AIBU to not want to host DH's friend on my own?

Your husband is breathtakingly selfish.

He's changed the goalposts on his friend (how can he go climbing on his own?), and is making you out to be the unreasonable one? And for his own gain?
Imagine being the friend in this situation- being invited to do activities but then your husband fecks off to network. Awful

Make up your mind! You say you’re hospitable but now you’re saying guests should just do everything for themselves! Not even a cup of tea for a guest? Even that’s hosting, you know?

How would that possibly work? Of course OP will be expected to host! No one would feel comfortable ‘doing their own thing’ in someone else’s home when they’re there.

OP, if you DH refuses to cancel the conference and insists his friend can stay at your house while he’s away, I’d be checking into a hotel or off to stay with a friend for 4 days.

Has it been said that she is? He's a mate of one of the homeowners (her DH). He can be told to make his own arrangements re food/drinks.

I have a feeling that the situation will resolve itself when your DH actually tells his friend about the conference. I think his friend is going to bow out as he doesn’t sound very outgoing and will be unlikely to want to stay or do these activities without your DH.

Get your DH to tell his friend ASAP!

Its hard to decide who your dh is most disrespectful of. You or his friend.

Sounds like as well as dumping his friend, he hasn't even told him yet. 🙄 just assumed everyone would accommodate his absence...

Sounds like your dh needs to skip the conference. I am sure there will be another one at some stage.

He is being unfair to you both. On you for expecting you to host and on his friend.

I don't think it is unreasonable for him to stay in a hotel for a couple of nights and then come on to you when husband returns. Your husband needs to explain that he would rather go to a conference while he is visiting and that you have already made other plans.

Has your DH actually spoken to his friend yet? I would be bloody mortified at thought of spending 2 days staying with my friend's partner (male or female!) who I barely knew. And I would 100% rearrange the weekend or stay in a hotel the days friend was away.

Will your DH give him a set of keys, or are you expected to be home to let him in? Will you have to cook him meals or will he prep his own food in your kitchen? Will you share a bathroom? Will he come home late and disturb you? Some people act like having someone to stay is no big deal and it drives me loopy because every time I've had a house guest they've required a certain level of being taken care of, no matter how much they or someone else has said otherwise. It's a massive PITA.

I'd flatly say no and if DH doesn't back down take yourself off to a nice hotel for that weekend and leave the pair of them to sort logistics.

Of course he should.

but OP is dealing with reality on the ground, and CF will get his way by doing nothing. Relying on other people to do the right thing will always be abused, again OP must take decisive action, or accept that she is reinforcing that she will accept being run over roughshod.

Why would OP need to speak WITH her husband. She doesn't want to host his friend and has said so. She is not starting a negotiation she is laying down a boundary. Her husband needs to sort his own problem out.

Ok but does he know? DH needs to speak to him.

Next people will be suggesting you leave your house for the few days to accommodate this man🙄.

Yanbu.
Your husband is a rude CF.

This has reminded me of something I read about arsehole men,......you get to see their real character when you say NO to something.

This is your husbands real character.

… but as of this morning, he’s still coming? There isn’t actually any change of plans, as far as I can make out.

You are still taking responsibility for your husband’s emotions/sulk/huffy-puffy, but avoiding taking decisive action.

If he doesn’t make contact ASAP then you are going to have to demonstrate that on this occasion and going forward you are not going to cave.

OP, correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like the friend may also not be thrilled with this new plan either? If he's a quiet guy and who is a bit on the shy side with women, he's going to be equally dismayed at the prospect of having to make awkward small talk one on one with the wife of his friend, when he was expecting primarily to be spending time with your DH?

So?

Agree. Your husband is being a shit friend on top of being completely unreasonable to you.

I would have thought a couple of compromises could take care of this situation quite nicely. You agreed to host the friend on your own for one night. DH leaves the conference early on the 2nd day, perhaps at lunchtime, so is able to pick up hosting from that evening onwards. Both DH and the friend don't miss this very organised event, which if that is your hobby and interest, sounds like a good weekend. However, dh does need to recognise that you are helping him out enormously. And he doesn't seem to be getting that part yet

This. I’d feel really pissed off if I was the friend. Clear that his priorities are work not friends and family especially when he doesn’t have to go.

What planet does your Dh live on. Hes a massive CF. He cba to host but he recons your being unreasonable ?.. right. what a twat.

I can’t believe some if these replies! Of course OP isn’t being unreasonable. Her DH is. He invited a guest for four days without clearing it with OP and then has planned to bop off for half the visit for a better offer leaving OP in charge of hosting. I would tell dh he must reschedule his friend.

I don't think it's ever unreasonable for a woman not to want to be alone overnight with an unrelated male she doesn't know well. @VitaSays has stated she has no particular safety concerns herself but it would be perfectly reasonable if she did.

If I were this bloke, I doubt I'd even want to come under the circumstances, or at least, stay with the OP. The situation would feel a bit awkward, even if he wasn't inherently awkward to begin with.

How would your DH react if you expected him to host your mother or a female friend of yours be doesn't like for a few days?

If the friend was coming specifically to see ME, he would ask me what the heck I am on about.

WHEN (because it has happened) friend needed a place to stay in London and I would never not offer my house instead of a hotel, he just made sure they had a key.

I'd tell my DH to make it clear I wouldn't be "hosting" but his friend would be welcome in my house -they'll just have to do their own thing, and I'll be either working or out in the evening.

Total non-issue