How would you feel if someone told you you are not needed

I'd laugh tbh as it is a bizarre thing to say
Everyone has a role to play. Each is different and all are important.
Unless you are bat shit like her.

She sounds like a total nut tbh - now I’m gonna read OP comments to get the background / more than likely affirm my suspicions!

This is the issue, I think. She's bitter and jealous and feels sidelined so she's trying to somehow reclaim her brother and make you feel irrelevant.

She sounds a bit nuts. I hope your husband has your back on this and has put her firmly in her place.

I don’t blame you at all—that’s a deeply hurtful and dismissive thing to say. No one deserves to be spoken to like they’re irrelevant, especially after so many years as part of the family. Blocking and creating distance sounds like a healthy boundary. You’re absolutely right to protect your peace.

Haha, I bet she is too! The poor wife having to deal with the SIL.

It sounds as though your sil resents you, she has never flown the nest and has no family of her own. She's in an echo chamber, with no husband children or grandchildren to occupy her time emotions or energy, nothing to keep her young. She has never experienced true independence. Maybe she's been seething with envy all these years and it's finally boiled over. She may view you as the woman who stole her brother and broke up her happy but dysfunctional family dynamic, I would carry on regardless, your husband has your back. It's not you that's the problem, it's them.

Sounds like SIL takes after her mother.

Unless he’s having a sexual relationship with his mum and/or sister!! Tell her to buggaer off.
She just hates whoever it is that would have married into the family. She sounds delightful

She sounds like a twat. I personally wouldn't mind not being 'needed', it's much better to be wanted. I'm sure your DH wants you, and what he wants is nothing to do with his sister.

She's got MH problems is my best guess, probably due to not having any kind of a life. That's not your fault but I doubt anything will change until someone gets her some professional help as this type of behaviour isn't normal and you do see it sometimes in people who have limited life experiences. Your MIL sounds like she enables her behaviour. Tell your husband to deal with them, you need an apology not two daft bats distorting reality.

Not needed where? You are married with children so presumably your DH lives with you- what does this refer to?

His sister is probably sitting in a cobwebbed room somewhere, in a wedding dress thinking she’s some kind of Miss Haversham. 🤮

Quite possibly! The parents were actually really nice as well, that was the puzzling part.

Yes, I was serious. Maybe not illness but a learning disability or something. It just sounds really weird and doesn't make sense for her to say those things to you, for a harmless comment. As for the mil she's wrong to try to say it's ok.

I'm afraid in your shoes, I would have been rather explicit in explaining all the thing I could do for him as a wife that she cannot do as a sister! Possibly until she begged me to stop!

Don't waste another moment on her. She is not worth it and your husband sees it too.

His sister is probably sitting in a cobwebbed room somewhere, in a wedding dress thinking she’s some kind of Miss Haversham. 🤮

Is there some weird relationship thing going on here with her brother and your MIL?
I'm getting "bitty" vibes.

I'm pleased you said "had", and not "have." That's is crazy, creepy, and inappropriate all at the same time! It will scare off any future relationships as well I bet.

Oh me too, me too! Was many years ago.
He's actually married now with a couple of kids! But I have no more detail than that.

I'm pleased you said "had", and not "have." That's is crazy, creepy, and inappropriate all at the same time! It will scare off any future relationships as well I bet.

Does she have a mental illness?

I had a boyfriend whose sister was weirdly competitive with me, and honestly acted like she was his girlfriend. He unfortunately went along with it, too. So for instance if we were out and he held my hand, he'd hold hers too like some freaky thrupple.

She was so competitive with me that when we went hillwalking she stormed off at top speed at the start of what was to be a long day, in the spirit of one-upmanship of me, completely winded herself and then cried. He was all hugs and calling her "little one" and the hillwalk was called off as he lovingly held her hand to walk her gently back to the car park.

I've had other boyfriends with sisters before and since and invariably got on well with them, so I don't think that was me that was the issue, despite what he claimed.

I’m surprised you gave it headspace. Poor lady is having a picnic without the sarnies.

I can fully understand you giving her a wide berth, I had similar, from sil. She's very jealous and controlling, she has made it clear when I leave my DH she'll be there to pick up the pieces, she herself has said he is always complimentary when he talks about me, it's in her mind, No contact with her toxicity