To not want my parents to go in my bedroom (I'm 33 yrs old)

It depends on whether she ironed creases down your jeans or not.

YANBU and I have no clue why people think you are. Your bedroom is a personal space, unconnected to their childminding duties. Those folk saying "if you dont like it, pay for a babysitter" - what a lot of rubbish. Why would anyone ever assume that looking after a child in the house gives you the run of the place. It's not like you've asked her to be your cleaner, so since when does looking after a child entitle you to poke around in private areas of a home. A bedroom is a private personal space. She should stick to areas that are connected to the child and not you. This thread has actually made me really angry.

Blimey, if my in-laws babysat my child at my house, tidied up and did my ironing, they’d be quite welcome to sniff every pair of knickers I own and rifle my bedside drawer to their heart’s content!

I would find it difficult if someone went in my and DP bedroom. Same reasons as OP, invaded in teens and as child. Mum went through drawers, post etc. An assertive calm conversation needed.

You have a right to privacy. From the sounds of it she might be slightly snooping while helping. Id suggest setting a trap, either air horn when the door opens, or sex toys, pregnancy tests all over the bed.

otherwise it is free childcare and cleaning service, my MIL does this, typically everything she says i agree with and value her opinion but the odd thing she is WRONG, but i bite my tongue for free childcare and happy wife

Leave something that they might find uncomfortable on top of your bed. They’ll might think twice before going in again

Jesus, store your dildos, porn and chains away and you'll be fine, I don't think their going to be looking through your nicker draw or sniffing your fellas boxers, do you?

Anyone I trust enough to look after my child is welcome to go into whichever room in my house they wish. I think it’s really out of order to be put out by what has happened. And quite unkind and ungrateful to say anything about it.

I’d go into mine only if they were in there, or if I’d been given permission. DM has gone into mine before and there were some very private things on the side, as has DF and taken the piss out of my underwear.

But what are they going in and out for?

I would just politely tell them you don't want them to come in your bedroom. Simple as that. And you don't have to explain, just say you don't like them to enter your personal space.

That said, if and when I'm at my children's places (a son and a daughter, both with partner and children), and if I happen do to some ironing and folding etc., I walk upstairs and put it right at the entrance of their room or on the top stair. Both have their bedroom in a loft-extension. No snooping, no opening of drawers, just putting down the laundry. They have never told me not too, but they know me well enough to know I would always ask first if I needed to enter their room. They both have young children and yes I do enter their rooms to put away laundry etc. Since I often bathe them and do bedtime it would be unlogical to not enter their rooms to clear away laundry 😊

You are not being unreasonable, but clearly your Mum feels going in and having a root around is acceptable- mine is the same , but you wouldn't know she'd been there. he ironing is the giveaway really, she knows she shouldn't be in there, but wants to be so she did something "nice" to offset it.
I'm sorry to say you have to meet this head on, and tell her not to go in there, that it is your private space and you are not comfortable with her making herself at home in there.
It's good of your parents to look after your 1yo for one day a week but that doesn't give the the rights they had as parents when you lived at home, since you were allowed no privacy as a teenager makes it especially important you meet this head on. I would feel it was a deal breaker and get a childminder instead if necessary-it will destroy your relationship with your DH if you don't deal with this.

Would you be grateful for parents who didn't allow a lock on the bathroom door in their family home who would come into the bathroom while their adult children were in the bath and refused to stop even when asked?

OP has provided a lot more context which you haven't bothered to read. Her parents have absolutely no boundaries and have never respected their children's privacy. OP and her siblings couldn't enforce any respect for their privacy in their parents' home, but OP should be allowed to ask for her parents to respect her privacy in her own home. Unfortunately, OP has said that her mum would just cry if she raised it.

Your gaff your rules. YANBU overall.

But you haven't had a word with DM. How is she to know? YABU until then. You might end up agreeing. Help with ironing?

No, she wouldn't. OP has described her childhood with parents with no boundaries who would come into the bathroom when their adult children were in the bath, and refused to stop, despite being asked. They allowed their children no privacy at all so I doubt she would be fazed by a dildo.

Ummm that's kind of part of a parent's job, doing their kids' laundry! It sounds like what is coming naturally to OP's mum is snooping!

Put a camera up in the bedroom then you'll see for yourself what she's upto & then put a lock on the door if she makes a habit of it.

Obviously she's known for snooping but I wouldn't want her in my house.

Indeed, how lovely 😍

Oh my word, they're your parents and you've been into everything at theirs while growing up!

How nice and helpful they've done your laundry, which they did for years for you.

Personally I would so so grateful for having them for childcare and to actually see that need doing to help you, wow!

Please be grateful or stipulate boundaries, because they really don't to want to be intrusive, just doing what comes naturally to them.

Btw I would have loved my parents to have been able to this.

You said one day a week, if to assume you work one day a week, be thankful but if you work more days then nursery can't infringe on your home so, again, count your blessings.

put a lock on the door and then you don’t have to worry. We have a lock on our bedroom door and I wouldn’t be without one now.

My mum never came into the bathroom but did other similar things to yours when I was growing up. I think that’s why it makes you so uncomfortable, because it is continuing to not respect your boundaries. My MiL used to
do this while looking after my child and one day I came back early and found her alone there poking around. I didn’t accept if and I think you gave to say politely but firmly that you prefer it if she doesn’t go into the bedroom.
And just because you get childcare one day a week it doesn’t mean you can’t draw boundaries.

I think then you understand what's triggered you, but Yabu for expecting your parents to suddenly learn about privacy in their old age when they didn't know before.

Boundaries - either verbal or physical (lock) but you need to deliver them very politely or they might quit their unpaid labour

Or simply put a lock on their bedroom door?

We’re all entitled to personal privacy. Putting a lock on the door as a first option may cause ill-will between you and your parents and jeopardise your child minding arrangements. You really have to bite down on this and speak to one (or both) of them. Your home, your boundaries/rules apply. Difficult, I know. Just be brave and do it. Good luck.

This you are bu.