Lads night out at 3 months old

Space for himself shouldn’t be a night away on the piss when she needs him home.
He has had nights out and meals out, she’s not ready to be left alone over night yet.

YANBU. In the 3 months since you have had your baby, he has had 2 nights out with this being his 3rd. He has just assumed that you will be around to look after the baby and that he doesn't even need to check that.
I think he's being rude. The baby isn't just your responsibility, it's his too and he needs to step up if the baby is being difficult. You haven't said he can't go out at all (evidenced by his nights out already), what you have asked for is some common decency of it being a discussion, not a given, that you will pick up his slack.

Make sure he knows you want your nights out / away too when you are ready.

You’ll cope, my ex went on a business trip when dd2 was 10 days old and dd1 was 2, no help at all but it was actually easier as no other adult to deal with or disrupting routine

Do NOT listen to bitches on this site who's day job is making women on MN feel like shit because they are deeply unhappy in their own lives.

Talk to him, properly. Don't argue. Tell him how you are feeling generally not just about the trip. He needs to understand how you feel to understand your reaction.

You are not right or wrong and that is irrelevant. You have a new baby, your hormones are all over the fucking place and that's ok.

Read what she bloody said. She's struggling at the moment. We are very much not our rational selves post partum FFS.

From reading your posts, I think the main problem is he decided it without even consulting you first. It not about permission but about discussion if the situation you are in right then is right and how you will cope if he goes out. What the expectation are etc. It annoys me even now when my DH makes plans and decides it is all ok and I can do XY or Z while he goes out. (I have DS 7.5 and DD 3.5 now)

But I don't think it is unreasonable for him to go away for 1 night for an birthday.

I also had a 2 hourly waker (i think until 6-8 months maybe longer). Not breastfeed though. Its really hard when you are in the position and feel like your DH is just swanning off for a good nights sleep without consideration for what you are going through. We had alot of wedding and stag dos when my DS was under 6 months so I did a few nights without DH. We came to the compromise that he would sort meals and shopping etc for me for when he was away. He either pre cooked a meal for me to reheat or got me a nice ready meal and pudding. Get me a few treats. Make sure the washing and cleaning were up to date so I didn't have to worry about that. Washed bottles and make sure formula was ready. I didn't make the hard 2 hourly waking any easier, but it meant I didn't have to worry about anything else and made me resent the fact he got some uninterrupted sleep a little less!

You're a dick

In a healthy relationship, both partners needs are important. He can recognize that she is struggling and make space for himself.

@Starvey i completely get where you’re coming from. The sudden change in sleep can get you like a kick in the teeth especially when you feel like you’re just getting into the swing of things. Sleep deprivation is the worst and if baby is fussy in the day too you’re maybe not getting much rest there too.

I completely agree that any decision about someone going out should be joint once you have a baby as someone always needs to look after the baby. What if you had plans for the evening? I think it’s thoughtless at best but trying to give him the benefit of the doubt maybe he just hasn’t got used to the new way of things - if he’s been back at work for some time now realistically his life hasn’t changed as much as yours - I know my DH did say he found it really hard in those early days working then coming home straight to a baby in their witching hour(s) that sometimes would only settle for me really.

I would say anything said and done in the newborny phase needs to be dealt with grace on both sides. Talk to him. Now is the time you both need to work as a team. Explain you’re upset and why and that in the future as a courtesy you’d need to be involved in these decisions. If parents are willing and able - just go there - yes they may be woken up a few times but it’s one night for them they will catch up and they will want to help you. I completely get this feeling of feeling like you have to / should do it all on your own but honestly you just need to do what it takes to survive. You might be able to have a relax / bath / sleep early doors at your parents and then you can take over the other part of the night.

Finally, make sure you’re getting some time for you. It can be really common for feelings of resentment to pop up. If baby takes a bottle of/ you can express make sure you’re planning even a few hours where you can feel like you and dad can have baby for an evening. I know it’s not a competition but it does make you feel better when things are fairer.

congrats on the baby - I know everyone will say it but this phase feels so long and hard but it does just fly by - the nights are long but the days are short x

Can grown men not handle being ‘put on the spot?’

‘I’ll get back to you’ – simple.

If he was going away for a week, maybe unreasonable. A night? YABU!!!!!

This!

No. The problems in relationships occur when one doesn’t recognise the other is struggling.

I love how ‘martyr’ on Mumsnet seems to mean ‘doing it all and not speaking up’ and now suddenly ‘doing something you don’t want to do because your husband is doing the same thing’.

She doesn’t want a night away, she wants for her husband to forego a night away during this particularly difficult period of her life.

I don’t think it matters if people on here say they would be happy for him to go. People raise babies with husbands in the military who are away for ten months at a time or whose husband died before the baby was born. There’s always going to be someone on Mumsnet telling you they had it worse.

What matters is you and your relationship. If you are struggling and would rather he supported you at the moment than went out, you should be able to say that to him.

So if you are not struggling you area 'perfect' parent? Or just communicate and have a mature equal relationship?

Was he put on the spot where he had to say either....Yes, great, count me in! ... or... Don't know, just need to make sure MOH is ok with it....? Hmmm. I'd let it go this time and see if you can go to your parents the next day for some respite. It's not about him going, it's about him not running it past you but....did he want to avoid being teased??

Well then she needs a break herself then doesn’t she.. but if she wants to be a martyr 🤷🏻‍♀️

in a relationship people still need to retain autonomy over their own social lives and for it to be equal.

That doesn’t need to be in the form of a night away with a poorly sleeping, difficult 3 month old and struggling mum though, does it. With his numerous nights out, doesn’t seem like her partner is having any problems at all maintaining his ‘autonomy’.

Of course it's a struggle. Little babies almost always are. But it's one night, with plenty of warning. You can power through, and he can do the same when you're ready. It isn't healthy to martyr yourselves to parenting, sometimes you both feel better from pushing through and making time for other things.

You need to have a day or night out with your own friends or family and even things up.

I would have been upset by this too OP. My husband had a first night away when DD was around that age and I remember feeling quite overwhelmed, he talked to me about how I felt before he committed though. I also think it's inherently unfair for him to be out and about regularly whilst you can't do the same if you're breastfeeding?

I hope DS is sleeping longer stretches for you soon, sleep deprivation is just the worst. I found it a comfort to remind myself everything is just a stage- I hope its a short one ❤️

Because she’s struggling on her own. It’s not rocket science.

Who said those of us who would t object had the perfect babies and didn’t parenting alone difficult?

What people are saying is in a relationship people still need to retain autonomy over their own social lives and for it to be equal.

The problem occurs when one partner doesn’t allow things to be equal - for example OP announces she’s doing the same in 3 months time and he has an issue with it.

Think I went out more than my husband after I’d had our son 😂 and at 3 months old we both had a night away together! Don’t see why he shouldn’t go out as long as you have the opportunity aswell.