Starting to hate being a mother

tough tomatoes honey!

child is here now and you need to embrace it - you put her here and she had no choice

Stop whining and regretting it

Yes agree with poster above, it gets easier as they get older and they have more independence.

It's a lot of hard work and drudgery, especially in the younger years. And especially tough if you don't have much family support. Things do get easier as they get older...try to find some joy in life even if it's just simple things for the time being.

Being a mum is HARD!! It's totally normal to not enjoy every moment too.. don't feel guilty for those feelings, we all have them.

But you should enjoy some of the time..I think you are just worn out. Prioritise getting some time to do something for yourself. Hopefully you and your partner could both take it in turns to have half a day at the weekend to do something just for you (eh. Do a hobby, have a long bath, take a walk, do some shopping, watch a film etc.). Try and have an evening each too. It's really important to get that balance.

Do you work Op? As when I was at home during maternity leave I found it so overwhelming and easy actually much happier being back at work as it felt like my old self back and was not just 'mum'.

I think you're just exhausted op

Its just me and dd. I do bedtimes and as shes autistic, she would take 2 hours to go down in her bed. Two hours id sit there listening to the radio on low.

Now, I put her in my bed next to me, and have the soaps on low, and she falls asleep a lot faster as well

Can you take time off work to go to your parents? For like two weeks and explain that you just need a break?

Or better yet, can she be sent tp stay with them for a week during the summer?

Youre doing your best, and you love your baby. But you must try to find a way to have a break, just to lay down and relax

❤️

A lot of what you say resonates with me. Parenting high needs kids without a lot of outside help is relentless.

No wonder you feel like this you need your evenings for a break. I know a lot of people won't agree with this but move her bedtime 30 minutes earlier stick a tv in her bedroom let her pick the film get her tucked in and leave and she will fall asleep and you will get your evening

Don’t mean that to sound judgey but like if you just don’t do it what happens? When my dc(now3) had difficulty with one parent in the past, we used to take it in turns and the other would just go for a walk around the estate.

What happens if you don’t put her to bed? Or if dp does the bedtime?

So sorry you're feeling this way OP. It's unfortunate but normal to feel how you feel.
I knew from young that I never wanted children; or rather, I would have loved a mini me/DH running around but knew I had absolutely ZERO desire to actually be a 'parent'. So that was the deciding factor in us choosing to remain childfree - regardless of what many of those close to us think we should have done.

Don’t rule out depression, which can be caused by your environment, eg being exhausted and caring for a full on 5 year old. Always have a chat with your GP. I went undiagnosed for years - it’s bloody hard.

Bedtimes at this age are really hard; you need to change the routine. If you can afford it, a sleep/bedtime consultant can advise you really well even with an older child, if you can afford it. DM me if you need a recommendation.

Are you going to bed early? I feel more like this when I’m knackered and stay up doom scrolling on my phone. Get some rest.

I’m sure you’re not, but please don’t let DC ever pick up on how you feel.

I was semi seriously considering divorce last year just to get a fucking break!

I feel you OP! My 5yo is being hard work at the moment, I feel burnt out so I am snapping all the time which is no doubt making him harder work and also makes me feel so guilty, I feel like by now parenting should be getting easier but for us it definitely seems to be harder. He also needs time to lie by him to fall asleep, although fortunately this doesn’t take long. I have a 2yo too who doesn’t sleep so I’m hoping that it’s all just a phase and I’ll feel better soon…

Someone recently told me “I’d have made a good mum, but not a happy mum”.

It resonated.

No advice for you, OP, but it sounds tough.

Yes I absolutely hate it but that’s because I’m a single mum if I had my time again I wouldn’t have any children

Friend was nearly broken by dc bedtime and lying with dc until they went to sleep. In the end she started going out for a walk after doing bedtime routine instead of lying with dc. It was a rough couple of weeks but dc learned they had to stay quietly in bed and fall asleep alone. I think they used audiobooks in the end too

I do think this interminable “bedtime” is onerous on parents. If you’ve had enough just tell her to brush her teeth give her a little wash, jamas on, one little story and goodnight. That’s quite enough and if she cries so be it. She will go to sleep soon. Kids are controllers, and adult Heath and well being are very important. Also try to find a trustworthy baby sitter- welcome back happy marriage and goodbye exhaustion.

I share your pain on bedtimes - mine are older and don't really need me but would like me and I still need to supervise teeth brushing etc and it is later as they don't need to go to bed earlier and so there is no evening time after. Just now we have little childcare and DP is out a lot so I'm doing loads and I think it is really hard not having time to yourself. I was thinking today I need to book a babysitter and sort more childcare so I can do a couple of things for me and feel better and be a nicer mum when I am around. Can you and DP share bedtimes so you have set nights (you do Mon and Wed and he does Tues and Thurs) and then you have two nights you can do something for you? Would audio books help? This has worked a bit for us as youngest will fall asleep to them though eldest will stay awake too long as can't bear to miss any of the story - was thinking maybe need to try whale sounds or something

The song really helps and remember she will get upset, but you cannot parent out of never having an upset child. It is an emotion, they will get upset a million times before they are an adult but she will realise her world did not fall apart.

My song was Tom Petty I Won't Back Down. You can do this and it might make you feel so much better just getting your evenings back.