AIBU to think not everyone can be skinny?

Shape is relevant to how skinny you will look.

I'm the same height and similar weight to my friend, but she always looks bigger than me because our shape is totally different. She's very busty, short waisted with long slender legs, whereas I'm small bust, long waisted with short chunky legs. I tend to always look slimmer because I carry my weight on my bum and legs, not my torso, she carries all her weight around her middle, which is harder to disguise.

Typically, I envy her for having shapely legs rather than tree trunks, she envies me for my waistline 🙄

I’m 5ft 2in and would be very happy to weigh 9st 7. However I have a large frame. There is nothing small or slight about me other than my height. Wide shoulders and hips, large hands and feet. I’m an hour glass with long legs relative to my torso and gain (and lose) weight evenly all over so can carry a bit of extra without looking too bad.

I know what you mean. I’m 5’9 and even at my lowest weight of 8st 10lbs (obsessive food tracking and training hard 6 days a week) I had a belly. I’m a flat chested apple with a really wide rib cage so no matter what weight I am I never have that willowy “slim” look.

not really

It's also the attitude towards food. See on MN when people laugh at anyone eating a salad or a soup, but some people do treat food as nourishment first, while others must have "treat food" at every meal.

The average menu ideas given are telling: it's never a piece of fish or chicken with a bit of seasoning and some veg - which is a normal meal in many household, it has to be pasta and potatoes and melted cheese and sauce at every meal.

Some people will call it "restrictions", but others will feel it's the opposite of over-eating and it makes them feel awful.

The healthiest attitude about food is not to be too bothered about it. I honestly have no interest in a full English breakfast, it's not restriction, it's my taste.

Anyone could be slim/skinny just look at prisoners of war camps, previously huge hulking men reduced to sinew and jutting bones... their frames can be different and it may take some people longer to get tto that point and obviously it's not a healthy example but it can be done.

I don't want to be skinny or even slim tbh I just want to be strong, my son is 8 and whilst I can manage him now I really struggle to think how we will cope physically as he ages into teen boy era!

Everyone can be skinny. Your bmi is healthy but the top end of healthy. I don’t start looking ‘skinny’ until 21 and under. But that isn’t the look I want because I don’t look good skinny.

I’m a just over a stone more than you but nearly half a foot taller and I don’t look skinny. I’m definitely not fat but I have big hips & thighs and my chest is still GG. I imagine it would take me losing over a stone to look skinny.

I'm the same height as you, OP, and I definitely didn't look slim at 9st7. Also have big boobs, belly diminishes at lower weights but never totally goes. The weight at which I look slimmish is round about the 9st mark, and I really don't look properly slim until I'm around 8st10. And how slim I look has a lot to do with muscle mass as much as weight - when I'm really toned, I look much better even at the same weight.

Most people who lose weight just end up a slimmer version of their natural body shape, because your bone structure and where you carry any fat you do have remains the same. So it's unrealistic to think if you're a rectangle or apple shape you're going to end up a pencil or hourglass. Best approach is to try to stay within your healthy weight range.

I do think we understand how little very thin people eat

It takes a lot of hunger and restriction to be very slim

I've got a rugby player's build and put on muscle easily. Doing ballet as a teenager was torture! The fashion for being a bit more muscular now suits me and I definitely feel better toned rather than trying to be skinny, even though I'm roughly the same size

And in contrast, I'm a similar height to you and your gaunt, depression weight is my normal! It's unique to everyone.

It depends on your natural build. Some people look unwell when they're thinner, some people do not. The same goes for some people looking healthy at a higher weight, whilst others do not.

We're all different, and our bodies operate differently. Some people may need 1800 calories a day to maintain a weight, others may need more or less.

I have just taken to buying larger flowing tops😁

I think everyone can be a healthy weight for their body type and circumstances, but ‘skinny’ isn’t really a goal I’d go for or really a good indication as every different body has a different shape and composition, so comparing actual bodies doesn’t really work.

You're right op I agree. I'm 5ft 8 and have had bmi between 20 and 27. At my lowest weight I still looked chunky- round face and massive hip and leg bones. On the other hand, even at a bmi of 27 you could see my hip bones and ribs. We all carry weight differently.

If we accept that some people are naturally skinny then we have to accept that others are naturally large. Right?

I honestly don't believe you could look chunky.
You may not look skinny but definitely couldn't look chunky!

I am 5ft 3, natural weight when I was young and eating what I liked I was 9st 4, the lowest I have ever been was 7st 13 when I was depressed and not eating, but I looked awful and gaunt and wrinkled in the face, I was 37 and look better with some weight on. I am an apple and at any weight I have always had a tummy, it has never been flat.

I have lost a far bit of weight recently and have dropped four dress sizes. However I have a broad back and am curvy and have accepted that I am always going to be the one who looks large in photos.

People are built differently so they carry weight differently and have different sized frames so they look different at the same amount of body fat or the same BMI. However, everyone can be slim, everyone can be thin. If you didn't have enough food, you'd lose weight until ultimately you died and on the way you'd be very thin.

I had an eating disorder in my late teens and early twenties. I was significantly underweight but I still had a tummy pouch and large thighs (in comparison to the rest of me). I never managed to tone up or change my body shape so my tummy was completely flat or my thighs slimmed down even obsessively exercising and literally starving myself. Obviously I was slim/ skinny but I still didn’t have the body shape I wanted; if you have a stocky build and arms which are big in comparison to the rest of you that might not be something you can change because whilst you can lose more weight you will lose weight proportionally and the biggest bits of you will always be the biggest bits of you.

😂Yes, this. They offset eachother don’t they lol

I’m very curvy so even when I’ve had a low BMI and a 26 inch waist I don’t look skinny due to the FF/G rack. I’m currently about 8kg overweight and look decidedly matronly.

I’m 5 foot 4 and 9 stone and I have a belly still. Not sure what weight I’d need to be for it to be gone but I feel that 9 stone is my natural weight as even if I do lose a few pounds I seem to jump straight back to 9 stone before long

I’m nearly 6ft, built like a ‘brick shithouse’ (thanks Dad!) and have massive boobs. I tortured myself for years because no matter what I did I couldn’t look skinny and the only tall women in the media in the 90s were the models.
A few years ago I did a management training course that focused on building teams that allow people to play to their strengths and something clicked for me - my body isn’t meant to be skinny, it’s meant to be strong! Changing from calorie counting and treadmill misery to lifting heavy things and eating to fuel muscle growth has been transformative and I’m the healthiest I’ve ever been. I still think my head looks too small on my body in photos but as I get older I really don’t care much

As a Drama/Dance student I once had a teacher that told me “no one looks good on stage with a BMI over (something really low)”

At 21 I was 9st at 5ft 7 but I’ve always had broader shoulders, and never managed a toned belly. I have always boobs and hip dips. I was “the big one”. I ate so healthily and worked out literally every day but it just didn’t happen.

other friends ate terribly but were tiny! And rewarded for it!

I really think that some people are just made a certain way

(and that teacher was talking shit)