How would you feel if someone told you you are not needed

I would stay away. Why don't you just stay away from those people. It's none of their business what you do. Your DH should tell them too. Nothing to do with them how much time he spends with his bereaved friend. !

It's not you, it's them. Try to keep your cool with your SIL, I know it's not easy to do but she sounds like an unhappy person and very strange. No need to spend time with her but try not to let her get in your head. Sorry your in laws are like this.

Won't let me edit my post, meant competition not completion, obviously.

I think it was Susan Sarandon in White Palace who said ‘I give a good blow job, I guess.’ I would have said similar.

Your SIL is projecting. SHE most likely feels she’s not needed.

If my SIL said anything like this to me now I’d say;

“Oh SIL, I’m very much needed thank you very much. I’m sure MY family of DH and my X DC would totally disagree with you.

I think the real question is - are you needed around here?

What a complete weirdo, I have two brothers and their wives are in absolutely no completion with me. They are far more important and needed my brothers than me!

Just reply 'he does need me, unless you or your mum are willing to fuck him'.

She hasn’t grown up. I can’t imagine how anyone could anyone grow up and mature without moving out.

I can think of obvious reasons a man needs his partner as opposed to his parents and sibling! How rude of her to say that to you. I'd ignore her.

I would feel that I was married to a man who had a sister who was very possessive of him and their family of birth, and who resented me for my presence in the family, and lacked the filter not to let it show. I'd feel the problem was entirely to do with her unhealthy attitudes and nothing I need to worry about personally, other than to make sure I wasn't exposed to her regularly. I'd expect my husband to tell her it wasn't on to say that, and if she didn't change her behaviour, I'd expect him and the wider family to understand why I refused to be in her company.

Has she ever had a serious relationship?

In the context of “we don’t need you to tell us who he is” that kind of makes sense, except they might only know who he presents to them. But yes, I wouldn’t need my brother in law to tell me the kind of person my sister is. That said, I’d see it as just one of those things a person says and either agree or disagree with them.

The “we don’t need you here at all” is a bit more confusing. “Here” as in where? Were you at their house for something?

That's what I was thinking.
A sister and a wife are very different things to have in a blokes life.

No wonder the SIL is lonely, who would want to spend time with a jealous weapon like her.

We have a version of this in our family. I suspect you are right that this os really about your sister in law seeing her brother move on and she is not in that place and she still wants to have that version of family she had growing up. Her behaviour and words are about her own pain and difficulties in life don’t let them affect you. She clearly has problems. You cannot fix those for her leave her to figure it out herself. All that said I would not be viewing her as a person in your inner circle. You’ve seen where she sits in your sphere. Leave her out there unless she grows up a bit down the line and takes responsibility for her behaviour.

Op, I forgot to ask, does the sister have additional needs? The behaviour just isn't normal for her age.

So the parents back her? Then NC with them all.

What does your DH say about the whole thing?

Sounds like family dynamics and them seeing you as an outsider at play here. It shouldn't matter the context. As LBFseBrom, just let it go and live your life with your husband. I wouldn't give them a second thought and if you bump into them just say hi. Take the higher ground.

. Was replying to a post and it didn’t quote 🤦🏼‍♀️

I agree Bunnylake. Me and my SIL could’ve been great friends. I put in a lot of effort for many years. She missed a trick.

When it became apparent that my in-laws were not people who I could trust or were on my side, I developed other friendships and it’s those people I invest in, not them.

SIL is 50 and lives with her parents. She's extremely enmeshed with them and thinks her bro should be too. She wants a form of emotional incest with him. She wants her brother to have a stunted life being a failure to launch middle aged dude who has no life outside his parents and sister. That's pretty twisted.

What to say? SIL, you're giving Flowers In The Attic vibes. Chill.

Your husband obviously wants and has a life outside of his sister's orbit.

My advice would be stop seeing her. She doesn't come over. Polite if you happen to run into her, but if she gets mad, you and your husband leave. She needs consequences for her behaviour. She acts up, you guys won't be around her.

It's horrendous, SIL needs to stop her creepy obsession with her brother, and find her own partner ha hem life of her own!

I'm sorry OP, but I appear to have missed the post where your husband has told his sister to belt up and stop being a dickhead and to treat his wife with respect.

There's your problem.

there was no misunderstanding whatsoever. It was very rude inappropriate and tbh simply weird comment.
I don’t think you should have any sort of adult conversation with her, she should think carefully about her behaviour and make an apology - in reality I suspect she wouldn’t so I would just drop her until then.

I had one of those too😊. The older unmarried ‘spinster’ aunt (as opposed to someone just living their life as a single) can be an absolutely wonderful person to have in your family. My mum had two spinster aunts who were sisters, lived together and had god knows how many cats, my mum adored them. As a child we had neighbours who were three elderly spinster sisters and we kids would actually call them auntie. This woman has really missed a trick, instead of being bitter and jealous she could have been a loving aunt everyone adored.