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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not want my parents to go in my bedroom (I'm 33 yrs old)

414 replies

Gummybearmum · 05/06/2025 08:15

My parents have started looking after my 1 year old son one day a week so I can work. Both times they've been into mine and my partners bedroom. First time they said my baby crawled into there, so they went to get him out. Second time there was a little pile of clean laundry on our bed, when I came home mum had ironed it. I thanked her, as I know she's only trying to help, but she shouldn't have even known it was there. My partner really doesn't like it, he says it's our personal space. I agree but have no idea how to say to them..

OP posts:
Autumn38 · 05/06/2025 09:25

Yeah I don’t think it’s ok to go into someone’s bedroom if the door is closed. It s really obvious that it’s out of bounds then.

and your partner has a right to his privacy from his in-laws.

id ask them not to, but from your update it sounds like they might ignore you. You could put a lock on the door?

Mumof2amazingasdkiddos · 05/06/2025 09:24

It always amazes me on posts like this when people scream ungrateful at anything the OP asked if they should put up with any old behaviour simply because they are getting free childcare! @Gummybearmum it's not unreasonable to put a boundary in place that your bedroom is off limits and your private space. Obviously if they need to go in there to get something that directly relates to them caring for your DC that's fair enough otherwise there's no need to go in there and you can say that kindly and firmly without a trace of guilt

Original poster
Gummybearmum · 05/06/2025 09:24

@MayaPinion love this post 😆😆

OP posts:
Coffeeishot · 05/06/2025 09:23

PurpleRivers · 05/06/2025 09:20

They're not in the bedroom at the time, unless they're leaving sex toys laying around then what is there to keep private?

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Because it is the op and her husbands bedroom they are entitled to have a space that is just theirs and not to have other people/her parents traipsing about in it, understanding boundaries do humans well in life.

Dangermoo · 05/06/2025 09:23

Gummybearmum · 05/06/2025 09:20

@Clickjaw I've spent enough time discussing with a therapist, I don't need to keep going over the same things.
My parents are odd, I'll give you that. But they're not horrible people. They're definitely not dangerous people. There was never anything sexual going on, as people said over and over when I posted before. There was just no privacy. They didn't enter to look at us in the bath, they didn't look at us, they would have come in to say something which could have been said through the door. I was purely trying to gauge what is normal so I know for my own children.

Well now you feel uncomfortable with the situation, perhaps make alternative child care arrangements.

faerietales · 05/06/2025 09:23

PurpleRivers · 05/06/2025 09:20

They're not in the bedroom at the time, unless they're leaving sex toys laying around then what is there to keep private?

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What’s so wrong about wanting your own private space as a grown adult/couple?

Original poster
Gummybearmum · 05/06/2025 09:22

@LittleMonks11 he was one of 5 children who all shared one bedroom, he literally didn't know what privacy was 😅

OP posts:
PurpleRivers · 05/06/2025 09:20

pinkyredrose · 05/06/2025 09:02

Have you heard of this thing called privacy?

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They're not in the bedroom at the time, unless they're leaving sex toys laying around then what is there to keep private?

SafeToUse · 05/06/2025 09:20

Clickjaw · 05/06/2025 08:46

With respect, your dad was strolling in to the bathroom whilst his 20 year old daughter was starkers in the bath

Your benchmark for what is normal is probably a bit fucked op

I wouldn’t have your parents in sole care of my baby. Not a bloody chance

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Oh OP I completely get how you're feeling. I knew from your first post that there was a back story. How did I know? Because I was you, as a child. My mother in particular had no boundaries when it came to me. Always poking around in my room. I hated it.

As this OP said, your benchmark for what is normal is probably a bit fucked.

I know your DM had a disfunctional childhood but her crying and saying what a terrible mother she is is manipulative, it's designed to stop you in your tracks, and it works.

I actually wouldn't let your parents babysit, they will gradually make your child feel exactly how you felt when you were a kid. Do you want this for your DC?

Instead of a lock on your door, tell your parents the truth, that they don't respect your boundaries and therefore you will be putting your child in childcare from now on. When they protest just tell them that you love them but you and your DP don't appreciate them going into your room, it's not right and it's not normal. Yes they'll cry, but you need to stay firm.

Remember, you are an adult now, how you and your DP feel is perfectly valid. This your home, your rules. Stay strong OP.

Original poster
Gummybearmum · 05/06/2025 09:20

@Clickjaw I've spent enough time discussing with a therapist, I don't need to keep going over the same things.
My parents are odd, I'll give you that. But they're not horrible people. They're definitely not dangerous people. There was never anything sexual going on, as people said over and over when I posted before. There was just no privacy. They didn't enter to look at us in the bath, they didn't look at us, they would have come in to say something which could have been said through the door. I was purely trying to gauge what is normal so I know for my own children.

OP posts:
LozzaCh0ps · 05/06/2025 09:20

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all, I’d hate this. If she’s the sort to ignore you asking her not to, you might have to get a lock! Mine was (still is) a snooper and this sort of thing really really puts my hackles up.

Smelltherain · 05/06/2025 09:19

I don't think you are being unreasonable, that is yours and your partners private space and she shouldn't be in there , even if she did see a pile of clothes, you are a grown woman. I'd just put a lock , or kindly say to keep out, your partner isn't happy , it's perfectly reasonable to put boundaries down in your own home

LittleMonks11 · 05/06/2025 09:17

Dangermoo · 05/06/2025 09:15

Yes and relevance of being 33 years old in thread title? Click bait.

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That’s presumably context around being more than old enough not to have mum coming into bedroom.

Dangermoo · 05/06/2025 09:17

Gummybearmum · 05/06/2025 09:15

@Dangermoo I can't write my whole family past down in one post, it would be the length of a novel and no one would read it

So you write your predicament and include a brief summary of why you're pissed off. 🤔

Sparrow7 · 05/06/2025 09:16

This would upset me too op. Some people don't seem to care about privacy around bedrooms but if it matters to you, then it matters. Personally I would get a lock.

MayaPinion · 05/06/2025 09:16

I’d be tempted to mess with her head:

  • Lots of dildos lined up on the dressing table
  • A ‘secret’ diary full of erotic fan fiction about you, Ant and Dec
  • A ‘letter’ telling you the results of DNA tests that reveal your dad is not your dad
  • An mysterious urn filled with ashes and a note that says ‘I will always love you’
  • ENORMOUS, and I mean ENORMOUS pants
  • A penis enlarger
  • A book about staying safe while swinging
  • A partially completed application form for your DH to join Magic Mike with some accompanying photos of him in saucy undergarments.

You could really have a lot of fun with it.

Coffeeishot · 05/06/2025 09:16

Dangermoo · 05/06/2025 09:12

No, it's a drip feed, as are her later posts.

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It isn't drip feeding the op just elaborated again why are you so arsey about it?

Dangermoo · 05/06/2025 09:15

Clickjaw · 05/06/2025 09:11

Oh it gets much worse than that

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Yes and relevance of being 33 years old in thread title? Click bait.

Original poster
Gummybearmum · 05/06/2025 09:15

@Dangermoo I can't write my whole family past down in one post, it would be the length of a novel and no one would read it

OP posts:
Coffeeishot · 05/06/2025 09:15

Clickjaw · 05/06/2025 09:11

Oh it gets much worse than that

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I don't know why you are being so arsey about it?

healthybychristmas · 05/06/2025 09:14

PurpleRivers · 05/06/2025 08:18

I don't see the issue really. Any visitors can go in our bedroom, it's not like they're sleeping in the bed.

You really can't understand why someone wants some private space?

faerietales · 05/06/2025 09:13

YANBU at all and I’m really surprised by some of the answers. Just because you’re her daughter doesn’t mean you’re no longer entitled to privacy or to enforce boundaries.

Dangermoo · 05/06/2025 09:12

StScholastica · 05/06/2025 09:11

Rubbish, she's just providing more context.

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No, it's a drip feed, as are her later posts.

bananamilkshake123 · 05/06/2025 09:11

I understand your feelings, your parents have never respected your privacy and never will. You know this about them so the only choice is to pay for professional childcare and take their spare key off them if they can't be trusted. Harsh but true and I speak from experience.

StScholastica · 05/06/2025 09:11

Dangermoo · 05/06/2025 09:10

Nice drip feed there OP.

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Rubbish, she's just providing more context.