To not want my parents to go in my bedroom (I'm 33 yrs old)

Oh it gets much worse than that

Nice drip feed there OP.

@Ninkynonkpinkyponks don’t you have knickers on the floor, vibrators on the bed, old used condoms chucked by the bin, mental health medication on the bedside table, emigration plans for Australia and love letters from previous lovers stuffed in a drawer, sexting messages pinging up on your iPad by the bed, sexy negligee draped on a chair etc? 😉

What have you been doing with your life if you haven’t been enjoying some fun that you don’t want your mum to see?!

OP, I think your mum's lack of boundaries when you were younger were awful.

You must be stuck to be using her because I wouldn't want her near my home.

Its a tricky one.
Very controlling that you can't say anything about HER behaviour because SHE might get upset.

Way to control things.
Really unhealthy.

I don’t think YABU. Her providing childcare doesn’t mean she has an excuse to riffle through your house.

No need to be in your bedroom if the door is shut imo. I would be very unhappy if my Mum did that, but I also know she wouldn’t because she’s aware of a thing called privacy.

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. I'm probably your mother's age and there is no way I would go into my DD and DSILs bedroom (or anyone else's) unless there was a specific reason.
It's basic manners and basic respect of boundaries.
Just ask her not to go in there, alternatively you could buy a huge vibrator and leave it on the bed.

This kind of thing is designed to put a wedge between the OP and her parents. Esp this: ‘was very kind of you to do the ironing, but I would rather you focused on my DC’.

It will piss them off and sounds like a lecture. It’s up to the OP whether or not she thinks it’s worth risking it.

Family therapy time! Or at least a sit down and chat with your mum about your strange childhood that you don’t want to replicate. Worth doing now before DC gets older. You don’t want grandma and grandad walking in at bath time when they are hitting puberty and so on. So odd, but like you say she had an odd/difficult upbringing - what was dad’s excuse for entering your private spaces (in the bath?!) Did they ban you from using locks on bathrooms?

Well, if she wouldn't want to see them then leave them out on display, like nosy mum repellent.

I wouldn't want anyone in my room either, especially if they've got a history of snooping. A lock would do the trick.

U.n.g.r.a.t.e.f.u.l

Notes in your drawers saying stay out. She will be looking. You know it.

Time to be direct. Mum, appreciate you doing the ironing, but I really need you to stay out of our room so I will leave it downstairs for you.
(Even if you don't really want her doing it, it removes the excuse from her).

Blame your partner if you have to. Say that he feels uncomfortable with his MIL in his space, which he does.

Have you heard of this thing called privacy?

What do you you keep in this secret room?

Ours has a bed and some clothes!

I was going to say leave your ironing basket downstairs but pp beat me to it.

i don’t think you’re unreasonable, even before the update. If you don’t want someone in your bedroom that is a totally reasonable boundary. First you have to verbalise it, then put a lock on the door.

I’m sorry you had to endure this x

Well, you can ask them not to go in your bedroom but given your updates, is it likely that they will just ignore you and go in there anyway?

The point is that it's a favour, not a professional service and that it's provided within the usual reciprocity of a family. You can sit down and 'redraw the boundaries' and potentially lose all the goodwill in the arrangement. It seems a big price to pay for putting away any personal items and making your bed.

This kind of attitude smacks of a person with no sense of privacy and boundaries. Family doesn’t give you the right to not listen to each other’s preferences. OP, just because you’re happy to accept one thing from someone it doesn’t give them the right to do everything on their terms.

You’re allowed to say yes to childcare and no to having your personal space invaded. If your mum can’t understand that, she’s not the right person to be providing childcare.

All you need to say is, ‘Mum, can you please not go in my room, I’m not comfortable with that and need you to respect mine and DH’s personal space. It’s really kind of you to think of the ironing but I don’t need that done and it’s more important to me that you respect our privacy.’

Don’t open it up for discussion or accept any whining from her - just repeat, repeat, repeat.

Your priority now is keeping yourself well as you’re a parent (which I’m sure you already know!) be the circuit breaker 💪🏽 model healthy boundaries to your kids, believe in your self worth and your right to privacy and respect.
no one will be benefit, including your mum, from you not voicing your needs, it will become a fraudulent relationship, trust me, I’m still unpicking it 😕

Or she’d do the same as when your teen brother asked for privacy on the bathroom…. Laugh and totally ignore your request

I would hate that. Can you put a lock on the door and say it's to keep your little one out?

It sounds like your boundaries are way, way off. It really is not normal for parents to barge in on their teen/adult daughters in the bathroom. It isn’t normal for parents to search every inch of their teen/ adult daughter’s bedroom.

Obviously your mum shouldn’t be rooting around in your bedroom, but the bigger question is whether she is safe to look after your child .