Friend didn’t get me a gift for baby but invited me to her baby shower

Just go to baby shower and then get a gift when baby is born safely.
I personally think baby showers are a bit weird TBH !

You've got quite a transactional view of gift giving. Don't you enjoy giving a gift just to see the other person happy?

I honestly don't keep track with my friends of who has or hadn't given me a gift. Some years my friends will get me a birthday gift if they see something I'd like other years they'll skip a year and get me something the next year or no birthday gift but they'll buy for Christmas instead etc. I would probably be upset if close family didn't bother though. Maybe gift giving isn't a priority for your friend at the moment, and maybe from now on you both don't need to bother?

Regarding the baby shower, you invited her to yours so she's being reciprocal in inviting you to hers. I'd imagine that you'd have been quite upset if she didn't invite you to that? So she probably can't win either way.

If you treasure your friendship, just let the resentment go.

Neither have I, and I don't give a present before the birth.

Gift giving might be your love language it doesn’t mean it’s everyone else’s.

Do you want to go to the shower? If yes go if not decline the invitation

If gifts are your thing give your friend a gift at the baby shower.
Its your choice.

I’d probably go for flowers/ plant/ other present that they can all enjoy.

If you like to buy people presents, then do that if it makes you happy. Don’t buy presents expecting to get presents.

Just take a bottle of fizz. Tell her you thought you weren't exchanging gifts anymore...

Do you want to go to her baby shower and are you able to?

Honestly I can’t imagine holding grudge about presents over anyone 🤦‍♀️ I have absolutely no expectations for a gift in ANY situation.

there are much bigger things to worry about. Has it occurred to you she may have had a lot on her mind at the time of your birthday or shower. The fertility issues are huge. For all you know she could have had a miscarriage, her marriage could been collapsing etc You have absolutely no idea what’s going on behind closed doors.

If you’re not already a mother, having a baby will certainly give your head a wobble. You will forget the most basic things. I hope none of your friends begrudge you forgetting a birthday or play date.

Like is probably better without keeping track of who gives and is given gifts and just give a gift because you want to treat someone and don't bother if they don't reciprocate. I also find it weird buying presents for unborn babies.

The whole gift thing is unimportant and you should never be made to feel obliged to buy anyone a gift.

Did she not acknowledge your birthday at all? Not even a social media Happy Birthday post or a message?

Me too. Never been to one! Find the whole idea tacky but they are getting really widespread now sadly.

You have a reciprocal invite; she didn’t attend yours and didn’t bring a present. She is now inviting you to hers and probably hasn’t even thought about the present imbalance.

She may be someone who doesn’t want to get into buying friends or friends children presents and will be more than happy for you to not buy for her or hers. However if you are attending her baby shower I would get something small. Not everything has to be totally reciprocated.

I think if your usual etiquette for that particular friendship is that you do gifts for these types of occasions, then you're not unreasonable to be a bit miffed.
On the other hand, life happens - maybe she forgot / had other things going on / by the time she remembered it was too late... Maybe she doesn't want to set a precedent of buying gifts for other people's children, maybe she wasn't in the headspace at that particular time and hasn't thought about it since... Maybe she's just been really busy. Maybe she did send something and it got lost in the post! Maybe she's not been able to afford it. You just don't know. Could be any reason.

Anyway, I think it's fine to be a bit miffed but if you enjoy/ want to give gifts then continue to do something, if you'll continue to be miffed at lack of reciprocating then maybe stop the gifts or just get a card for the baby shower. X

Using the words ‘baby’ instead of ‘the baby’ and ‘love language’ are totally unreasonable.

Your own grammar is poor, it should be ‘Using the words ‘baby’ instead of ‘the baby’ and ‘love language’ IS totally unreasonable, not ‘are’.

Ahh, thanks for elaborating. I come from the world before baby showers were a thing so I wasn’t sure of the etiquette surrounding them. I am very much a present once born person!

YANBU. Unfortunately you’re busy on the day of the baby shower so won’t be able to make it.

No need to send a present. If she asks about a present you know she’s a CF.

Or otherwise, go to the baby shower and tell her her present is on the way, and then never send one.

Using the words ‘baby’ instead of ‘the baby’ and ‘love language’ are totally unreasonable.

the present thing? It’s crass to give in order to receive. Give because you want to or don’t give at all.

A baby shower is literally an event for the mother to be given gifts. If she doesnt expect gifts she shouldn't call it a shower.

Gifts might be your love language but it sounds like you only give them to receive them back. Decline her invite if you’re that worried!

Why because she invited you to her baby shower does it state she is expecting a gift? Was it mentioned on the invite? Would she just be after your lovely company and enjoyment at her soon to be happy occasion?

Baby showers are so grabby.

I think you might be overthinking it. Would it really be any more polite of her not to invite you?

Feel free to turn the invitation down but don't spend any more energy picking over deep inner meanings.

Stop keeping score. It sounds like she was struggling for a while. I’d go to the baby shower and take a gift.

If she's had big fertility problems then babies may be triggering even when she's pregnant
I understand that feeling- having my own baby shower would have been the last thing on my mind, though.

I dislike giving presents for babies not yet born (happy to give something for the mother-to-be, or vouchers but the latter sounds like it wouldn't work for you in this case).