Page 7 | How would you feel if someone told you you are not needed

Sunnyday321 · 05/06/2025 17:34

Sounds a but like my ex mil . Her daughter was getting married and her dh was obviously walking their dd down the aisle . Outside the church as she said " I need you " and promptly took his dh arm as they entered the church leaving me,and 2 young dc to find a place to sit whilst she took now exdh to the front pew where she was then joined by her husband once he'd walked his daughter in . I spent the whole ceremony livid with both mil and dh for doing it without question .

NebulousWhistler · 05/06/2025 17:28

Amyrhaf · 05/06/2025 13:13

Shes not married, has never left home despite being 50 x

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I’d have probably stopped right down to her level and said something like “says the pathetic old spinster still living with mummy and daddy”. Childish yes but it would have made me feel better.

in reality I’d probably have said the above in my head and just rolled my eyes at her.

PorgyandBess · 05/06/2025 17:28

She’s 50, single and lives with her parents.

I’d imagine she’s feeling somewhat crappy about the way her life’s turned out and she resents you, who probably has what she’d loved to have. And because she’s bitter, she’s being a cow.

I’d delight in giving her the widest of berths and NEVER letting her know she’s annoyed or upset you.

Fitasafiddle1 · 05/06/2025 17:23

Amyrhaf · 05/06/2025 16:46

She has a good job as a teacher, I do wonder sometimes how she manages to not let her passive aggressiveness spill out onto her pupils, and also how she manages in general.

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I am sure she is foul to them too. Probably disliked by everyone. Used to ordering and controlling others, and getting her own way unchallenged.

I would run with the opportunity to put some hard yards between you.

RedToothBrush · 05/06/2025 17:20

Amyrhaf · 05/06/2025 16:18

SIL has always been a bit rude/passive aggressive, not very kind in general but I always sensed he “disliked” the fact that her brother has another woman in his life that is not “her” weird as it seems

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I don't think it's unusual. I can think of people like this who are over invested in their sibling's life. The key point - the sibling will be married with children and they won't be.

Crazyworldmum · 05/06/2025 17:19

And sorry but yes wife trumps anyone apart from children ! And if people cannot see this then their relationship is doomed . Loyalty to your wife ( and husband ) should be above that to anyone else

Enthusiasticcarrotgrower · 05/06/2025 17:18

Amyrhaf · 05/06/2025 15:25

DH initially bought it up with both of them, told them I was the mother of his children and reminded his mother that I was also the mother of her grandchildren, he does not speak to his sister atm x

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Good on your DH for sticking up for you and making things clear.

SIL was well out of order. She sounds jealous and unhappy. Tell MiL that SIL just needs to apologise for being so rude. You are being the opposite of being weak, you are being boundaried.

Crazyworldmum · 05/06/2025 17:17

What’s your husbands take on this ? Did he put her in her place ?

queenMab99 · 05/06/2025 17:14

It sounds like she made a childish retort, withput thinking it through, when she knew she was in the wrong for criticising him. How old is she? She sounds extremely immature.

Brefugee · 05/06/2025 17:12

have not RTFT. Surely the only answer to that is "ewww is he shagging you lot too?"

then NC. And possibly move away. Possibly leaving the DH behind.

Callipygion · 05/06/2025 17:09

Amyrhaf · 05/06/2025 16:46

She has a good job as a teacher, I do wonder sometimes how she manages to not let her passive aggressiveness spill out onto her pupils, and also how she manages in general.

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Deary me, I was going to say “is she a teacher?” As she sounds exactly like my bat-shit sister-in-law (in her 60s) never married, living with her mum. She’s used to being in charge (at school) and having everyone jump to her commands, so expects it at home too.

Catsandcannedbeans · 05/06/2025 17:02

No I wouldn’t let someone speak to me like that, but I wouldn’t let a 50 year old who still lives at home bother me anyway. I’d view her as a petulant child.

Original poster

Amyrhaf · 05/06/2025 16:51

I commented a little further up that she has always been a bit rude, passive aggressive and not very welcoming no matter what I did. There was always a sense of she was fine with me as long as she could control us all. It seems she was finally unable to keep the mask on and her true feelings came out

OP posts:

PineConeOrDogPoo · 05/06/2025 16:46

How did your relationship get to this point?

Original poster

Amyrhaf · 05/06/2025 16:46

PeapodMcgee · 05/06/2025 16:45

I know this type; thick as mince and bitter with it. Ultimately they feel jealous of you.

She has a good job as a teacher, I do wonder sometimes how she manages to not let her passive aggressiveness spill out onto her pupils, and also how she manages in general.

OP posts:

PeapodMcgee · 05/06/2025 16:45

I know this type; thick as mince and bitter with it. Ultimately they feel jealous of you.

Original poster

Amyrhaf · 05/06/2025 16:43

Boomer55 · 05/06/2025 16:39

It surely depends on what you husband thinks. 😊

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My husband thinks she was awful

OP posts:

Boomer55 · 05/06/2025 16:39

Amyrhaf · 05/06/2025 12:40

How would you feel if your sister-in-law told you outright, “you are not needed here” that my DH “has a mother, has a sister, there is no need for you here at all” my DH and I have been together since I was 18, now 33, 2 DC. I have since blocked her on all SM and keeping a huge distance from her, but really, who would accept being spoken to like that?

It surely depends on what you husband thinks. 😊

ruethewhirl · 05/06/2025 16:39

She sounds vile OP, like someone who has to be the main character. Who says things like these? I'd have as little to do with her as possible, you are absolutely not BU.

MeridianB · 05/06/2025 16:38

Amyrhaf · 05/06/2025 15:25

DH initially bought it up with both of them, told them I was the mother of his children and reminded his mother that I was also the mother of her grandchildren, he does not speak to his sister atm x

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What did his mother say? I'm guessing it wasn't 'sorry son, you're quite right'?

If DH is not speaking to his sister then you certainly don't have to!

Cerialkiller · 05/06/2025 16:27

nomoremsniceperson · 05/06/2025 15:06

Bleurgh. People who can't tell the difference between being a mother/sister and a wife are weird and creepy. YANBU

Agree with this. It's one of those strange emotionally incestuous relationships at least in one direction. SIL is 'lonely' according to MIL because the evil harpy (you) have taken away her playmate (surrogate boyfriend). Ew.

I think I would feel so sad for her that it would be a struggle not to be utterly sweetly patronising to her face.

'you aren't needed here'

'Aww sil (hands clasped to chest, sweet smile) I'm so sorry I've touched a nerve, I'll be more gentle with you next time).

DontTouchRoach · 05/06/2025 16:22

Amyrhaf · 05/06/2025 12:50

Context is DH had been spending slot of time helping our bereaved friends who had recently lost their child. SIL commented that he was spending far to much time there, trying to make himself out to be a big important man! And why did he need to run to help them?! I calmly told her “well thats just how DH is, he wants to help” Cue “we dont need you to tell us about DH name, we dont need you here at all, he has a mother and a sister, we dont need you” etc etc…

They sound nuts to be honest.

Original poster

Amyrhaf · 05/06/2025 16:18

Rememberwhatthedoorknobsaid · 05/06/2025 16:14

You have been with your DH for a long time. Has his family had an over night shift in attitude towards you or is this there a long list of drama preceding this latest fall out? Sounds like you just need to stay away.

SIL has always been a bit rude/passive aggressive, not very kind in general but I always sensed he “disliked” the fact that her brother has another woman in his life that is not “her” weird as it seems

OP posts:

Rememberwhatthedoorknobsaid · 05/06/2025 16:14

You have been with your DH for a long time. Has his family had an over night shift in attitude towards you or is this there a long list of drama preceding this latest fall out? Sounds like you just need to stay away.

SlightlyJaded · 05/06/2025 16:09

Honestly OP, I wouldn't bother trying to talk to her about it unless she approaches you. As I said upthread, people like this tend to be emotionally stunted and a bit thick. They are over-invested in everyone else's business and personality because tearing people down is the only way that they can feel better about themselves and their mean little lives.

Almost certainly, anything you say during said conversation will be mentally stored, twisted and used against you at some point.

If I was you, I'd go distant and breezy all the way.