Page 4 | How would you feel if someone told you you are not needed

Amyrhaf · 2025-06-05T11:40:52+00:00

How would you feel if your sister-in-law told you outright, “you are not needed here” that my DH “has a mother, has a sister, there is no need for you here at all” my DH and I have been together since I was 18, now 33, 2 DC. I have since blocked her on all SM and keeping a huge distance from her, but really, who would accept being spoken to like that?

Aimtodobetter · 06/06/2025 20:07

i’ve never been in a long term relationship but have treated my sisters’ long term partners and my brothers’ (short-term) wife as if they were in many ways more important to my siblings than me - because I assume they are. They certainly spend a lot more time together - and whilst there is a specific bond that is less conditional for your siblings (eg we were there for my brother when his marriage quickly broke up) - whilst those partner relationships are active they are clearly the primary relationship (if you have to compare).

Sharptonguedwoman · 06/06/2025 20:05

Amyrhaf · 05/06/2025 12:54

I have posted the context x sil doesnt have children? I haven’t over stepped anything please read posts

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OP, is she jealous of you?

LucyMonth · 06/06/2025 19:57

She never said your DH doesn’t need you. She said she and MIL don’t need you.

So everyone saying does she want to have sex with her brother can maybe calm down.

It wasn’t a nice thing to say but I really don’t understand why you’re giving it much thought. Your SIL doesn’t think she needs you. So what?

Nikki75 · 06/06/2025 19:30

She's unhappy in her own life . Feeling bitter or jealous I too would stay away , 50 and never left why xx

Uricon2 · 06/06/2025 19:14

pineapplesundae · 06/06/2025 19:01

People say things they don't mean, or mean in a different way all time. Tensions were probably high for whatever reason. I don't see a reason to cut family off for life here. You two need to talk and hug it out.

Have you read the whole thread @pineapplesundae ?

You do that with people where there is fundamental like and respect after a disagreement. This does not sound like that sort of situation, at all.

JCS1000 · 06/06/2025 19:07

I don’t know the context but presuming you’ve done nothing wrong for her to react this way I really hope your husband is supporting you in this. It’s his family he should be putting them straight.

pineapplesundae · 06/06/2025 19:01

People say things they don't mean, or mean in a different way all time. Tensions were probably high for whatever reason. I don't see a reason to cut family off for life here. You two need to talk and hug it out.

DraigCymraeg · 06/06/2025 18:59

This all sounds very odd.
You are being attacked but it is your husband who is spending time with friends who have lost a child. Why on earth would anybody object to his kindness?
Is it jealously?
They should be proud of him. I'm sure you are.

Soberinthecity · 06/06/2025 18:56

MoistVonL · 05/06/2025 12:43

Depends on the context. On the face of it, rude, but it is all about the context.

What were you doing, and were you interfering?

Agree. I feel like there’s something missing from this story.

Playinwithfire · 06/06/2025 18:50

SIL sounds very threatened by you! Raging that she can not control him.

I don't think there needs to be context!! Nobody should be spoken to like that! It is unacceptable.

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 06/06/2025 18:38

Amyrhaf · 06/06/2025 18:25

No never x

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That says a lot

Original poster

Amyrhaf · 06/06/2025 18:31

FoodAppropriation · 05/06/2025 13:07

I don't understand the context, but no you are not equal with a daughter and her mother and never will be? You are not family, nothing wrong with that.

The " we don't need you here" is more confusing, need more details.

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Erm… I’m pretty sure I am my husbands family… as are our children?

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Original poster

Amyrhaf · 06/06/2025 18:25

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 05/06/2025 14:32

Has she ever had a serious relationship?

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No never x

OP posts:

SomewhereInTheMIdlands · 06/06/2025 18:19

We have had similar. Wills have been rewritten accordingly. And when the will is published/read, they will be reminded of why they, and by extension, their now adult children will be getting nothing.

Lollyluv · 06/06/2025 18:05

I don’t know about what it said in anyone else’s vows but it said in mine “forsaking all other”. That means a spouse comes before anyone else period.
and certainly before a weird ass sister.

Lollyluv · 06/06/2025 18:02

She said it was a friends child. Not the SIL.

ThatHonestPeer · 06/06/2025 18:01

Sounds like one bitter, jealous bitch, to be honest. How dare she tell her brother's wife that she is not needed?! Who died and made her queen of who is needed in the family? Your husband chose you, not her.

Fitasafiddle1 · 06/06/2025 17:55

Katkins17 · 06/06/2025 17:43

Was this posted on Facebook or X ???
im sure I read this already !

It’s hardly uncommon! Hag of a sil and a battleaxe mil IS pretty standard on these boards, over the years we have read thousands of first hand experiences!

Original poster

Amyrhaf · 06/06/2025 17:52

Katkins17 · 06/06/2025 17:43

Was this posted on Facebook or X ???
im sure I read this already !

I haven’t posted this before, but would be interesting to hear a similar situation x

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Dawnb19 · 06/06/2025 17:49

Sounds like my sister in law. I think she's jealous that I spend time with her mam. I moved to a small village when I started dating her brother 8 years ago. We now have 2 children and live opposite his mam and I do spend a lot of time with her. My children love their granny, especially my 3 year old so we do go to Thier omhousw a few times a week.
I think it's because my SIL is the youngest so she is used to being spoilt. She's quite a bit younger than her brother's so she's definitely not used to sharing her parents.

bigbreakfastclub · 06/06/2025 17:47

Amyrhaf · 05/06/2025 13:13

Shes not married, has never left home despite being 50 x

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It’s not surprising she’s not married, I’m glad your husband is supporting you.
she sounds horrible and jealous, keep your distance from them x

Katkins17 · 06/06/2025 17:43

Was this posted on Facebook or X ???
im sure I read this already !

Original poster

Amyrhaf · 06/06/2025 17:31

WordsFailMeYetAgain · 06/06/2025 12:52

Oh god, that's taken me back to my school days. Teacher in primary school was a spinster and still lived at home with Ma and Pa! She was a really nasty piece of work. Had all her favourites who she called "Peach" (FFS) and was an absolute COW to me and my siblings. This was back in the 70's when kids were scared of teachers.

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Its funny there seems to be a correlation?

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Original poster

Amyrhaf · 06/06/2025 16:02

MumbleBumbleAppleCrumble · 06/06/2025 15:49

Of course the truth is, what on earth has how your DH choses to spend his time got to do with his sister! You as his wife, absolutely. Her, absolutely not her business. She sounds dreadful.

Unless there was more to this conversation than your saying, for instance, DH’s parents or similar are ill and he’s not helping there. But otherwise how a grown up decides to spend their time has absolutely nothing to do with their siblings.

DH parents are not ill, and if they were DH would take the brunt of their care because thats just how he is, but yes completely agree it is non of her business! I could never imagine talking to my brother in the same way, or telling him why are you doing this that or the other, or indeed speaking to his partner in that way!

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MumbleBumbleAppleCrumble · 06/06/2025 15:49

Of course the truth is, what on earth has how your DH choses to spend his time got to do with his sister! You as his wife, absolutely. Her, absolutely not her business. She sounds dreadful.

Unless there was more to this conversation than your saying, for instance, DH’s parents or similar are ill and he’s not helping there. But otherwise how a grown up decides to spend their time has absolutely nothing to do with their siblings.