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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Cancelling the kids plans because he's thrown a wobbler, aibu?

607 replies

Tulipsdaisy · 05/06/2025 21:47

Me, my boyfriend and our respective children (not shared) were supposed to be going away this weekend, from Friday until Sunday evening. Plans were finalised. I made arrangements for somebody to house sit for me and take care of my dog, paid in advance. They moved their schedule around to accommodate me.

Background: together just shy of 16 months. We don't live together. I'm a lone parent of 2 and he has 50/50 joint custody of his 2 with his ex wife. DC introduced at the 12 month mark and get along great. Lovely.

At 9pm this evening he has text saying he needs a break, wants a weekend to himself and would rather do 'no kids' so he's asking his parents to babysit.

I said he was bang out of order springing this on me this late and asked what on earth the matter was.

He said nothing is the matter he has just had enough of his child's attitude. His DC doesn't deserve the trip, he wants a weekend to himself, he's going to bed and 'tomorrow is a new day'

My response to that was: "Well you have a nice sleep, now you've offloaded that onto me and I now have to explain to my (relative dog sitter) and inevitably upset children. Thanks a bunch"

He read that and didn't reply.

He has obviously had some cheek from his DC and now we all have to pay the price. His DC aren't badly behaved, a little bit cheeky now and then but not bad kids whatsoever.

I'm both angry and sad. He hasn't given any thought to everybody else impacted by his wobbler. It's fuck the lot of us.

I'm £50 down the drain (I'm not going to ask for for the dog sitting money back, the relative sitting for me really needed the money and jumped at the chance)

I have to explain to my DC tomorrow morning that it isn't going ahead and they're going to be so disappointed.

There has been some prior instances of him arsing about with existing plans but I don't think I can move past this one as it directly impacts the children.

AIBU to think he's a nasty, selfish dick? And what on earth do I say to the children?

OP posts:
Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 06/06/2025 19:31

You've had a lucky escape there! Must be an awful shock to find out what he's really like. As someone else said, have a big hug with the kids and hopefully a good weekend away. You sound strong so I'm sure you'll be absolutely fine

Fitasafiddle1 · 06/06/2025 19:24

DraigCymraeg · 06/06/2025 19:20

Oh my love, I'm so sorry.
I hope you guys can talk this through and get better.
Take care.

‘Talk this through’ ??!! How is this good advice - he is an absolute arsehole and is mistreating op and her dc.

DraigCymraeg · 06/06/2025 19:20

Oh my love, I'm so sorry.
I hope you guys can talk this through and get better.
Take care.

MightyDandelion · 06/06/2025 19:18

BonfireToffee · 06/06/2025 19:15

She’s explained multiple times that she can’t go without him as it’s connected to his work. RTFT.

I saw after.

I’d still salvage something so my kids weren’t disappointed. So I still say YABU.

BonfireToffee · 06/06/2025 19:16

So sorry he’s been such a nasty arsehole, OP — and in front of your kids too. I hope you feel relieved in time that you didn’t waste any more time on this horrible man. Hugs to you x

BonfireToffee · 06/06/2025 19:15

MightyDandelion · 06/06/2025 19:12

Put YABU as you should take your kids without him.

She’s explained multiple times that she can’t go without him as it’s connected to his work. RTFT.

BonfireToffee · 06/06/2025 19:13

Scentedjasmin · 06/06/2025 18:15

The pair of you really sound as though you could improve your communication skills and be less reactive.

How the fuck did you manage to make this OP’s fault?

MightyDandelion · 06/06/2025 19:12

Put YABU as you should take your kids without him.

outerspacepotato · 06/06/2025 19:11

"Let's keep plans as they are, I will have to play catch up in the evenings."

I guess stress got the better of him yet again since his attitude flipped from his "apology" and he ignored you and was rude as fuck to you in front of your kids. I think he's mad that you called him on his flaking so he's flaking yet again.

Don't give this one another chance. Hopefully he'll stay mad or you will.

Blodyneighbour · 06/06/2025 19:11

What an absolute arsehole. Good for standing up to him. Hope you manage to enjoy routine with DCs

Topseyt123 · 06/06/2025 19:05

Sorry this has happened to you. It sounds like you are going to be well rid of this arsehole though.

I'm sure things feel horrible right now, but don't let him worm his way back in. Stay strong.

Do something nice for yourself and your own children this weekend. Just whatever you can face doing. Your idea of the theme park sounds like a good one.

MassiveOvaryaction · 06/06/2025 19:02

At least you found out who he really was before you did anything like moving in together I guess.
Hope you can shake him off and still have an enjoyable weekend with your dc.

EllieEllie25 · 06/06/2025 18:53

What a weirdo! So sorry OP.

CautiousLurker01 · 06/06/2025 18:43

Reading between the lines, @Tulipsdaisy I think he got cold feet at the blended family experience. Somewhere along the line he panicked, possibly even picked a fight with the kids to ensure he could punish and send them to GPs and then when you were reasonable found himself boxed into a corner. His behaviour at your usual post Friday meet up was unforgivable, though, when perhaps he could just have ‘used his words’ to explain he felt things were moving too fast.

You are well shot of him - he clearly lacks emotional maturity. The impact of this on both his and your kids was clearly not a priority for him. You’re all better off without him IMO.

boringbiscuits · 06/06/2025 18:41

Tulipsdaisy · 06/06/2025 16:54

I feel a bit blindsided as I wasn't expecting it. I thought everything was resolved.

I went to meet him from work as I usually do on Fridays and he completely avoided me. I text saying "I'm here" and he didn't reply, just put a thumbs up react on my message.

15 minutes later, nowhere to be seen. He saw me and went the other way. I text again saying is there a problem? He ignored it.

When I did catch up with him I asked if I could have a word away from my DC who were with me. He was looking straight over my shoulder as I'm stood there trying to engage him in a conversation. Rude.

He took a few steps away and I said "right, enough. What is the problem here?"

And he abruptly responds "what? Because I didn't walk down there"

I looked baffled at this point and said what?

He then says "you've got the problem not me"

I felt quite upset at this point and just said "ok" and walked away. I couldn't argue the toss as both of my DC were there. I haven't done anything wrong!

The last contact we had was this morning and there was no arguments or anything. I don't understand.

I think he's pissed off at me for standing my ground and not pandering to his last minute attempt to ditch the kids, and he didn't like me asserting myself. He's engineered this to get out of going. I'm sure of it.

So yeah, it's definitely off.

We're over.

What an absolute idiot he is. Is there a chance he's seen this thread and that's what he's gone arsey about?

Sparklesandbananas · 06/06/2025 18:37

Have I read this right??? He’s not happy with the behaviour of one of his kids. Instead of actually dealing with the behaviour he drops the children off with his family. What a great father he is. I would be ending this relationship especially with children involved. Salvage the weekend with something fun for your kids even if you have a fun packed weekend at home.

JustSawJohnny · 06/06/2025 18:28

Tulipsdaisy · 06/06/2025 17:19

It's absolutely bizarre, I'm in shock.

HUGE, mardy-arsed bullet expertly dodged, OP!

Thank feck he showed himself before you got to the living together stage.

What a giant bell end, honestly.

Hope you manage to have a fab weekend doing something with the kids.x.

Scentedjasmin · 06/06/2025 18:15

The pair of you really sound as though you could improve your communication skills and be less reactive.

cheesycheesy · 06/06/2025 18:15

Sorry op. At least he’s shown his true colours now. Hope you have a nice weekend with your kids! You seem like a nice person and deserve better

Fitasafiddle1 · 06/06/2025 18:12

One thing that always makes me feel better is the biggest hugs with my dc, spend the day close to them and you can do so knowing you are a brilliant mother and put them first. You seem such a nice person, I have no doubt you will meet someone much better when you can face dating again 💐

EveryOtherNameTaken · 06/06/2025 18:08

I'm sorry OP. What bloody weird behaviour.

Just think how excited your kids are for the weekend doing something special.

I can imagine how upset you feel, but better you see this now than further down the line.

RareGoalsVerge · 06/06/2025 18:03

Tulipsdaisy · 06/06/2025 17:19

It's absolutely bizarre, I'm in shock.

How awful and upsetting. What a dick. So sorry for your kids to be so disappointed by this but try to see it as a good thing that you worked out what an arsehole he is before you got too deeply embedded. Try to cast this as a positive learning experience for your DC - that you wouldn't let him muck them around, because they are more important to you than him, and sadly he couldn't deal with that so the relationship is over, but this is a good thing because no one wants to be in a relationship with someone so selfish.

Fitasafiddle1 · 06/06/2025 18:02

Cherrytree86 · 06/06/2025 17:58

@GreenCandleWax

I think Op is feeling bad enough without throwing camping into the mix!

It’s bloody freezing as well!! I’d be going for a hectic theme park and a slug of wine at bed time, and a close friend on speed dial.

Cherrytree86 · 06/06/2025 17:58

GreenCandleWax · 06/06/2025 02:42

Do you have camping equipment? That's always fun for kids. Have a lovely weekend making memories with your DC.

@GreenCandleWax

I think Op is feeling bad enough without throwing camping into the mix!

RightOnTheEdge · 06/06/2025 17:57

That's sad OP.
You are well rid of him though.
I hope you and your kids have a fab weekend.