To not want my parents to go in my bedroom (I'm 33 yrs old)

Where does OP state she and her partner share a house with her parents??

I think her mum is coming to her house to watch the baby and taking that time to go up, open their closed bedroom door and snoop around inside. Much as she snooped inside her bedroom throughout her 20’s, as well as opening mail addressed to OP and not allowing any toilet privacy growing up.

Please correct me if I’ve got this wrong OP. But also instantly get a bedroom lock or arrange other childcare. It isn’t normal that your mum does this.

@Mayspring

no.

Oh isnt it?

It's not 'lovely' to disregard someone's privacy.

How strange to feel like that…anyone can go in my bedroom, it’s not like we have personal items like lingerie or sex toys out on show! We have an open door policy for bedrooms in our house for kids and us included. We sleep with our bedroom door open anyway as we have cats and dogs that come and go throughout the night. She’s providing free childcare and even ironed, what’s to complain about??

Op doesn't say if she's told them before not to go in there. If she has,then it's out of order. If not the OP needs to tell them or put a lock on the door.

You’ve got support I can only dream of. I think it’s lovely of her.

I’ve been in this situation, both with parents and a friend. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask/expect visitors to stay out of your bedroom.
I have private paperwork in my bedroom cupboards and I don’t like the idea of anyone going in there- there’s no need.

I’ve always considered adults bedrooms private and would never go in without permission.

I got locks fitted in the end.

My mother was similar. It was about respect and boundaries. Once I had my own house, she was rarely unattended and on the rare occasion she babysat, she would prefer to wipe down or iron rather than play with the children because an immaculate house was always her priority.

I was independent from the age of 18 and never had to compromise because she was never asked and never offered to provide regular childcare.

Where you are coming from is totally understandable. Whether you are prepared to compromise, lock private things away or have firmer boundaries depends on her anticipated response and how much you need free childcare.

FWIW because of my mother, my children's rooms have always been regarded as their private space, within reason because I wouldn’t have put up with filthy living. They are 27 and 30 now and paradoxically we have a much more open relationship that I had or have with my mother.

@Mayspring

its not her home though, it’s her parents home. She needs to move out into another property with her own partner and baby and that house will be her home and she’ll have all the privacy she could want.

Free childcare, in the child's own home
laundry done as well.

You have choices - either you continue to accept this free childcare
or you pay for childcare

If you are so keen on privacy in your home, then maybe the free childcare could take place in your Mother's home...

I wish my mum would come and do my ironing!

Totally justified. Put a lock on the door and say you found your LO in there slathering himself in your best lippie or playing with your jewellery box and you don't want him doing it again.

Just because she is being so kind as to help out with childcare does not entitle her to invade your private space , unlike what some of these ridiculously snitty responses suggest.

I dont think you are being unreasonable or your partner. People saying “I have read it all now” and talking of “free childcare” what if it were a MIL snooping in her son and DIL’s bedroom? Im sure the replies would be quite different. You are entitled to privacy in your own home free childcare or not. I certainly would not be going into my in -law’s room if they were not there 🧐. Shut the door and ask for it to be remained closed, unless they are in desperate need of a much needed sleep there is no reason to go into your bed/bedroom. I assume everything they need to care for your child are in other rooms.

Why don’t you and partner move out, OP? @Gummybearmum

We used to leave really early for work so my mum would come to us to look after the kids and would make all the beds for us, it was a god send! Would literally have no issue with my mum being in my bedroom, ITS MY MUM!

Haha, you'd think that was just a joke, but my FIL used to do unrequested DIY in our house whilst MIL was looking after our son. Drove me crazy!

So just be honest.

"Mum, I really appreciate your help with the childcare and doing some extras around the house to help us out, but Jack and I would prefer if you didn't go into our bedroom as that's our private space". No further discussion needed really.

I think this really depends on your relationship with your parents. We have a very open household which is also how it was when I was growing up, the doors to all rooms are open to our children and any visitors. My little sister always snoops in our drawers, which I find unusual, but I always laugh it off thinking if you find something you wish you hadn't you only have yourself to blame! Personally I wouldn't worry about my parents being in my room but I guess I don't have a history of privacy issues with my mum. In all honesty I think this is one of those questions that only you can answer based on what feels right to you.

Also I agree with a previous poster who said it may be a generational thing too. My mum came from a generation who lived with family throughout their childhoods in South East London. She had to share a room with her brother and Aunt and cousin growing up and so privacy meant different things to her to what they did myself who had her own bedroom growing up.

I've read it all now,best thing you can do is say sorry mum you cant look after my son because myself and my partner think you're a snoop so we will pay someone instead..get a grip of yourself

People would give anything to have free (presumably) childcare from their mother who is also willing to do a little ironing. I think you sound very entitled OP.

Also, I do think your feelings are valid to feel the way you do. Completely valid. I remember my mum used to do my washing and tidied up my bedroom and bathroom when I stayed with her briefly a couple of years ago. I didnt like the feeling she had tidied up after me and it made me feel inferior/shame. I don't know why because she's my mum and I love her and she was trying to be nice and she really didnt mind doing it. It annoyed me though. I just kept telling myself that she was being nice and was doing it because she loved me and even though I'd say things like "thanks mum but you don't need to do the washing for me." She would say she wouldnt mind and carried on.

I don't think you are being unreasonable. I wouldn't like my mum going in to my bedroom. I would feel it's an invasion of privacy. I also didn't like her touching my laundry.

Think a lot of people from 'older generations' have much more relaxed view on privacy.
I did student accommodation tours and it was usually:
Student: so bathroom is not private?
Parents: there are just two rooms sharing it
Grandparents: what do you want? I would put four of you into this room.

My mum is also relaxed and used to walk in my room/family bathroom any time. They do just open door and go into my home now.
My MIL did laundry and discovered all kinds of underwear (that kept my marriage alive 😏) but continued to fold it...