Teachers - does this seem likely?

She posted asking teachers whether schools behave like this towards employees. The vast majority of teachers said yes, this isn't uncommon.

The DH finds himself in a toxic school. Yes, he should leave that school. No, he shouldn't leave teaching. If he was originally tapped up for promotion he must be up to leading what is a small department.

It is the OP who thinks her DH may be paranoid and thinks perhaps the newly appointed person is talking about him. Lots of us has said this may not be paranoia .By her own admission she works in a highly ethical workplace and doesn't perhaps understand fully that this is not yet the norm in education.

He is in a toxic workplace. This would affect even the most robust of people. Of course the OP is worried about her DH and of course this has affected his wellbeing. But for you to suggest early on that he is the problem and ask whether she has children with him (I see you haven't asked that again) suggests very clearly what your agenda is.

I wonder if you would say this if the person sidelined at work and treated so poorly was a woman.

As lot of us have said, he needs to seek advice and probably to leave his current school.

OP, is he quite new to teaching?

Weird
so many dismissing the Op, his wife after all, expressing very serious concerns about his “vulnerability” “paranoia” and mental health as just being “oh that’s teaching for you!”

im inclined to believe the Op that this man is not well and consequently I think he shouldn’t be head of anything at the moment and probs ly shouldn’t be teaching

but yes yes…. That’s just teaching 😃

Little schools can be like this. If he can keep his cool, suggest he requests a meeting with the head to clarify matters. He should take notes. Also Union, if he's not a member, he should join one.

Dodgy but not implausible. He needs to speak to his union asap. He should also play the long game - he might need a reference so telling the Head to 'get fucked' isn't the best plan.

Tbh id be a bit concerned that he's setting the scene for something here. Like he thinks he's in a bit of trouble and is trying to cast himself as the injured party before some shit hits the fan.

I think I’d be more worried if that hadn’t been his reaction!

I wouldn’t be at all surprised.

Almost this exact thing happened to one of my colleagues in one of the smaller departments only a few months ago.

Quite, and I've heard quite a bit of potty mouthed vocab / name calling in our staffroom / SLT offices - but we brush ourselves down and crack on!! its a stressful job and in some respects its useful to loose your composure and let it out now and again.

What a ridiculous remark. He lets his feelings (quite understandable feelings, assuming the scenario is as he's described) out at home, and you think that means he shouldn't be in charge of anything?

If he had been somewhat doing the job of HoD anyway, then perhaps that's why it was offered verbally, but since then a "mate" of SLT has come along...

It's not something I'd stress about. If a head had offered me a HoD department then reneged on the agreement, then I'd see it as a lack of respect, and would be looking for employment elsewhere.

The school I work at used to be fabulous, but since becoming an MLT (Multi Trust Academy) the management are awful and it has become very corporate, with far too much money paid to pen pushers, and people promoted who are in the "clique".

@Clickjaw if you followed that logic most teachers including smt wouldn't be in school. Broken system.

I think it is possible that this did happen as he says but I would be very very worried about his mental health at this point. I don’t think that is a proportional reaction to what is essentially being offered a job and having it taken away.

Quite normal in teaching, my school (large state secondary) always appoint HODs this way - and advances are made and never followed up on, just like with your husband.

Its always been that way in many schools, and was that way in many sectors back in the day - there are pros and cons to it, its not all bad.

The op sounds very worried and concerned about the mental health of her husband and thinks he “vulnerable”

he shouldn’t be head of anything at the moment. He probably shouldn’t be teaching atm

" Does teaching really offer promotions with no process or open recruitment "

Yes - but years ago. I got one. Promoted to be HOD of a 1 person (me) department. I think the moves towards transparency and accountability have ruled them out.

I think it was to keep me there as I'd mentioned getting itchy feet and I would have been hard to replace as I taught a shortage subject. This was 40 years ago.

But heads do make implied promises/offers - which are verbal and can't be proved if it goes pear shaped.

It may be time for your H to start buying the TES on a regular basis?

I moved to pastures green when a different head made life unpleasant - different sorts of promises and threats.

My last 12 years were far happier. Hard to change but often worth it.

All the best.

Oh I assumed the 99% have partners worried about their mental health was truly meant.

I honestly wouldn't be surprised. It's so toxic. Sometimes it takes escaping it to see. Or realising so many others feel the same. It's really, hard.

And yes it hugely affected my MH as, it has so many teachers I know.

Nope, but feeling burnt out and watching colleagues and most of my team find it exceptionally challenging at the moment.

When SLT can't be trusted, on top of children feeling entitled to do as they wish and parents enabling them and questioning any professional decision, before teaching the curriculum, you'll find a staff body needing to concentrate on their mental health and many partners and families worried about it wishing something would change.

im guessing you’re a drama teacher!

Yeah, probably. It's pretty toxic nowadays.

Yes I have known this happen.

some schools are better than others but this sort of thing definitely happened in at least one school I taught at.

they lost a couple of industrial tribunals over it.

Yes definitely plausible.

OP, in honesty it doesn't sound ENTIRELY plausible (having worked in schools for decades) - though it does sound like a lot of other posters have known this sort of thing happen, so maybe I have been lucky?

Is he state or private. Private schools are more of a law unto themselves with things like appointments. In the state schools I have known, SLT are generally careful to at least appear to adhere to due process while making appointments.

I think the alarm bells come from the fact that you know your husband probably better than anyone else does. If YOU sense his behaviour is off kilter, it probably is.

Would he agree to some counselling perhaps. At my school we can access a short course of 5 telephone sessions for free. A lot of us have accessed it to my knowledge - it tends to be pretty decent. But it does depend on what arrangements his school has in place. Otherwise, GP maybe?

Life After Teaching exit the classroom and thrive is a good fb group. It helps you to realise just how many teachers are struggling. They're good for support for teachers even that aren't imminently looking to leave.

And I wonder if 99% have very worried partners about their mental health