Family dinners with ex husband and children

As the child of divorced parents I would have hated it if I am honest. Nice day together as a family and then one parent goes off to their own house and we go back to another house with the other parent

I just think that would be a bit of a mind fuck and very unsettling

If you can stay on good terms and if you meet new partners who are also okay with group meet ups it can be really good for the children.

I have two step kids who are grown now but all four of us - parents and both step parents have been able to get along together for all big occasions over the years.

My brother and his ex wife do similar things to this. Including holidays. It has worked well for them for many years now.

I would have liked to do this, especially for the children. Unfortunately the OW wouldn't allow him to.
I think the more amicable, the better. It's a shame your parents ILs can't see that.

This really isn't good for you.

My friend and her ex-husband do this (very recently divorced) with their child (albeit not every week), but as far as I know they always go somewhere neutral like a restaurant or cafe. It seems to be working well for them and their child.

We do mothers day/fathers day and kids birthday. I offered to do Christmas but the children requested they have Christmas separately with both parents. No more than that really, it's not necessary. We interact alot throughout the week on pick ups/drop offs and sometimes will stop for a cuppa etc.
Honestly you need to have very very clear boundaries and be mindful of other parents feelings.

This is entirely one of those "it depends" scenarios. SIL has tried similar and it always backfires. DD's BFF's parents don't do anything as formal as this, but they do regularly all get together as needed - birthday parties, school events etc, sometimes with the SM too. MIL and FIL divorced after their children were all adults but there's never been an problem with doing "family meals" or big events.

A friend's exH wants to do this - ie have dinner in the family home together on one of his evenings with the DC (he has one evening in the week and one overnight on Friday or Saturday) but she's told him to get stuffed. He walked out, she didn't want her marriage to end, and she sees no reason to facilitate his relationship with the children by going back to being the cooking dinner, cleaning up after dinner etc.

I got my divorce through today. Separated 18 months ago. Ex H (first time I’ve called him that!) and I are amicable. Both of us have new partners.

Kid’s birthdays and parts of Christmas we’ve spent together since separating. No plans to change this and being amicable means a lot to all of us.

wouldn’t want to spend time together weekly, though. I wouldn’t set that precedent as things will change naturally and it will be hard for the kids.

I've managed this somewhat successfully with my ex. We've been separated for 2.5 years and divorced for 18 months, but we've been doing the meals since he first moved out 2 years ago. We have a family meal once or twice a month, either at one of our homes or out at pub/restaurant. It's worked quite well, although we my XH did go through a phase of being an arse. So I ended the meals for a while, when he asked why we weren't doing them any more I explained that I didn't like the way he'd been speaking to me and had therefore taken a step back. He promised to treat me more respectfully, and has done so ever since, therefore the meals have resumed. Neither of us has met anyone new yet, and I do wonder if this current arrangement will be able to continue if either of us meets a new partner.

My ex and I are friendly but not friends.

We do this on special occasions- Xmas, kid’s birthday etc - and sometimes more casually if we’ve had a day out together and all end up in the same place at the end of the day.

Its nice for the kids to have us both together, and it’s nice for them to have their dad in their house sometimes instead of always going to his (I know it should be two homes but that’s not how they feel …)

Neither of us have serious new partners, but I would imagine this would carry on quite happily if we did, with new partners just being included too…

Well thats only going to end in tears for you. I would stop this now if I were you. You're clearly hoping he'll change his mind but he'll find someone new and then accuse you of being the one to break the family up when you can't continue with this agreement.

OP I really wouldn't. It would have to stop at some point. I can't imagine a new partner of either of yours being happy with this arrangement and that would be understandable. It's also confusing for the DC. Being friendly, yes. Family dinners and holidays together, not fair on the DC

Why?
How old are the children?
How do you think this will work when or if either of you gets a new partner?

It’s nice in theory but I would wait until the divorce is signed off because things could turn nasty quickly.

Other factors to consider - new partners may not like the arrangement or want to be included which could be awkward.
Kids may resent new partners because they’d rather mum and dad being together and these meals would feed into that fantasy.
Would there need to be rules like not being sentimental about the past ?
Would it be harder to get over him if you had to see him socially once a month? Not emotionally detaching is going to affect future relationship.
How awkward would it be if you started this then wanted to pull out because it’s just too emotional ? The kids will be disappointed.

My parents did stuff like this when I was a child after their separation and I found it hideous. Would much rather they keep themselves separate and stop spending time as a fake family unit. That might be because the split was very one sided though and one parent was clearly desperately hoping for a reconciliation. Perhaps it would have been different if both parents felt the same but I just found it torturous to be part of.

I think short term it's fine as long as you both get on as friends. I wouldn't make it a formal arrangement that the children are aware of (depending on their age). More at drop off say 'oh we're having tea would you like to stay', even if this is actually pre arranged between you two. I do think interacting with both parents at same time can be beneficial to children.

Long term only works if both of you are 100% confident that you could sit and eat with new partners as well. If you wanted to commit to a long-term plan I'd go to a carvery first Sunday of the month. Make it an open invitation, grandparents, friends, other family welcome, make it a fun family occasion. Takes the pressure off being just the two of you but shows the kids you can exist happily in the same space.

Oh love, that’s rough. If it was his decision, why? I suspect he probably is seeing other people because you’re doing all the relationship piece without the sex.

I think it’s a lovely idea if it works for everyone BUT it would require everyone to have really clear and fully understood boundaries.