Cancelling the kids plans because he's thrown a wobbler, aibu?

Go and then dump.

Hopefully you can come up with something else - a family hotel room by the coast or theme park or something.

I think I'd be annoyed he didn't explain about the deleted stuff before you sent a text complaing about letting you and your kids down.

TBH I'd be really wary of arranging stuff with him and the kids going forward - even if you stay in a relationship with him. He does have form for this - so that also counts againts him even if this time he has a really good reason.

His 'apology' was passive, and no doubt he picked up on your response and needed to reverse ferret as you weren't enthralled by his suggestion of dumping all the kids so that he could get his end away for the weekend.

Take back your power, OP and follow through - he has shown you who he is, selfish, unreliable etc. Spend a lovely weekend with your children, and maybe jot down all the other times he has behaved selfishly, it may bring you some clarity to see it in black and white.

My lord, why are so many people saying that's a valid apology?

It's absolute junk, he'll pull this shit more and more often and you'll never be able to trust him.

Sack him off, permanently, and take your kids somewhere nice. Come on now.

Well I'm glad to hear that he has reinstated the trip because that was really unreasonable behaviour.

Go on the trip and enjoy it, but you'll need a serious talk with him about how to manage any kind of future plans you make together because he absolutely cannot treat you like that again. Hopefully he has learned his lesson, but be very cautious about trusting in that hope.

My initial reaction was go on the trip for the children but have a serious talk about standards in your relationship afterwards and seriously consider whether you have a future together but on second thoughts, I would hold my ground and say its too late to go now.

Yes, your children will be disappointed but it's a good opportunity to model boundaries, respect & consequences. They will learn first hand what is acceptable behaviour in a relationship and that adults are expected to behave like adults: responsibly.

I 100% understand that we all act irrationally, lose our tempers and say & do things in the heat of the moment but I also feel strongly that children who are brought up to be considerate & respectful often find adults don't behave the same way, and those same children end up in relationships where they have to compromise boundaries.

I would explain what's happened in an age-appropriate way and go ahead with alternative fun plans for you and your children, which will also teach them how to cope with disappointments and still have a good time.

I’d go so all of the children get their trip and the sitters etc aren’t let down, then seriously consider dumping him after. His impulsiveness and inability to consider others is a worry.

@Imbusytodaysorry aggressiveness for a ! 😂

But you’ve cancelled dog sitter so can’t go
now anyway? I would tread carefully in the future with this man, as he seems a bit flaky. Don’t move in with him!!!

I have ! Calm down with the aggressiveness.
I commented before id caught up

Go on the trip them dump and block.

I wouldn't go. How could you enjoy it and relax after the stress and annoyance he caused?
Not saying you have to dump him over this of course but take the weekend back and show him you aren't his entertainment to pick up or put down as he chooses.

Me too.

YABU because you should carry on with the trip.
Dump him before you leave and have a great time!

The apology explains his emotions last night but not why he wanted you to dump your DC and go off for the weekend with him instead. I think you need a long hard think of the other occasions he has displayed his selfishness. I personally think if last night, you had agreed to dump your children this weekend he would be happily travelling up with you, with zero fuck’s for any of the children’s disappointment and devastation.

Actually I agree with Nopineapplepizza.
I think he’s lying.

He’s a selfish arsehole! Parenting isn’t about picking and choosing when you have your kids based on their behaviour!
I don’t think he is the kind of partner you should have in yours and your kids lives! He has let everyone involved down, without a real valid reason! What a dick!

She can't go on the trip without him. Read her updates!

Anyway, as of now I was going to say do what you always planned together then bin him off after the trip is over, but that's not fair on the kids and just allows them to get closer to someone you probably won't keep around. It also gives him the green light to behave like a dick and get away with it.

Tell him you've changed plans and he can have the child free weekend he wanted. You and your kids can go and have a great time at theme park or whatever else together. Core memories.

Ugh, do guys like this really exist?! Plan a nice weekend with your kids and be thankful that you don't live with this inconsiderate, lying, piece of cr@,p. I don't care how nice he is but this lack of honesty, tantrum throwing, inconsideration will only get worse overtime. Get out now.

Nooooo.

He's OBVIOUSLY lying.

If he’d text you yesterday and said “DC have just wiped a load of work from my iPad, I need to stay home this weekend and send the kids to my parents so I’ve got time to redo it for a meeting on Monday.” then maybe his recent revelations would be true.

But last night he told you he wanted an adults-only break. So when was he planning on re-doing the work that his DC “deleted”? How can he get it done now if you all go away? Is he expecting you to care for all the DC whilst he works? That’s a shit “holiday” for you.

He's come up with a semi-plausible excuse to “explain” his behaviour, but it doesn’t really, does it?

He had a man-tantrum and fucked about with his parents w/e plans, your w/e plans and more importantly your kids w/e plans.

You immediately stop contact between him and your DC until he can prove he will never dick them about in future. Continue to date him if you must, but do not involve your DC in this; why would you let them get attached to a tantruming adult who has a high chance of letting them down?

You do your own thing this weekend and let him spend time with his DC, he probably needs to make up for his shitty behaviour to them last night anyway (like threatening to punish the child that had done nothing wrong and using cancelling his contact time as a punishment).

I can’t believe everyone saying it was a “decent apology”! It’s not - it’s almost worse for me, because he could have shared it last night. But he was too much in a rage (red flag) - to care about her or her kids in all this. Now he expects her to just forget it all and go, while setting up the fact that he will be spending the time working in the evening. No thanks.

I'd tell him to piss off and that you have already made alternative arrangements as a result of his tantrum. I think you seriously need to consider this relationship OP. Why does he always get to call the shots and you pander to him. Fuck that

I would go, make the most of it for your DC.

Then I would sit down with him and tell him that his behaviour was unacceptable and if it happens again going forward you will have no option but to call it a day

How much do you like this guy? I think you need to think strongly about that. If he’s worth forgiving, then go ahead with the original plans. Otherwise, think very carefully about going - he only said he would go after you had already messaged him this morning. No apology before you messaged him.

You’ve said there is a theme park near you that your DC haven’t been to before. This sounds like a good alternative plan for them (and you!).