To not want my parents to go in my bedroom (I'm 33 yrs old)

I think your mum may be like my mum and when she comes to visit she likes to potter. It sounds like she has been this way your whole life so isnt going to change so either you and your partner accept it or don't have her provide free childcare. Saying something is very unlikely going to change her behaviour if you have been ignored for so long and if you can't control someone's behaviour you change how to react to it ie. put up or pay for childcare. Good luck!

If you put that in your op people who have voted differently

I don’t think you are being unreasonable at all. My bedroom is definitely off limits to anyone except my husband and kids.

Now in your case, I can see the relevance of stating your age as you were living with your mum. I don't see how being 33 is relevant to the OP's case when it's her own home. Thread title is deliberately goady.

This reflects my childhood and I think you're completely justified. Get a lock for your door, don't say anything.

You and your partner should pay for child care then. She can take care of your child but can’t step into your room? It’s not like she sleeps on your bed or is snooping around. She is even nice to have ironed your laundry while tending to a crawling child. Be grateful. Especially your partner or he can get off work and take care of his child.

Many years ago we had our mail redirected to our in-laws as a temporary measure as we were moving house. MIL used to think it was perfectly acceptable to open our bank statements and pass comment on what we were spending our earnings on. She'd tell all of the family too who used to think it was Ok to criticise if they thought I'd been to M&S and not Aldi.

Install a lock on the door, don’t give them a key. Of course it isn’t unreasonable to expect privacy in your home as a grown adult. No guest gets a snooping pass.

There's no need for them to go into your bedroom. It's not like you're banning them from the kitchen or bathroom.

Interesting to know from pp's that when someone's doing you a favour, they then get the run of your house 🤣

Totally get the feeling of invasion. When my mum and dad used to come over to mine to watch my son while I worked I did find it a bit of a weird feeling when she’d do loads of cleaning while he napped (my first thought was ‘surely it’s not filthy enough in here that you deem it necessary to scrub everything?!’) but I quickly realised I was being touchy and she just wanted to help. I’d try to see it from that angle. My mum used to go through stuff in my room too, so I get why it feels a bit invasive! I’d try to assume the best of her and that she just wants to take some work off you for when you’re home x

If it’s any consolation I wouldn’t like it. I’m in my early 50s. My kids and I lived with my mum & nanna for a few weeks (15yrs ago) and my nanna used to empty our washing basket and do all our washing. She was being kind but I felt it was an invasion of privacy. I didn’t say anything as she was helping.

My parents are very similar to this.

My dad grew up with lots of siblings and then went to boarding school, he just doesn't get privacy.

My mum just loves to snoop and considers nothing private - she used to go through my bin.

You're not unreasonable to feel like it's an invasion of privacy but they won't listen to you.

After a few rounds of this, I no longer allow my mum to be in the house without us and when she is here, I go upstairs with her to stop her from going into our room. I have also considered a lock.

So you trust them with your son, your most precious possession but not to enter your bedroom and leave a pile of freshly ironed laundry? Unless you have a chest of kinky sex gear or a drawer full of cocaine that you’d rather they didn’t find then I think you are pretty nuts and very ungrateful for the free childcare (a lock on the kink chest would resolve this though).

I agree with the lock suggestions 'now that DS is so mobile'. And no, she doesn't need a key for it 'why?' with a very puzzled frown.

My DM was a snooper. Always couched in helpful, 'I'm doing this for your benefit' terms.

DH built a secret lock onto our private bedside cupboard. You had to know it was there and also what the key was (a small piece of dowling easily missed in a drawer). I would imagine DM consumed by curiosity by it.

I voted unreasonable as I can’t work out why you would set this up to begin with. You know what she’s like and you don’t trust her, so not sure why you’d have her in your home alone. There’s nothing you can do to change her and whatever she says she won’t do anyway as she clearly has no respect for your privacy anyway. I’d either make peace with it or find another childcare solution.

I wouldn’t stand for that either. Easiest thing is to get a lock on your door.

My ex-MIL once went into our bedroom and stripped the bed, inc mattress cover. She was of course ‘doing us a favour’ but a marital bed is a little personal… luckily my toys had been tidied away 😳

OP I think in your case there’s nothing too intrusive - a glance from the bedroom door will show there’s a pile of washing and if she’s bored, helping you out with a little ironing would seem (to her) perfectly reasonable. It might be a very small price to pay for free, trusted childcare.

Can you say you are baby proofing the house so as pp suggested put locks on the doors you don't want your LO going into, then you won't offend her.

I'm nearly 60 and mine has medical and financial stuff. Sex toys and the very needed lube. I remember my son in law, legitimately (for keys they'd forgot to hand over when going on holiday) going into his parents bedroom and he's never quite got over finding his elderly parents sex stuff. As often written about, people store their wills and wishes there, so they can be found in the event of an accident.
You give people privacy. I'm about to tidy/clean and do a days ironing for my DD, who is on holiday. I'll have to go into her bedroom (she knows), but even though I'm her 24/7 childcare (and part housekeeper), I wouldn't without exemptionally good reason. I make a point of saying to my granddaughters, that I can't go searching for things, they'll have to wait, so they learn good boundaries and respect for other adults privacy.
@Gummybearmum put a lock on the door. Unfortunately she won't change. I get that the control might be anxiety induced.

So put a lock on your bedroom door and tell them they don't need to do your ironing. Problem solved. As for privacy boundaries to pass on to your children, use your experience to decide that one, accordingly.

They used to ask you as a teenager to come in and bring them stuff whilst they lay starkers in the bath Op… of course they don’t mind you wandering in to any room

So you are saying that OP is lying about her childhood because the thread wasn't going OP's way?

It was obvious that there were other issues not included in the OP, otherwise a normal mum with normal boundaries doing some of her daughter's ironing wouldn't really be an issue. It's the continuation of OP not being allowed any privacy or any boundaries, even though she is now an adult not living at home that has led to OP posting on here for advice.

YANBU. I can only imagine that people who don’t understand were afforded some privacy as teens. I honestly wouldn’t tolerate it, it’s why my mother doesn’t have a door key to my house anymore. Looking after your child doesn’t give them the right to poke around your home and go into spaces that you’ve said are private. I think it would be fine to say “mum, I found a pile of ironed washing on my bed. I know I said before, but I’ll ask again- please don’t go into my bedroom, for any reason. Thank you”. Don’t thank her for the ironing as it will encourage her.

‘Sorry, Mum, but could you please not go into our bedroom - dh is uncomfortable with it and feels that that it should be our private space.’

You could perhaps add that he grew up with rather more ‘private space’ boundaries at home, which is why he feels like this.

@Gummybearmum im going against the grain here.

You're not unreasonable in the slightest to have this boundary of privacy in your own home.

Just because someone is doing us a favour, doesn’t mean that we have to accept things that make us uncomfortable.

Your parents sound kind and helpful and I understand you don’t want to upset them.

Maybe ask your partner if he is ok with you using him as the excuse ‘Do you mind not going into our bedroom? Dave isn’t used to it thanks! Want a cup of tea?’