Lads night out at 3 months old

I would be encouraging him to go away for a night. Then he owes you a night for when you want to do the same with your friends!

It’s just one night. A baby shouldn’t stop you both doing things!

I think I misread your OP as he hasn't had a night out since the baby was born, when actually he has? If it's a pattern of going on nights out while leaving the lion's share of the baby stuff to you, I agree that's a bit different and you're probably being less unreasonable being upset that he's just decided he's going away for the night.

It’s one night and wouldn’t bother me.

I think that is way too young to be leaving overnight unless it is for work and unavoidable. As long as mom and baby are still a dyad, dads should be staying as close as possible as often as possible for support. It’s not like mothers can get long breaks as easily. The best way to keep her from
burning out is to keep parenting as much of a team effort as possible.

I get what others say about him not needing “permission”, and that a night alone with the baby shouldn’t be impossible … but equally I think things like this should be discussed together - it’s a bit crap that he’s decided it’s a done deal without seeming to care how you feel.

My DP and I didn’t have nights away until baby was 6 months old. She was really tough in the early months and neither of us would have left the other in the lurch, but by 6 months it was fine. We made sure we both had nights away arranged fairly close together so it felt equal.

If you’re not happy, does that mean you don’t feel he pulls his weight, or you’re looking for him to show he cares more? I actively encouraged my DP to go away next weekend for something - he’s such a great dad and partner, and does these things so infrequently, that it doesn’t bother me at all.

Let him have his night, then you book one for yourself?

Share the load

It’s 1 night, and the baby is 3 months old. Waking up every 2-3 hours is pretty normal and definitely doesn’t require two people as a one off.

are you feeling resentful that he gets a night off and you haven’t had one?

Bang out of order to leave all the childcare duties to you when you’re still healing in all aspects of adjusting to a massive lifestyle change, the last thing on his mind should be leaving you to attend a birthday party, seems selfish if you ask me. You should both be in the newborn trenches together, you conceived this child together so you can tackle this challenge together and then you can both enjoy a lovely evening of fun later once you’ve both gotten through the difficult stages, as a way to celebrate your accomplishments as one. Otherwise, he can go but make sure you schedule a night out with your girls too, alone, and leave him for the night in the trenches and see how he copes with that. I would avoid the latter if possible though because then it just turns into a nasty game of tit for tat and that’s never good.

You go to the spare room night before hes out. He can look after babe in advance to evens the load. Job done 👍

I would probably feel quite apprehensive in your shoes about dealing with an unsettled young baby for a night by myself, but I do agree that your DH should be able to have a night out by himself on special occasions without getting your permission - sounds like it's a one off and he's otherwise helpful with the baby?

Could you maybe take the baby and stay with your parents for that night, or invite them to stay over that night or similar? No idea if you have that kind of setup, so sorry if it's not relevant, but I went and stayed with my mum the first couple of times I spent the night without DH after I had my DC. Obviously I was still the only one up in the night, but it did really help to know there was another friendly adult around.

if he otherwise pulls his weight and parents DS then I don't see why he shouldn't go? It's 1 night and plenty of single parents and partners of people who work away get by alone for longer stretches of time than that. Maybe make a point of asking him to deal with DS' wake ups one night next weekend so you can have a rest. I know the first few months seem relentless and hard, but if he's otherwise supportive I think he should go

Well neither parent should be tied to a house just because a baby has been born, it is not a competition to who stays home more but both parents should be able to go out and do normal things, not just one but I know parents think the world has to stop but that is not a healthy attitude