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Original poster

How would you feel if someone told you you are not needed

307 replies

Amyrhaf · 05/06/2025 12:40

How would you feel if your sister-in-law told you outright, “you are not needed here” that my DH “has a mother, has a sister, there is no need for you here at all” my DH and I have been together since I was 18, now 33, 2 DC. I have since blocked her on all SM and keeping a huge distance from her, but really, who would accept being spoken to like that?

OP posts:
JJMama · 08/06/2025 12:34

Amyrhaf · 05/06/2025 12:40

How would you feel if your sister-in-law told you outright, “you are not needed here” that my DH “has a mother, has a sister, there is no need for you here at all” my DH and I have been together since I was 18, now 33, 2 DC. I have since blocked her on all SM and keeping a huge distance from her, but really, who would accept being spoken to like that?

I’d be more concerned if my husband spoke up and told his sister to fuck off! He’s chosen you, they are just family by default!

Did he speak up on your behalf OP? Or does he agree with them? Based on this, you will know what to do.

THEDEACON · 08/06/2025 12:01

Id have ripped her head off but thats just me

Original poster
Amyrhaf · 08/06/2025 12:01

NJC7 · 08/06/2025 11:50

Honestly why are you still absolutely obsessed with this? Just ignore her, end of. Letting it play on your mind all weekend seems pointless. She’s said it now, it’s done

Just really disappointed in the whole situation I guess, family is extremely extremely important to me.

OP posts:
NJC7 · 08/06/2025 11:50

Honestly why are you still absolutely obsessed with this? Just ignore her, end of. Letting it play on your mind all weekend seems pointless. She’s said it now, it’s done

Original poster
Amyrhaf · 08/06/2025 10:39

Skybluepinky · 08/06/2025 10:31

She like lots of others and hates their siblings choice of partner, but unlike others she voiced it.
Avoid her like the plague, but don’t slag her off.

She did not voice her dislike for me. She said I was not needed. Every single human being on the planet is needed, liked or not. Its ok to say you dislike someone, its a whole other level of disrespect to tell someone they are not needed. If you dislike someone, then that is fine. To tell someone they are not needed, is horrible, totally totally horrible, firstly, because it is simply not true ( i am a mother, wife, daughter, sister, niece, sister in law to my husbands other sister (who we get along with great) aunty etc. I can deal with someone not liking me, you can dislike someone and still be a decent, respectful human being.

OP posts:
Skybluepinky · 08/06/2025 10:31

She like lots of others and hates their siblings choice of partner, but unlike others she voiced it.
Avoid her like the plague, but don’t slag her off.

OneChirpyGuide · 08/06/2025 01:24

Have you mentioned it to your husband? I think navigating this with him would help. Like is he supporting you. support from your husband especially in dealing this with his family is probably the best you can do. Have him talk to them if it escalates.

AngelicKaty · 08/06/2025 00:16

Amyrhaf · 06/06/2025 21:43

I am very proud of him, he is a good man. But really i couldn’t understand why she didn’t think that we should all be helping this bereaved family,

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Exactly this. Like you, I'd be very annoyed with SIL for being so rude, but she is clearly a nasty, spiteful, uncompassionate, unempathetic, bitter cow. I mean, what normal person criticises another (particularly their own sibling) for being kind and supportive to bereaved parents? I would continue to keep your distance from her if only for your DCs' sakes - she is a malign influence they do not need in their lives, ever.

AngelicKaty · 08/06/2025 00:06

BeJollyNewt · 07/06/2025 13:15

She has rights to be in part of your dc's lives but not your social media . you can block her

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Utter tosh. There is no UK law that gives aunts (or uncles) "rights" to be in their nephews' or nieces' lives. Even grandparents don't have an automatic legal right to see their grandchildren if the parents deny them access.

Coco1379 · 07/06/2025 21:33

Is she a jealous frustrated spinster, whose life revolves around her brother by any chance?
What does your DH say about it?

MustWeDoThis · 07/06/2025 21:30

Amyrhaf · 05/06/2025 13:13

Shes not married, has never left home despite being 50 x

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This is the problem. She's projecting. If you were a 50 year old spinster, still living with your parents, no male/female attention, your brother is the only source of male companionship you have ever been close to outside of your Father - You might also be bitter and jaded.

She's projecting. She's the one who is not needed, nor wanted by her brother, or anyone for that matter (in the ways of courting/marrying etc). She has nothing and you have everything.

I had the same problem, but they were much younger. I put them in their place and then cut them off; as did my husband. It's bonkers how jealous in-laws can be!!

I think you would do well with the saying "Silence is the best response". Nothing wind's them up more when you look too far down on them to be spoken to.

Tanjamaltija · 07/06/2025 21:07

''Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.'' That is all.

Catsmart · 07/06/2025 20:31

Amyrhaf · 05/06/2025 12:40

How would you feel if your sister-in-law told you outright, “you are not needed here” that my DH “has a mother, has a sister, there is no need for you here at all” my DH and I have been together since I was 18, now 33, 2 DC. I have since blocked her on all SM and keeping a huge distance from her, but really, who would accept being spoken to like that?

That's outrageous me and my half sister don't get on but we managed to get together for my mum's funeral and probate, just remember you are far better than them good luck take care

Roz185 · 07/06/2025 20:16

Just back off and leave them to it. As long they are not interfering with your own relationship with husband and children leave well alone and don't get drawn into what sounds a bizarre situation.

miss79guided · 07/06/2025 20:09

Amyrhaf · 07/06/2025 09:41

Thank you, given that all hell has broken loose with them since I have decided to keep our distance, its becoming pretty obvious that I am very much needed 😅

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all hell has broken loose with them since I have decided to keep our distance

> Or HAS it ?
Were the, all hell broken loose with them ALREADY there, you did NOT notice it BEFORE because you were a part of it - NOW have decided to keep our distance, you are MORE aware of it - NOW lookin in from the OUTSIDE

NJC7 · 07/06/2025 19:03

This post is the perfect example of “context is everything”

Original poster
Amyrhaf · 07/06/2025 18:22

chrissielo · 07/06/2025 18:17

This is what my DIL told me & now because of her, my Son has stopped all contact. It's broken my heart!

Edited

Your DIL told you that you are not needed? How horrible for you, im sorry she did that, isnt it awful

OP posts:
chrissielo · 07/06/2025 18:17

This is what my DIL told me & now because of her, my Son has stopped all contact. It's broken my heart!

Braygirlnow · 07/06/2025 13:51

Amyrhaf · 05/06/2025 16:00

I agree that talking needs to be done, I ont like it either, which is why I made it clear that our door was open for an adult conversation x

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An adult conversation yes, but I would inform your mil that your door is always open for when sil wants to apologise. If she doesn't that's up to her I wouldn't lose any sleep over it. She is the one who was rude to you, you can't fix it, only she can, and if she doesn't then that's that.

BunnyLake · 07/06/2025 13:48

BeJollyNewt · 07/06/2025 13:15

She has rights to be in part of your dc's lives but not your social media . you can block her

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What law school did you go to?

Original poster
Amyrhaf · 07/06/2025 13:20

BeJollyNewt · 07/06/2025 13:15

She has rights to be in part of your dc's lives but not your social media . you can block her

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She is blocked, and what rights does she have? Is there an “aunty” law?

OP posts:
Whataloadoffuss · 07/06/2025 13:19

PeapodMcgee · 07/06/2025 13:16

She certainly does not have rights to be in the DCs lives!

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Agreed. Nobody has this right at all. You earn your title through actions/behaviours. I have family who are estranged relatives, due to their toxicity being a safeguarding risk around my children.

PeapodMcgee · 07/06/2025 13:16

BeJollyNewt · 07/06/2025 13:15

She has rights to be in part of your dc's lives but not your social media . you can block her

Show quote history

She certainly does not have rights to be in the DCs lives!

BeJollyNewt · 07/06/2025 13:15

Amyrhaf · 07/06/2025 00:07

MIL also told me after blocking SIL that “SIL has rights to be a part of DC’s lives”

She has rights to be in part of your dc's lives but not your social media . you can block her

Original poster
Amyrhaf · 07/06/2025 12:47

Gardengirl108 · 07/06/2025 11:28

My SIL out of the blue once told my DH (at another sibling’s wedding) that he had to choose between her and me. Context was that we had both had a falling out with her years before over her behaviour, but things were (I thought) resolved. We’d been married for about 12 years by then and had our son. DH told her well, there’s no decision to make is there and walked away. SIL has since been diagnosed with Schizophrenia so we think this was probably around the time her symptoms started to come out.

Wow, really?

OP posts:
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