To not want my parents to go in my bedroom (I'm 33 yrs old)

I was staying at dd1's last week babysitting and she had their bedroom door open and had left the bedroom light on. I thought about not turning the light off as I had to go slightly into their room but as neither was going to be back for another 10 hours I did. I did feel a bit like a trespasser! I also turned off the lights i the upstairs bathroom and closed all the kitchen cupboard doors. Some thing never change!

Personally wouldn't be bothered if either my DM or DMIL went into our bedroom. I've been in both of their bedrooms, even slept in their beds. If it really bothers you or you think something sinister is going on - put a lock on the door!

My parents look after my children one day at week at our house. When she gets time; she sorts all the washing; irons it and puts it all away and I’m so grateful. I work full time and have three children. Every little bit helps! If you don’t want her in there, just say. Although seems overly precious to me unless you’ve got a draw full of sex toys lol

She has no reason to enter your bedroom in YOUR home id be inclined to invest in some bondage gear and a massive dragon vibrator then leave it on the bed just to make her uncomfortable 🤣 I leave my bedroom door open and have never really worried about anyone going in but just because that's how I feel doesn't mean everyone's the same

Err, I am answering posts directed at me. Read the context.

My parents are odd, I'll give you that. But they're not horrible people. They're definitely not dangerous people.

OP your benchmark for you has sole care for your child really should be higher than “they’re not dangerous” and “they’re not horrible”

In any event, I find they’re response of laughing and ignoring their teen son’s plea for privacy as most definitely horrible

The real thread in all this is the totally messed up parents invading their teens privacy in the bathroom, calling their teens to bring them stuff whilst they are wallowing naked in the bath and then laughing and totally ignoring their son’s request for privacy.

I suspect it will be the tip of the iceberg of some pretty disturbing other issues

You seem to be irrationally upset at the fact OP added some more context to her OP. It's really not that big of a deal but you can't seem to let it go.

You're not being unreasonable. Your parents doing you a favor one day a week doesn't entitle them to go into your personal space in your own home. I saw your responses that they didn't give you privacy under their roof even as an adult so that's going to ring alarm bells when you see they've gone into your bedroom under your own roof. Honestly I'd put a lock on there to stop them being able to go in. If they actually are snooping theyll probably have the nerve to question why your bedroom is suddenly locked up

When I went into hospital after DS1 was born (he was born in the ambulance), my aunts took it upon themselves to get keys from my landlord and clean my flat. That would have been fine (apart from the landlord giving them the keys), but somehow they found my stash of vibrators and threw them all out. I was 40, it was none of their business whether I had vibrators or not.

Assuming that your parents haven't done anything similar, I don't see a problem.

This is about OPs partner, I would absolutely hate my MIL in my bedroom. Of course he is uncomfortable. Even if OP was OK with it, he is still entitled to ask for privacy. Half the people on MN have permanently fallen out with MIL for less from what I can see. I think YANBU and it's ok to tell DM that you and partner want to keep it private. Close the door. Maybe lock it if you feel necessary. Dm should understand, if she doesn't then you have bigger issues with her.

If your that worried about privacy why are they in your house doing the babysitting? Why not take the child to their house?

I don't think YABU at all. People on here love to say that because someone gets free childcare the carer can do anything they like in their home! Of course that's not the case. After hearing your back story I'd say it was deliberate & your mum was snooping

OP is entitled now? Fucking ridiculous

This is an interesting way to think about it

OP, it sounds like your mother didn't respect your privacy as a child/teen/or young adult, and now that you are full-blown married adult and mother, she still doesn't. She has a history of snooping, opening your mail, combing through your childhood bedroom, and her behaviour hasn't changed now that you have a home of your own. She doesn't see you as an adult but rather as a possession, and she feels entitled to do as she pleases, in your home, with no regard to you or your husband. This isn't just your bedroom now, it's also your husband's, and I can imagine you'd be pretty upset if your MIL was repeatedly letting herself into your closed-door bedroom when you weren't home.

Your parents clearly need very firm boundaries and based on everything you have written, it seems like they won't be very willing to respect them. Until they are willing to see you as an adult and respect boundaries, then I would limit their time alone in your home.

I grew up with parents similar to what you are describing, however, I have long since stopped making excuses for their behaviour. Your parents are grown adults, regardless of their childhood circumstances.

Your post now makes sense. I would make sure that anything I didn't her to see was locked away.

You are either going to have to put a lock on your bedroom door or make alternative childcare arrangements. Can your DC not go to their house rather than them babysitting at yours?

Nope, just one of the early readers before the massive drip feed(s).

My mum used to walk into the bathroom when I was on the loo. The shut door should have been a sign.
OP it’s not just your room is it? It’s also your DH’s
Has he said anything?
I'd be inclined to leave out some handcuffs (other toys are available) or similar.
Plus ‘keep out’ notes in the drawers.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. You don’t have to be hiding something or think they’re awful people to want some boundaries/privacy. You decide what you’re ok with in your own home, there’s nothing wrong with that. If it makes you, or your partner, uncomfortable you are allowed to speak up. Just because a family member is doing something nice doesn’t mean you have to like everything they do. I would just say something casually to her and it shouldn’t be a big deal, I wouldn’t think twice if I was looking after family/friends kids and they told me the bedroom was off limits.

Hi OP’s mum!

I wouldn't like it especially as the OP has grown up with a mother who snoops. It was an extremely rare occurence for my MIL to babysit and then it was for very short length of times.

She once sat with my boys for about an hour while I attended an appointment, she had been snooping in my bedroom because she saw a bill and next time she saw DH she mentioned the bill, the only way she'd have known about the bill was from snooping.

She didn't even have the excuse of doing housework or laundry not that I'd have wanted her to.

Sorry OP, just read all your updates which puts things in a very different light. Guess I just related your experience to how things were when my lovely mum used to help me out when my child was little. She did my ironing for me but we had no back story of lack of privacy and no boundaries. So once again I apologise for jumping in without reading all your posts

If you are really bothered, then just thank her ask her not to check the rooms and do your ironing. In future. She's your mother, you should be able to phrase the request in a way not to cause offence.
Personally, I'd not have a problem, especially if I'd be getting free child care. But it's your home and of you aren't comfortable, then you need to have that conversation.