I feel distant from my husband because we have young kids, we are so busy and working…etc etc, we don’t have sex often enough and we know that’s a problem.
Tonight he initiated sex and I tried to talk to him first (just about life etc) because we never have time for one another and I wanted to feel connected to this person before I want to start kissing him etc. I don’t want to feel like I am having sex with a stranger. But after talking for a bit he has stormed off saying he doesn’t have time for this, he has work to do, he just wanted to get close before he had his work to do. He wants us to be silly and flirty etc. I said that I didn’t start the heavy talk, I was asking him things like ‘what do you love about me’ etc…trying to feel that closeness, and he answered ‘I love when you are happy and silly, not when you are grumpy and pissy. I miss when you are happy and smiling, you are grumpy and sad so much of the time now.’
So I try to explain why I’m that way sometimes, why I can’t be happy all the time. That I don’t want to feel like I’m only lovable when I’m happy with no problems. Then he talked about his stressful job, I said I get it, mine is stressful too, he said it’s not a competition. Then a bit more chat like this and then he loses it, says he has no time for this, why do I always want to make everything not fun by being so serious. I said it wasn’t me, I asked you a simple question of what do you love about me, trying to feel some kind of closeness, and he was the one that gave me a backhanded compliment by saying he loves when I’m not pissy. So he stormed off saying I need to write a script for him, nothing makes me happy and he is too busy for this. So now we are back worse than we were before we tried to get closer. I worry that we are not going to be able to close this gap. Is it me? Am I being unreasonable for wanting to talk to my husband before snogging the faces off each other, when we have done nothing more than peck each other on the lips for months?