Leisure centre manager had a pop at me… and I can’t get it out of my head!

This

Because they told her they weren’t paying?

Maybe they did pay ,bur had occasionally snuck through the back gate. Also maybe they have a baby or one small child each.twins will stand out,you will be noticed.its really not on though.you are getting free play when there has to be a supervisor needing pay.also lighting etc.what about insurance if they got Hury would you be covered. I would rejoin and pay up.you have had a long free trial period!

She ‘believed’ the mums because it was convenient. Everyone knew people were paying to go in the front door. It’s a classic ‘everyone else was doing it so I thought it must be okay’ and choosing not to ask the person with authority to give an answer, and choosing not to go in the front door where the tickets would be checked.

There are totally honest mistakes that people make. However, this wasn’t one of them, because these Mums knew what they were doing wasn’t really right…but because they got away with it for months, it felt acceptable to them, and was then a shock when they were called out.

We can lie to ourselves for convenience. We can deliberately ask the person we know will give us the answer we want. We can choose not to ask the person who will give the answer we don’t want to hear. We can choose to go in the unmonitored back door and not the front paying door. And we can then lie to ourselves about all this too and say ‘we didn’t know and everyone else was doing it’ or we can be honest about the fact we were being cheeky and doing wrong. But some people just can’t do that and will always want to justify themselves and somehow even believe it themselves it seems…because it automatically comes out of their mouth and they’ve never really been willing to put their hands up to anything. I think some people see it as a weakness to do so. But it’s such a strength!

The op doesn’t even know their bloomin names but seems to be very confident that none of them were paying either

Why should the leisure centre have to go to the trouble and expense of this? Surely most people understand that you pay for an activity and do just that activity. Most of us don’t walk into shops and take the things from the rails and shelves home just because there isn’t a sign up to tell us we must go to the till. We don’t spend the day in cinemas roaming freely from film to film. We don’t pay to go to a gum class then go for a quick unpaid for dip in the pool to cool off. There is an awful entitlement to some parents in ‘assuming’ that the soft play is there to be used after classes by their darling children. And quite honestly I don’t believe them. They’re trying it on. Fine, do that, but then don’t moan and cancel classes in a strop because you get caught out!

You clearly have never experienced the agony of social anxiety.

So you’d accept being told others doing the same thing have not been required to pay, but you’re going to pay anyway?

But they know whether those in authority have required them to pay.

we went through the back gate, and I asked one of the other mums what the deal was. She just shrugged and said it was fine, they do it every week and no one has said anything
This is what you posted, op.
That wasn’t a confirmation that there was no entry charge, it was her telling you they always sneak in and nobody’s collared them yet.

OP has been doing it for 9 months, I hardly think that makes her NOT a CF just because she was embarrassed for being called out.

well they don't have the authority to say its ok.

I suppose if you've got twice as many children as the others it looks like more of a piss-take... are your DTs identical? If not maybe she thinks you're a CF nanny! I can't see why the gym wouldn't have just told the class leader to mention to the group that soft play must be paid for though. Don't let it put you off the class.

You are embarrassed because you have been caught stealing.

You could have apologised, explained another told u it was OK, and offered to pay some amount. And offered to buy employee a coffee as put them in awkward situation.

That would be the gracious thing to do and you could happily tell the story of your misunderstanding and how happy u are to have generously sorted it.

OP, I think it’s better you’re you, and better not to wish you were like BrickBiscuit. Those comments from BrickBiscuit seem to suggest she really is a CF and proud of it. So even though she knew she should have paid, because there might have been someone else who at some point hadn’t, she argued that meant she shouldn’t have to pay either. That’s definitely an argument of 2 wrongs make a right.
Dont wish you were brazen, shameless and unwilling to accept wrong-doing, when wrong-doing had happened.

These people who run businesses are not the enemy to be scammed and cheated as far as can be achieved. They are offering a service, doing a job and making a living. When we use the services we enter a contract and we know we need to pay for what we use. Being determined to avoid that, or being determined to argue about being called out……well it’s the route of a lot of the problems in society.
No doubt BrickBiscuit likes to argue against any sanctions used by schooo, against her child, or will, regardless of whether her child has broken some rules. Might well be arguing that ‘others did it too’ as a reason for a punishment not to apply, rather than helping their kid see that actions have consequences….and you accept them and move forward.

Non issue.

“Really sorry about that. Won’t happen again. I’m sure you’ve seen all the other parents doing the same if you’ve seen me, so mind and tell them to pay up as well, yeh?”

Then crack on with your life.

Why would she not believe the mums?

but you asked the mums not the centre staff.

Likely because they're more likely to remember admitting twins and unsure if the others had paid or not.

Haha, I still get embarrassed. I do stand my ground - I didn’t always, but I do now. However I never discount the possibility I might be wrong, and nine out of ten times it’s the employee not the boss in front of me, just doing what they’re told. I do sympathise with them and try not to make it about them. I also try and end with a thanks and a (metaphorical) handshake so we both come away feeling OK. But I won’t back down if I’m right.

You’re obviously in the wrong here, which you know. However the leisure centre are also at fault here, for not having a more stringent entry/exit policy to the soft play. It shouldn’t be possible to get in a back gate, this wouldn’t have happened if they’d organised themselves better.

Look, you've saved approx. £576 altogether.
I'd take that as a win! x

I just can’t get my head around sitting with these other mums…. For 9 months! And to not know one single one of their names

If multiple people are doing it, you change your practice to dissuade them doing it. The manager should've told the class instructor to make an announcement at the end of the class that anyone who wants to use the soft play area needs to pay. Or she could've put a sign by the gate. If everyone's doing it unwittingly, you just need to be clear that it's not allowed rather than singling out one random person.

I would also avoid due to management handling it poorly.

Good way of putting it - OP did a CF thing, when usually she isn’t a CF.

Those who are always CF feel no shame when they’re called out on this stuff and don’t take any responsibility but twist it in their mind to be the fault of the business.
But OP isn’t usually a CF and being called out stung today.
Actually, that’s a positive. When you lose all sense of any kind of shame when you’ve been a CF, you’re basically desensitised and are losing the moral compass. OP isn’t there. And she’s turning it into a positive thing and something to learn from.

OP can decide the manager was rude in her tone and that she won’t go back as she doesn’t want to give money to a business such as this. Of course, that’s forgets that OP acted in an unreasonable way that prompted the manager to need to speak to her. No doubt it’s not an easy conversation for the manager, and perhaps she does come across as exasperated, especially if it’s pretty frequent. OP says she wasn’t aggressive. Maybe she was quite assertive…as her job essentially needs her to be when people use the service and don’t pay. It’s up to OP whether she goes back. If there are other lesisure centres with similar facilities she can choose to go to one of those if she really wants. Or she could decide to keep using the centre that she’s underpaid for 9 months! It would be a shame to miss out on activities they all enjoy though. OP becomes a loser she doesn’t need to be in that scenario. She hasn’t been banned! There has been no consequence. A word was had and she was asked to pay. That was it. It’s over.