AIBU to not want to host DH's friend on my own?

There are some absolute (and fucking rude) weirdos on this thread

I think you are being completely reasonable and would in no way be up for this.

I'm honestly surprised the friend would still WANT to come, unless he is literally thinking of you as the equivalent to a hotel receptionist or air bnb host whom he will only have to have minimal interaction with (which itself supports his possible issues with women) ignoring the fact that this is your home!

How would your DH react if you expected him to host your mother or a female friend of yours be doesn't like for a few days? And that's without the cultural context of male/female potential danger.

If the friend can manage to travel unaided and spend days at this event then he is also capable of booking a hotel if he wants to attend. Or he can rearrange to a different time and they'll just have to organise themselves. Or dh can refuse the conference. Lots of options, not your problem to solve.

I'd be furious with your Dh. not just on your own behalf, but his friend's. I bet the friend doesn't particularly want to spend two days with you either - he came to see your DH.

I'd tell your Dh that you're not entertaining this man you barely know. If he wants to still come for the full 4 days, he's welcome to stay in the house but you won't be looking after him but you really don't know why he'd even want to come under those conditions.

And then I'd suggest that you plan to meet a friend for at least one evening and work late the other.

@VitaSays has your dh contacted his friend to tell him that he wont be around for at least two days? does he still want to come given that it appears that he will be going out with a bunch of apparent strangers as well as sleeping in a stanger's house who happens to be the opposite sex??? it is quite inappropriate to be honest!

If it was negotiated and I could have said no if I wanted to, then I’d be fine doing that (I might suddenly remember I had plans for one of the nights-so sorry, please make yourself at home!) But if it was expected undiscussed then no.

OP does have agency.

Unless she does something, she is totally going to get landed with (a) hosting the weekend and worse (b) a track record for putting up with it when her husband shits on her.

The guest is totally not OP’s problem, but her selfish, boundary overstepping husband most certainly is.

So basically your DH invited his mate to stay for four days, his plans have changed and instead of rearranging with his mate, he can’t be bothered. He isn’t concerned about you feeling awkward hosting a guy you barely know or your safety, having an unknown male alone in the house with you. No, it’s all about the inconvenience to himself and how if they miss this long weekend, he’d have to plan the activities if he cancels and avoiding looking like a cock for making other arrangements overlapping his plans with mate.

I am guessing that your DH knows that he has messed up but rather than admitting that, he is behaving like a petulant teenager.

His mess, he needs to sort it.

Why are you making this OP’s problem? There is no pair, she did not invite him!

Your husband has had a better offer and now he's ditching a previous arrangement. Nice

Also, is there any way you could go away that weekend? It's very rude to invite someone without discussing it with you first. I hope you're not rushing round getting everything ready for him? And your husband can change the bed after too.

Jeez Louise indeed,

Hi Peter, I / (CF-H)need to have a quick chat about next weekend, I’ve been invited to Very Important Conference and you know what it’s like with these things, so I’ve decided to go on the Friday and Saturday. Unfortunately, OP isn’t going to be here on those days and I wonder if we could somehow juggle things around.

I don’t know if your preference would be to come on Saturday so that we meet here in the evening, or whether that leaves it to short for you. There are loads of hotels local if you still want to take part on Friday. Or we can move the weekend to another time.

Anyway, let me know what your general thoughts are, and we will sort something out.

Ta,
CF-H

easy fucking peasy … and most importantly NOT WET.

Even if you did know and like him yanbu.

Poor show by your husband - both to you and his friend. You can't invite someone to spend 4 days with you then bail on him for half that time! I'd be hugely pissed off if I was his friend - and it sounds like the friend is as comfortable with enforced social contact with the OP as she is with him.

The correct thing for him to do would be to say no to the conference because he already has commitments at that time - or, if his career is more important to him than his friends, he should tell his friend he can't host him any more because the work thing's come up.

That said in the OP's position I'd be OK with hosting the friend on my own, as long as it was understood that there would be minimal actual hosting: no meals together, no running around catering to him, no expectation of any real social time with him. Get the basics in like milk and coffee, then go about my life as normal and leave him to fend for himself. I don't think that'd be hard and it also sounds like it's what the friend would prefer.

I also don't think the friend being a bit quiet is enough of a personality defect for me to veto hosting him. (If he was a chatty type I'd be more reluctant!) Could well be an opportunity to get to know him if he's awkward in social situations. Or obviously if you've no interest in getting to know him that's fine too!

He’s being totally flakey. He has a prior commitment which he is now trying to get out of and using you to alleviate his guilt about letting down his friend.

Tell him to man up and disappoint his friend if he wants to go so badly.

So basically your DH is saying you should be alone in the house for 2 days and nights with a man you don't know from Adam? No way would I agree to that.

The pair of you have not spoken to the man. That’s what I mean by wet.

And it is obvious you and your husband have really not spoken to each other, so much as at each other.

Firstly, there’s no bloody way I’d be hosting him on your own. End of.
Secondly, if I was the friend, I’d be pretty pissed off that your partner has invited him and wanted to spend time with him but is now bailing. That’s bloody awful!
Your partner doesn’t need to go to the conference and you 100% don’t need to host someone you barely know!
Tell your partner to sod off

Can't the friend now stay at an AirBnB or Premier Inn as local as possible and only stay with you on the nights your dh is home? I assume your dh is doing at least some of the weekend?

As PP have said, we have no idea how the friend feels about it all!

If dh isn't happy about the staying somewhere else for some of the friend's stay, he shouldn't be going away!

Really rude of your husband to happily dump his friend for something else he'd rather do.

First commitments take priority unless the new thing is absolutely something you can't get out of, which isn't the case here.

Expecting you to cover his back is absolutely not on.

Then DH either cancels his networking thing or friend gets a hotel/air bnb.

Of course it’s hosting him, OP will be expected to provide meals and drinks.

Your DH doesn’t get outsource his social obligations to you, he is master of his own diary and needs to manage it himself.

Repeat after me "That's not your problem!"

DH caused this. All of it. End of.