Not To Invite Mum On Holiday

I would have sounded it out before booking and explained the reasons. She sounds lovely and probably wouldn't assume to go but it would kinder to not just say you're going.

When are you going? You say half term - the next one is October (unless you mean the school summer holidays) so surely she'll be asking soon about your plans for the summer?

If you are going in October you can say me and the kids are booked for Dubai later in the year. It's been quite a costly one so I'm trying to work out if we can do a short trip in the summer as well. If we can make it work you are welcome to join us.

If you are going in the summer then you really ought to address it ASAP so she doesn't get her hopes up or feels you've kept it from her. You can use a similar approach to the above but you do need to get it out on the open. You'll feel so much better when you do.

You and your children are a family without her as well as with her. If you had a partner she wouldn’t be going on every “family” holiday you booked, she can’t expect she will always be going on holiday with you and your children. It’s very very important you establish yourself now or you’ll always default to being your mother’s daughter, rather than your children’s mother. You are a mother in your own right, you are a family in your own right.

Well if she said she doesn't fancy it just take the kids it is fine, see if she fancies a long weekend somewhere

It’s fine, tell her you want to prove it to yourself that you can manage by yourself - have some 1-1 kid time.

have an amazing time! Go you!

You're more than entitled to want to go on holidays just you and the children. I do all the time as I'm solo too.

As I mother, I'm sure most mothers would understand. Yes tell her, and maybe tell her you're going to do this yearly. It doesn't meet you can never go away with her.

Have a look at when/where you might want to go as a short break together. Then tell her that you’ve decided to take the kids to Dubai at half term, and as it’s not a holiday that would suit her, that you want to arrange a trip to x with her for August.

Its great that she’s helping you, and great that you’re considering her well being as well as yourself & the DC. Enjoy your holiday.

Exactly! Your mum is a great person and loving helpful family but she isn’t your partner. You dont need to check in before making any decisions.

She might be pleased? Dubai has such an awful reputation for human rights and being full of 'new money'/chavs. I appreciate everyone has different views so you might love it but someone of your mum's age might be delighted not to have to go?

You don’t owe anyone a holiday neither should anyone expect a free holiday for helping out family. It’s nice that you’ve done it in the past but very reasonable and normal to want to holiday on your own with your kids and create memories as a family unit without your own mum.

Dubai has things to do inside and it Is blasted with A/C so she wouldn't be out/out in the heat I think you should give her the option or it will just imo look like you are no longer requiring her help and that might cause awkwardness if it is too pricey tell her that.

I’m not sure I agree - you don’t need your Mum’s permission to book a holiday.

For me, one of the upsides of being a single parent is that you don’t have to consult anyone else before booking things in. Although, saying that, now DD is 16 I do have to again 😄

I also think it’s quite reasonable to want to do things at the kids’ pace.

Definitely frame it as a very hot place the children want to go to so you want to know what she thinks of a long weekend etc somewhere more temperate.

Perhaps a day or two out would be nice doi g something she would like.
You are blessed to have her support.

I think you've made a perfectly reasonable thing awkward for yourself by not saying something earlier. As soon as you suspected your mum might think there would be plans that included her, you should have put her straight and said you were actually thinking of booking Dubai, then added the things you've said here on the thread. If your mum is a decent reasonable woman she won't have any issue at all at not going in a holiday at your expense that she wouldnt enjoy, but you do need to tell her quickly so she knows where she stands.

YANBU for wanting to go but YABU for not telling her before booking. Could you do a long weekend away with her at some point later in the year?

I think - regardless of all of your other specific reasons, which are good ones- it’s fine to have holidays with a family member for the first couple of years after divorce/ separation, but it doesn’t mean it’s tied in forever.

We did holidays with my Mum in the first few years after my divorce, and they were nice, but often didn’t quite work, with differing needs and preferences etc.

I think she also thought she was doing us a favour by coming rather than actually wanting to come, so your Mum might feel the same way!

Can you go on a long weekend somewhere altogether? Even if it’s a few months later? Then you could say you’ve booked Dubai and give your reasons, and also say what does she think about a long weekend away with you all?

Why don't you look at doing a wee caravan holiday or something in the UK- you can get some good deals

Is there a reason why you couldn’t bring yourself to tell her beforehand, OP? I mean, your reasons are all perfectly valid — you know it’s not somewhere she wants to go, you can’t afford to pay for her, the children do, and you want to ‘test’ yourself in terms of solo holidaying.

But presumably she’d have seen all that if you’d told her before you booked, and it would have seemed far less rejecting. I mean, if you’re worried about hurting her feelings, having an honest conversation about your plans before they were made would be far less likely to have caused any hurt.