To not want my parents to go in my bedroom (I'm 33 yrs old)

another choice is simply to ask her mother not to go into their room and her mother to just say “ok”? Really is quite simple to respect one anothers wishes, providing childcare or not….

I thought 😅 your not being silly OP, and these saying “well pay for childcare then!” How silly! You are perfectly entitled to ask your mother to keep out of your room, and she should be adult enough to respect that and just say “ok” :) it really should be that simple :) x

Your bedroom is suppose to be just that, yours. A safe private haven where you can have it as messy or tidy as you like, with private stuff, dirty clothes or whatever you want, where ever you want to leave it, be a drawer or floor, left alone. I would get a lock. I have one on my bedroom. It's nobody's business why you don't want people in it. It is your home. Your safe and private home. If she doesn't like it, that's on her.

Ah apologies I misunderstood

Your partner wouldn't like either my mother or MIL then. My mother irons my hubby's jocks and outs them away and my MIL puts stuff away in our room too. Life's to fecking short to be bothered by this sort of crap

I provide some childcare in DGC’s homes. This doesn’t entitle me to intrude on private spaces, which I think the master bedroom often is. As it happens, my DC doesn’t seem bothered about this, however, I only go in there if told that I should go in to get something specific. Being in someone else’s home does mean trying to be respectful, whatever the reason I am there for. This isn’t an opportunity to nose around! I think it would be helpful and not at all offensive to say that you prefer it if nobody goes into your bedroom unless it is essential.

I also would not do anything with their laundry unless that was previously agreed. Obviously, I tidy up toys, prepare food and wash up, wipe surfaces down etc. If your mother ignores your request then you have a decision to make about childcare and what is most important to you.

It’s perfectly possible to bond with a grandchild without being expected to provide free/ cheap childcare. The OP could invite her mum over when she’s there herself, or visit her parents with her child, or do days out together.

You're entitled to privacy in your own home, at any age. That's my whole point.

My husband is like you, really doesn't like people coming into our bedroom. If we are out and a babysitter is in the house he will lock the bedroom door.

I don't think you have to make a big deal, just get a lock on the door and leave it locked. Obviously make sure nothing she needs is in there.

Because surely in your 30’s you’re entitled to bedroom privacy in your own home! Her age is relevant here. It emphasises how ridiculous it is for her mother to go snooping and stomping all over her privacy.

What I would give to have any help never mind a mum who wanted to help.

So why the relevance of your age, if it's your own place?

This would bother me too, my bedroom is mine and my husband’s private space.

It may not be a choice between free childcare or not, the day a week is also allowing bonding with the grandchild. Just because you trust someone with your child doesn’t mean you want them in your bedroom, touching or passing judgement on your underwear.

In our house now my mother is disabled and unable to do her own washing or ironing, she’s so uncomfortable that my husband and I do this for her, but there is no other option.

It’s not unusual to not want the intrusion.

Yanbu! As she has a history of snooping personally I’d be getting a lock on that door asap. Either that or fill your bedside drawers with giant dildos.

It isn't her parents' home. It's OP's own home

Pay for childcare then!

it sounds like she has no regard for boundaries and privacy if she opened your post, snooped in your room etc so it’s odd that you have her looking after your child. Is it just because it’s cheaper than proper childcare?

Why don't they have them at their own house? I'd be really bored in someone else's house all day - probably why she's looking around for things to do like ironing.

Not really, it doesn't have to be so binary.

OP is perfectly entitled to have boundaries about her own home. Just because the GPs aren't being paid to look after their own grandchildren doesn't change that fact. Most people know that snooping around someone else's home is not really on.

Sadly when there are drip feeds it leaves posters open to giving replies they may not offer if they knew the whole story from the beginning. This in turn makes an OP feel the replies are unreasonable & designed to be bullying. In the vast majority of cases posters are expressing how they would feel after reading the first post on the thread. This thread is a perfect example.

Ridiculous.

OP specifically talks about her parents house as a separate entity to her own so I do think you are mistaken here.

I’m on the fence here OP as I don’t think you are being unreasonable to want to keep her out your room. I have a mum who can be nosy and can relate to the “why have you been in my room?” panic.

However, like you my mum does us a lot of childcare favours and sometimes she may need to go in our room. She’s actually slept in our bed a good few times when she’s been cat sitting for us. In fact a lot of family members have been in the bedroom for one reason or another and honestly could have snooped at anything. As much as I might want our bedroom to be a private, sacred place in theory it just isn’t possible in practice. Only you know whether she has legitimate reason to be in your room.

What are her boundaries like? Is her bedroom out of bounds or is it an open door? Not saying you have to reciprocate her open door policy if she has one but I do think it’s a bit different if you’re banned from her room but she has full access to yours? My mum doesn’t care if I go in her room (as long as it’s not in the run up to Christmas) and thinking about it I’ve been in MIL’s bedroom and all my grown siblings bedrooms as well. Not everyone considers them private spaces.

For me I’d ask what harm she’s actually doing putting some ironing in your room and if the privacy aspect is worth making a fuss given she’s providing childcare in your home. If the privacy is a real issue for you both though maybe she does the childcare at hers.

You know she doesn't live with her parents?