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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not want my parents to go in my bedroom (I'm 33 yrs old)

414 replies

Gummybearmum · 05/06/2025 08:15

My parents have started looking after my 1 year old son one day a week so I can work. Both times they've been into mine and my partners bedroom. First time they said my baby crawled into there, so they went to get him out. Second time there was a little pile of clean laundry on our bed, when I came home mum had ironed it. I thanked her, as I know she's only trying to help, but she shouldn't have even known it was there. My partner really doesn't like it, he says it's our personal space. I agree but have no idea how to say to them..

OP posts:
Manthide · 06/06/2025 21:08

The week after next I'll be looking after my gs for a couple of days at dd2's house whilst his parents are out of the country (different countries) for work. I will be using the bath in their ensuite as the other bath is not full size and I don't like showers. I have done so before but after reading this thread I will ask dd2 if it's okay.

readingmakesmehappy · 06/06/2025 20:41

I absolutely do not want my DPs or my PILs going into my room. They have no reason to, it’s on a different floor, and it’s my private space.

SaveAndEarnMoreMoney · 06/06/2025 20:38

Just tell your Mum you’d rather they don’t go in your bedroom. I’m sure they’ll respect your wishes.
personally, I don’t care if my parents go in our bedroom (I’m 48) as long as they don’t look in drawers/wardrobes etc.

Empink · 06/06/2025 20:37

Don't knock a gift horse! Nice clean pile of washing, kid taken care of. All good to me 🤷‍♀️

BananaSpanner · 06/06/2025 20:15

Surprised at all the answers here. It’s snooping. It shouldn’t be a hazard of free childcare. Just ask them not to go in. Say it’s not always tidy or some other peace making excuse.

NotThisShitAgain121 · 06/06/2025 20:08

Maybe leave a dildo on the bed - she would soon stop!

NotThisShitAgain121 · 06/06/2025 20:07

Time to put a lock on the door and set some firm boundaries.

pineapplesundae · 06/06/2025 20:01

If mom's a snoop, you have to lock the door or pay for childcare.

Kirstk · 06/06/2025 19:58

whitewineandsun · 05/06/2025 08:33

Yeah. But then they should pay for childcare.

Show quote history

Or her parents should respect her personal private space.

OneBlossomBee · 06/06/2025 19:57

YANBU. It is your and your DP's house and, unless an emergency like a leak, then they should not go in there. Your mother had no right to open post addressed to you and it is infact against the law to open post not belonging to you. I'd put a padlock on and that would send a clear message. I used to help pick up my niece's from school and never went in my sister's room. Your mother has a real problem snooping. I stayed at a relative's house for a few months and she had a padlock on her bedroom door which she used when going out or away for a weekend. A bedroom is a personsl space and dhould be respected. It was plain weird her barging in the bathroom too when you were in the bath as adults.

HevenlyMeS · 06/06/2025 19:56

Yes this is so lovely to hear
God Bless You For Being So Respectful To Your Darling Son
Brilliant Way To Be
💚🌼💚

Kirstk · 06/06/2025 19:52

I dont even go into my 16 year old sons room! I respect his privacy and personal space.

allmymonkeys · 06/06/2025 19:34

So your parents are coming to your house for that one day a week?

It's not unreasonable to prefer that they don't, or your mother doesn't, go into your bedroom unless there's an incredibly good reason; but my guess is that on the magic ironing occasion she was looking to make herself useful, and she did.

Rather than get frazzled about it, tell her in a straightforward way that you'd rather she didn't go into your and your partner's room, or let Small go in there, and you'd like the door kept shut. But if a free ironing service thrown in with the childcare is on offer, I'd grab it with both hands and be suitably grateful x

HevenlyMeS · 06/06/2025 19:27

Yes Most Surely Completely Concur She's Not Being Unreasonable Whatsoever 💚🥰🌼God Bless You&Yours

HevenlyMeS · 06/06/2025 19:25

Yes I see nothing wrong in just this lovely Mum wishing to set some boundaries re not entering her & her husband's bedroom
It's a private space, though equally her Own Mum does seem so lovely doing the ironing & rest assured if she were snooping she wouldn't have openly made the obvious grand gracious gesture of ironing - Equally there's nothing wrong with trusting her very own Mum with her child but at the same time, drawing a loving boundary around their private bedroom space 💚

Annierob · 06/06/2025 18:52

Mmm my three sons all married. I wouldn’t dream of going in to their bedroom.

independentfriend · 06/06/2025 18:35

There's a very old thread somewhere where snooping in-laws were set up to believe a couple were moving to Australia. You could do similar - leave some made up documents in drawers to see if they provoke questions.

Alternatively, leave a sex toy / condoms / lube on a bedside table (I assume your child is too young to identify them if they were to see them) and close the door. There's then a visual that explains why the door was closed and that this is a private space for you and your partner.

And no, not unreasonable to keep them out of your bedroom whilst they're doing childcare unless that's where you keep your child's nappies / clothes / toys etc.

Middleagedspreadisreal · 06/06/2025 18:31

Private space? Good grief

blowingbubbles1 · 06/06/2025 18:29

What are you hiding in your bedroom?

Mellowbear · 06/06/2025 18:22

Pay a childminder problem solved.

Original poster
Gummybearmum · 06/06/2025 18:18

@WordsFailMeYetAgain glad to hear it! I have no problem with people thinking I am being unreasonable, it's why I came here to ask 😆 it's that people are so mean unnecessarily 😅

OP posts:
WordsFailMeYetAgain · 06/06/2025 17:48

Gummybearmum · 06/06/2025 17:40

@WordsFailMeYetAgain thank you, I've not posted on here many times before. Have definitely learnt my lesson 😅

I posted something once a while back and got absolutely roasted. Loads of LTB etc. Got so upset had to get the post taken down. Took no bloody notice of the nasty LTB's and still with my lovely DH, years later.

Original poster
Gummybearmum · 06/06/2025 17:40

@WordsFailMeYetAgain thank you, I've not posted on here many times before. Have definitely learnt my lesson 😅

OP posts:
BingoWingoForties · 06/06/2025 14:49

You are being totally reasonable and I’m sure your husband wants his privacy too. I used to hate it when my in laws would let themselves into our house with the emergency key. We had to change the locks 😂

pinkyredrose · 06/06/2025 13:49

Ohthedaffodils · 05/06/2025 11:34

I’m a gm who provides 2 days and an overnight childcare each week. We (my dh is a very active gd) nearly always do it from our home but have occasionally done the childcare at my dds house.
No way would I ever enter her bedroom - it’s an invasion of privacy in my eyes. It’s her and her dhs personal, private space.

I admit I’ve done her ironing a few times but I’ve asked her first and her ironing pile is always in the utility room.
Life is hard for working mums with babies/toddlers.

And for working dad's too!