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Original poster

Not To Invite Mum On Holiday

40 replies

KT1113 · 05/06/2025 10:57

I'm a single parent to 4, but only have 3 at home.

My mum has been an absolute rock since my husband left, he sees the kids 3 hours a week, so she steps in and helps with anything I need when I'm stuck for a second pair of hands.

Last year and the year before I paid for us all to go on holiday (her included). It worked out not much more to add her on and I'm happy to pay for her when I can afford it as she does so much for us.

This year the children have asked to go to Dubai. I'm happy with that as I went years ago and loved it. It would be far too hot for mum and she wouldn't enjoy the activities they are wanting to do now either. In addition to that, now I have more confidence with travelling with the children, I'd quite like to take them by myself, kind of to 'prove' to myself I can do it. Also, the holiday to Dubai is more expensive than the previous holidays as it is in half term, so I couldn't comfortably offer to pay for another adult this time.

I have booked it and haven't told her yet, as I feel like I'm being unkind not including her this year😔I think she'll be expecting for us all to go away later in the year as it has become the norm. Should I have offered/how can I let her know we are going alone in a kind way. I'd hate to damage our relationship, although I may well be overthinking it!

OP posts:
tedibear · 05/06/2025 11:43

I think she will be more put out about it because it’s already booked. She might have said she’ll pay for herself and wld be happy to do to her thing when your doing the activities she wouldn’t like.

Does she have anyone else to go on holiday with? If the answer is no then she might be really hurt that you didn’t talk to her first and just excluded her completely.

Delphiniumandlupins · 05/06/2025 11:37

When you have included her on your holidays in the past have you included her in any of the planning or discussion of where and when to go? If you know this is likely her only holiday, and something she looks forward to, why did you not tell her when you started looking at Dubai? If the situation was reversed, and you were suddenly not able to go on holiday because she refused to come too, how would you feel? Treat other people as you would like to be treated.

Weepingwillows12 · 05/06/2025 11:16

How has it been badged in the past? As a "thank you" trip for her or just a "can you come and help me" trip? will she gets a holiday if she doesn't come with you? If it's usually the way you thank her and she won't get a holiday without you then I think it's a bit unkind but you are within your rights to not make it a every year thing but I think you just need to figure out another way to thank her. If you don't think she will mind too much then just tell her and explain your reasoning.

Original poster
KT1113 · 05/06/2025 11:15

McCartneyOnTheHeath · 05/06/2025 11:12

She likely won't even want to go to Dubai. I bet she'll be relieved.

Yeah she definitely wouldn't want to go there, I think she'll be relieved she isn't expected to come there but disappointed we aren't all going somewhere else together.

OP posts:
GaspingGekko · 05/06/2025 11:15

IfIDid · 05/06/2025 11:04

I think you should have told her in advance of booking exactly what you’ve said here. It’s quite cruel to be presenting her with a fait accompli that omits her, if she’s been a total rock since your separation, and is expecting to go on holiday with you again this year.

I agree with this. Having an upfront discussion with all your reasons is one thing. Telling her you've booked something without her would be really quite hurtful I imagine

McCartneyOnTheHeath · 05/06/2025 11:12

She likely won't even want to go to Dubai. I bet she'll be relieved.

Ponoka7 · 05/06/2025 11:11

Spirallingdownwards · 05/06/2025 11:02

I think it's fine. Next time you see her just say Just to let you know the 3 kids and I are off to Dubai at half term. No need to say anything further at all but the longer you leave it the more it becomes a thing.

To someone who is your extra pair of hands, you need a bit more than that.

As said, explain it as you have here. Tell her that the kids want to go to Dubai and that it's an activity based holiday. Given the cost there won't be any room for compromise. Also that you'd like to push yourself to go alone. Do it face-to-face. I'm similar to your Mum, but I like the break when they are on holiday. Realistically as she ages, she'd be travelling to be left alone a lot of the time, especially if she doesn't like being out in the heat.

hideawayforever · 05/06/2025 11:11

yes I'd make it out to be a challenge that you want to conquer of taking them away on your own.

AMillionTomorrows · 05/06/2025 11:10

Tell her why - your reasons are sound - and take her away for the weekend.

Butchyrestingface · 05/06/2025 11:10

Tell her now, and explain your reasons.

She might have issues with you going to Dubai, but that's another thread.

MiniCoopers · 05/06/2025 11:09

Also explain the kids want to go to Dubai. Ask her how she’d feel about the heat? Are you sure it’s too much for her or it’s down to cost? Please be upfront with her.

SheridansPortSalut · 05/06/2025 11:04

"I'd quite like to take them by myself, kind of to 'prove' to myself I can do it"

Just tell her that. She'll understand.

IfIDid · 05/06/2025 11:04

I think you should have told her in advance of booking exactly what you’ve said here. It’s quite cruel to be presenting her with a fait accompli that omits her, if she’s been a total rock since your separation, and is expecting to go on holiday with you again this year.

Spirallingdownwards · 05/06/2025 11:02

I think it's fine. Next time you see her just say Just to let you know the 3 kids and I are off to Dubai at half term. No need to say anything further at all but the longer you leave it the more it becomes a thing.

MrsSkylerWhite · 05/06/2025 10:59

Could you take her for a long weekend in the UK as well, somewhere she likes?

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