Not wanting to move in with my bf in his moms home when she passes

Ah well, there's a fair chance the house will go to pay for care in her later years...

But if not, the smoke smell can be got out. And if you're rent / mortgage free, doesn't that mean you can afford renovations to sort the problems and make it your own?

You're assuming he will be left the house, it may be sold to cover care costs, who knows, she's not died yet. If you do plan to stay together and buy a new place is he happy to sell the house

Sounds like he's counting the days till he gets a free house, that's horrible and I, personally, couldn't see past it. Also my mil is 80, smoking since she was 13 and still going strong. His grabby hands may have a long wait.

Snort. His mother may live to be 102 and the house sold to cover care home fees, unless your Prince plans to be her sole carer himself. Or she may leave it to a dog charity.

More importantly, he sounds ghastly.

Are you both very young?

"doesn't think she has long left"
Unless she's seriously ill or regularly dances on the motorway or railtrack then she could live for a very long time.

She may well have another 20 years so this speculation is really pointless. How old are you OP?

Is the poor woman even ill??

Agree, IME the heavy smokers I knew/know are bizarrely generally healthier than those who aren't.

E.g. my aunt smoked 40 a day and lived to 94 and never went to hospital in her life, her cause of death was head injury caused by tripping up over her dressing gown we think. Go figure.

Had her cigs in her pocket too and her lighter so she was probably about to to spark one up, bless her, didnt even get to enjoy one last fag 😬

I hate to be the bearer of bad news but my Grandad lived to almost 90 as a very heavy smoker. As did his brother. Not sure why you're speculating she's going to die soon just because she smokes.

Does he live with his mummy still, or is he a grown up? Does he work, or is he living off mummy? Does he like his mom? Is he a bit love/hate with her - still dependent but resents it a bit so looking to her dying as a way out for him?
He doesn't sound much of a catch OP.....are we missing something here?
I wouldn't really think about this if I've never seen ro experience my bf as living separate to, and completely independently of, his parents. And I'd want to know he has thoughts about how he'd do this that aren't dependent on his parents death.

Here's me thinking his DM is on her death bed.

I'd run for the hills and create my own life rather than be part of this. He has such a warped way of thinking.

I hope she leaves the house to a rabbit charity.

Sounds like he’s jumping the gun. She’s not even ill and he’s planning for when she’s dead. Do you really want to have a family with this prince?

Urgh I wouldn't want to be with someone so callous tbh. He's already got his sights on her house and she's not even at deaths door yet? Really really grim. Shows a lot about his character.

How old is this poor woman? Is she at death's door or is this wishful thinking on his part?

Your argument over how much it would cost to redecorate is not really persuasive. Selling the house with all the costs and fees and then buying another will cost far more and the new house may have had a dog or a smoker in it. I get why you don't want to move in there when the unfortunate happens but you need a better argument, it wouldn't wash with me if I was your BF

You'll be moved in when she is still alive but needs help with self care .

Bet the farm on it !!!

Definitely not being unreasonable. Any woman would hate that.

But reframe your objections to be about respect (!) rather than how much you'd hate it.

"Oh but this house is so much your mum's home, and every inch of it is clearly hers not ours. When the time comes, we will need a clean slate, that we can make our home in without it feeling disrespectful every time we change something."

Sounds like that house needs to be sold to a redeveloper who can gut it entirely and turn it into the blank slate for some other family. If you move in you will never exorcise the continuing presence of your MIL in every nook and cranny where her leftovers are still hanging around.

It's a bit weird that he's so focused on what he can do with her house after her death when she's not actually dying..... This would be worrying me. He can do what he likes but your plans should be based on your needs and wants not on helping him with the bills/ cleaning/ turning it into a home etc

This is the biggest issue here.

I have young children. I would be devastated if they grow up to value me so little that they would speculate with a partner that I might pass away soon & discuss the financial benefits for them!!

Id consider this conversation in bad taste if she was terminally ill. She isn’t even that. My granny was a heavy smoker she lived well into her 80s. Not uncommon.

Both of you need to plan your own life and stand on your own two feet without discussing this poor woman’s life span.

Christ I hope my kids and their partners aren’t talking about my ‘ghastly house’ and what they want to do with it when I’m gone!

Is he seriously suggesting you invest money in a house only he owns?
Does he really think you are that dim?

Well you'd be rather dim to move into a house that only he owns and plunge all your money into it, even if you loved it. Why does he think that makes any sense for you to do?

You say ‘not wanting to move in with’ your boyfriend. So is this all just theoretical - a ‘what would we do one day if’ sort of thing - and you currently live together / own or saving for somewhere or is your boyfriend still living at home with his mum and delaying your living together or buying somewhere based upon the thought (hope?) that his mother will die soon. And, from what you have said, the only reason he thinks his mother is going to die soon is because she smokes?

If this is just a ‘what would we do with an inheritance one day’ thing, then fine. But if your boyfriend is delaying setting down with you and spinning you a line that you can move in when his mother shuffles off this mortal coil, run away now!