I’m really hurt…..

Ginger22 · 2025-06-05T20:07:21+00:00

My partner came home from the office tonight and we settled down with a glass for a chat. He started recounting a story today from the office…… part way through he said “because she’s really attractive”….. talking about sone kind of hassle a young lady was receiving at the moment in his office. I said “what?” And he said “well, can’t there be other attractive women in the world?” I said, it sounds like you find her attractive? He said well, she’s half my age! That made me feel worse. I felt really hurt. I’m 47, menopausal and now I feel like there’s a young, attractive woman in his office that they’re all gawping at. When I explained how this made me feel, he said I was not being genuine and I was ridiculous to feel upset. Am I?

Macklemup · 05/06/2025 23:50

He sounds awful.
Detach emotionally from him.
He's a twat.
You are too good for him.
No need to leave, suit yourself, but realise he is a real twat.

Dramatic · 05/06/2025 23:25

Ginger22 · 05/06/2025 21:26

Thank you all for your responses I appreciate your perspectives. I hope I’m replying on the right bit. I guess I just feel like he knows I’m struggling at the moment - I’ve put on a lot of weight with the menopause and I’m not feeling my best. He also told me once that his ex wife made me happier than I ever could - this is something I’ve tried very hard to get past but I guess it’s made me feel very insecure. I feel he could’ve nipped it in the bud when he saw the hurt on my face. He said he didn’t believe I was really upset. I felt quite dismissed.

I think what he said to you about his ex wife is probably why you have taken this comment about the woman at work so badly. And that's not your fault, he's made you feel worthless and second best so it's really no wonder you feel this way.

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 05/06/2025 23:18

Your update makes the world of difference. He has a habit of making you feel like you aren’t enough. This isn’t an issue with you, it’s an issue with him being a knob.

saltnvinegarhulahoops · 05/06/2025 22:59

I think he is guilty of being a classic idiot man with tactless phrasing. I thought mine had some history with a female friend when I met her the first time, I asked him and he said "nothing has ever happened because the timing has never been right". Needless to say there were many conversations had after that before we continued to where we are now. I do think though that yours is saying that he isn't attracted to her because she is half his age though, not that she wouldn't be into him. Honestly, I can't find anyhing more grim than wanting to bed a 20 year old, so I'd imagine the reverse is the same for hopefully some men.

Dangermoo · 05/06/2025 22:23

I'd say we'll if she made you the happiest you've ever been, where did it all go wrong?

Original poster

Ginger22 · 05/06/2025 22:19

I know. There have been many moments where I have thought if I had the means I’d rather be alone. I have 2 children and 2 step children and we own a house. I’ve been through a hellish divorce and I know enough to know there really isn’t a lot of support. I dont have any family support. I am where I am and I just need to make the best of it. Life’s ok in general, just tonight set me off. Thank you all for your replies x

OP posts:

ForZanyAquaViewer · 05/06/2025 22:18

Ginger22 · 05/06/2025 21:53

It feels good to tell that out loud as it were. Yes it is grim and thank you acknowledging it. Thing is, he’s so loving. I’ve never felt so loved but at times, he does say awful things and I can’t forget them which I think has lead to how I feel today

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So, the thing about his ex wife was truly truly awful. Unforgivably so.

The issue in the OP is your insecurity manufacturing something to be upset about out of whole cloth.

Shessweetbutapsycho · 05/06/2025 22:17

Ginger22 · 05/06/2025 21:31

I think in the moment I took this to mean well we all find her attractive! I guess I just can’t compete with a woman hand my age and it made me feel so awful that he’d already said she was attractive.

You’re the only one putting yourself in competition with her though

ForZanyAquaViewer · 05/06/2025 22:16

Ginger22 · 05/06/2025 21:31

I think in the moment I took this to mean well we all find her attractive! I guess I just can’t compete with a woman hand my age and it made me feel so awful that he’d already said she was attractive.

Compete for what, exactly? Attractive women exist. They have always existed. Why is this such a problem?

Summertimealready · 05/06/2025 22:12

He was telling you about a young woman at work getting " hassle" because she is " really attractive" ? It doesn't say a lot for the culture of the office he works in. And what is his feelings on a young woman getting treated inappropriately at work because she is " really attractive" ? I don't think he comes out of this very well and neither do his work colleagues.

Sounds to me as though he likes to undermine your confidence with his comment about his ex wife and now this letting you know how attractive the women he works with are.

Endofyear · 05/06/2025 22:11

Why did he say you could never make him happier than his ex wife did? I'd have dumped him for that, straight away!

Fitasafiddle1 · 05/06/2025 22:00

Huge red flag

He iis complimenting other women and says his ex created a happiness for him he couldn’t replicate??

No wonder you feel terrible.

This relationship would be over. Why should you be second best?

This is not about other women being attractive, but your oh making you feel less than all of the time.

He enjoys keeping you feeling insecure. No this isn’t healthy. Or good for you.

Subbyhubby · 05/06/2025 21:55

Ginger22 · 05/06/2025 21:53

It feels good to tell that out loud as it were. Yes it is grim and thank you acknowledging it. Thing is, he’s so loving. I’ve never felt so loved but at times, he does say awful things and I can’t forget them which I think has lead to how I feel today

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You sound like you are on the same page overall. You’ll get there.

ShesTheAlbatross · 05/06/2025 21:55

Ginger22 · 05/06/2025 21:26

Thank you all for your responses I appreciate your perspectives. I hope I’m replying on the right bit. I guess I just feel like he knows I’m struggling at the moment - I’ve put on a lot of weight with the menopause and I’m not feeling my best. He also told me once that his ex wife made me happier than I ever could - this is something I’ve tried very hard to get past but I guess it’s made me feel very insecure. I feel he could’ve nipped it in the bud when he saw the hurt on my face. He said he didn’t believe I was really upset. I felt quite dismissed.

He said what??

What a dick.

Original poster

Ginger22 · 05/06/2025 21:53

Subbyhubby · 05/06/2025 21:48

Did you see a picture of her, as in, is she actually attractive? Cause if not he might just be saying to get a reaction, if she is, and you can agree then at least you know he isn’t lying to you.

It feels good to tell that out loud as it were. Yes it is grim and thank you acknowledging it. Thing is, he’s so loving. I’ve never felt so loved but at times, he does say awful things and I can’t forget them which I think has lead to how I feel today

OP posts:

Subbyhubby · 05/06/2025 21:48

Did you see a picture of her, as in, is she actually attractive? Cause if not he might just be saying to get a reaction, if she is, and you can agree then at least you know he isn’t lying to you.

ChonkyRabbit · 05/06/2025 21:47

Ginger22 · 05/06/2025 21:31

I think in the moment I took this to mean well we all find her attractive! I guess I just can’t compete with a woman hand my age and it made me feel so awful that he’d already said she was attractive.

That's grim. What he said about his ex wife was terrible, and it's hard to think of any context that would make it innocent instead of designed to hurt you.

I'm guessing he doesn't do much to support you and build your confidence in general...

Createausername1970 · 05/06/2025 21:46

He actually said his ex-wife made him happier than you do?

What a charmer.

With that update in mind, I can understand why you feel so undermined.

EnjoythemoneyJane · 05/06/2025 21:42

Sorry OP, but YABVU. You’re obviously not feeling great in yourself, but your DH describing another woman as objectively attractive doesn’t mean he’s saying you’re not - he literally said ‘can’t there be other attractive women?’. And your answer to that can’t rationally be ‘no’, can it?

Jealousy and insecurity are understandable emotions if your self esteem is low and you’ve got all the peri hormonal shite going on, but they can become corrosive very quickly. Don’t let it end up with your DH treading on eggshells and policing himself so as to avoid throwaway remarks causing a massive overreaction.

Try to deal with the root cause, which is how you’re feeling about yourself. Unless there’s a massive dripfeed coming, your DH conversationally mentioning someone is attractive shouldn’t have the power to make you feel this hurt and upset.

Original poster

Ginger22 · 05/06/2025 21:32

Half - sorry

OP posts:

JustCopyeditorsAnnie · 05/06/2025 21:32

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster

Ginger22 · 05/06/2025 21:31

I think in the moment I took this to mean well we all find her attractive! I guess I just can’t compete with a woman hand my age and it made me feel so awful that he’d already said she was attractive.

OP posts:

ChonkyRabbit · 05/06/2025 21:26

He said well, she’s half my age!

What did that mean? She's young so of course I find her attractive or don't be silly, she's too young for me to fancy?

Original poster

Ginger22 · 05/06/2025 21:26

Thank you all for your responses I appreciate your perspectives. I hope I’m replying on the right bit. I guess I just feel like he knows I’m struggling at the moment - I’ve put on a lot of weight with the menopause and I’m not feeling my best. He also told me once that his ex wife made me happier than I ever could - this is something I’ve tried very hard to get past but I guess it’s made me feel very insecure. I feel he could’ve nipped it in the bud when he saw the hurt on my face. He said he didn’t believe I was really upset. I felt quite dismissed.

OP posts:

PocketBattleship · 05/06/2025 21:24

If you've somehow reached the age of 47 and are only now realising that some other women are attractive, then I don't know what to suggest.