To keep the cheaper, smaller house to be a SAHM for a few years?

I get you don't want to teach OP, and I fully understand why as an ex-teacher with a young family. But why don't you want to work at all?

And playing devils advocate, he wouldn’t have another adult to support either. It’s about team work.

I don’t disagree that two toddlers is a lot of
work (I’ve done it!) but the PP seemed to be saying she should actively refuse to do drudgery tasks, not that she wouldn’t have time to.

We only have 1 DC, and a tiny 2 bed house. We kept the small house - admittedly easier with only 1 DC but it’s still honestly been a strain. I like to host, have an older relative that stays for weeks every Christmas (because she lives abroad) and DD has cousins who like to come for sleepovers which I encourage because I think it’s good for her as an only child. We both also work from home which adds a lot of stress in a cramped space.

Having said that, we kept the smaller place partly because I love the area and neighbours, and partly because it allowed me to take a full year off, then go freelance and very very part time whilst DD was tiny (she started with one day a week at the childminders). I’ve built my hours up slowly - have a permanent role now but only work between school runs. I wouldn’t swap the fact that I’ve been able to do that and the smaller house has been absolutely worth it for that - she was long awaited and I knew she’d be the only one so I wanted to maximise the time with her as much as possible.

Shes heading into year 1 in September and we’re moving somewhere much bigger. On paper we can afford to do so without me needing to go full time so that’s the aim, though I have the option to increase my hours if it turns out that’s needed.

I actually left teaching when I had DD, the work I do now is so much more flexible and allows for a great work-life balance. I can volunteer for school trips, be at Sports Day and the nativity etc without a second thought, I just make up the time after bedtime or at the weekend. Not saying I don’t get busy times or times when I’m working evenings/ having to travel very occasionally. But day-to-day it’s perfect for family life in a way teaching could never be (harder during the school holidays though!) All that to say that perhaps it doesn’t have to be either/ or - perhaps you could find some more flexible work whilst your children are tiny and go back to teaching once you’re ready.

Is there scope to extend or otherwise alter your house? We would have taken that option had it been there - the things I really wanted were an office space so DH wasn’t working all hours from the bedroom, and a’playroom’ or just somewhere to put all DD’s toys so that the living room could feel like a more relaxed and tidy space! In your case though, it would presumably be another bedroom - as I imagine having 3 in one room will be tough, with different bedtimes etc as they all grow.

When you say is your partners job secure - what do you mean? As in he’s not on a zero hours contract? Or in a probation period?
or likely to get made redundant? (Isn’t this possible for everyone?)

After knowing what I know now…. Id definitely stayed at work part time but everyone is different. Also depends on if family can help you with childcare etc.

Well doing the childcare alone with 2 kids is alot of work, with the mental load, all domestic duties, no one needs a man child! If he lived alone he would have to look after himself….

Be a stay at home mum but don’t take on the drudgery?! So you would expect the man to go out to work and support the whole family but also continue to do half the housework? Of course you share the load to some degree as things will always need doing during evenings and weekends but surely half the benefit of having a stay at home parent is that they cover the bulk of the domestic load. I’d certainly give my husband short shift if he said he was giving up work but not doing any more of the domestic tasks as it would make it too hard if he wants to go back to work in a few years 😂

like others have said if you stay at home ask for pension contributions and also don’t take on all the drudgery work as it’s hard to then get back to work. With all household and childcare responsibility, if you do make it very clear that things will have to change back when you go back to work.

but I would start paying a small amount into a private pension. Something I should have done sooner!

There are loads of families locally living in 2 bed flats. Many of them from overseas.

It's so mumsnet to imagine that living in less than a 3 bed semi is something only our grandparents did.

Also, its different when you known its short term.

I was a sahm for several years. It definitely affected my career. I have no regrets.

I would stay at home. I had a friend who was a primary school teacher and very easily got a job again when her kids were older.
I think she worked as a substitute teacher very occasionally (maybe 6-12 days a year). When she wanted a full time job she got one very easily.

Stay home! You can always change your mind later if you find it's not for you. Anyway, I would hate to have a huge mortgage.

I wouldn’t have a third kid in a two bed ( probably wouldn’t have had a second without the bedroom space tbh ) and I certainly wouldn’t quit my job and my pension to stay home. Sorry. You see too many women on here who do this and then are screwed when their husband decides to leave and they have nothing. It’s not for me. You’re a teacher so have 13 weeks off at home anyway, I’d just do part time when they are small and ramp it up whilst they are all at school.

One thing to think about is the logistics of moving when you oldest (and possibly youngest currently) will be in school. Changing schools isn’t the end of the world but what are the primaries like in the location you want to move to? If the good ones are oversubscribed they may not get a place in any of your preferred schools or the kids may end up going to different schools which is a logistical nightmare. It would definitely be preferable to be in the right catchment area before the oldest is of school age for that reason.

Well, I had three children in a two-bed and it was fine. It didn’t feel too small at all. The rooms were a decent size for the three DC to share.

I am glad I didn't give up work. It ensured that the children and I were able to leave a relationship when it was needed

Also you will soon need to think about catchment areas, and bedrooms.

Is your partner's job secure?

Go for it OP! Best thing I ever did was resigning from teaching almost 7 years ago to be a SAHM. Best years of my life so far 🥰

@PlantPowerrit sounds like you want to stay home.
those early years with children are indeed wonderful; I enjoyed every minute and felt super lucky that we could afford great childcare so I could also work 3 days a week.
But if you want to stay home and your dh is in agreement then fair enough. I would definitely keep paying into a private pension though until you can resume your teaching one

This

Honestly, please don't underestimate the constant low level stress of living somewhere too small with young kids. I did it for a couple of years, and it was like a weight lifted off my shoulders once we moved to somewhere bigger.

And that was 3 kids in a 3 bed! I can't even imagine how awful it would have been in a 2 bed. I'd much rather work to avoid it. Can you do part time?

If you're an experienced teacher then it will quite possibly be hard to get back into work, especially if you have lots of time away. Most schools only want cheaper teachers these days due to budgets. Also bear in mind there's no pay portability any more so you're pay scale point is pretty much irrelevant.
I left primary teaching after 20 years last year and have never looked back. Now an EOTAS Tutor and also get to be a mum to my own kids ❤️
Bear in mind also that a 3-day teaching contract, or any pt time teaching contract, is never that. You will be doing many unpaid hours.

Stay at home!

I'd always suggest both dropping to 3 days rather than only having one wage. Once you adjust for childcare costs, tax, and child benefit, you'd be surprised how little difference it makes to take home.

Smaller house. See your kids. No brainer. Or get a part time TA job or something to let husband have an extra day off.

Smaller house. See your kids. No brainer. Or get a part time TA job or something to let husband have an extra day off.