to not throw a birthday party for my 3 year old?

I agree, four is young enough.

I went to four 3 year old parties. 3 of them were literal hell and I knew then I wouldn’t be doing it for my then 2 year old.

My children just had cake and balloons until they were at primary. Just grandparents and close friends until then.

Very normal to only start inviting friends to children's parties once they are in school - so their 5th birthdays.

Your family BBQ sounds lovely.

DS is late primary now but 'the norm' in my experience back then was...

3rd bday parties weren't a thing other than family.

4th parties werent really a thing either. There were a few of children from nursery who had them but as most of the children wouldnt still be in touch by the following year, most didn't bother.

5th or 6th bday - lots of whole class parties.

After this...small parties with a few friends only.

If you're absolutely minted and are desperate to have one then do, otherwise I'd vote to save your money while you can and use it when it's more (IMO) worth it.

I'm having one for my (turning) 4yo and he's very excited but last year he didn't have a party and wasn't bothered.

Your idea sounds lovely 😊

I didn’t do one for my son until he was 5, but I noticed a difference with my DD. She’s just had one for her 4th birthday, and mentioned this for at least a year beforehand (as she’s seen her brother going to lots of parties/having parties).

Many here didn’t do one until Reception or even Year 1. The advantage of waiting is that your child will have a much clearer idea of who their closest friends are, who they consistently play with, etc.

Definitely up to each family when you start them, and they are optional. One Mum I know is only doing 5 and 10, some every other year to alternate their 2 children due to expense, some every year, some haven’t at all yet.

Sorry - definitely didn’t mean to imply you were being mean! It’s a huge change from 2nd to 3rd birthday parties and it take you by suprise with your first DC.

A compromise could be to have your family party as planned then see if your DC asks about a friends party or not. If not, no big deal. If yes, then you could try to get one in right before the end of the school term and tell your DC you are doing it a bit after the birthday to spread the fun.

We didn’t bother with parties till
primary - so 5th birthday

Parties for 3 yo aren't common at all around here, I don't think they properly start before school.

We just invited a couple of his friends (and their parents) to join our plans and that went really well. More like a glorified play date at home, with cake and balloons, and he still talks about his "party" 6 months later.
We've been invited a couple of times, and it was similar, mostly family with a couple of nursery friends.

We haven't done a party she will be five in 2 months. We asked her if she wanted a holiday or a party- she chose a holiday (I am relieved- and better sort her passport this week!!)

I started with 4th birthday parties. By then they were in the school nursery so the class would be their friendship groups for years to come. Before that I would consider it a waste of money as I didn’t know the parents, kids were always moving in and out of the nursery rooms and my DC didn’t have a strong attachment to anyone as they just played with whoever. So essentially it’s spending £100s just to entertain a bunch of randoms you’ll probably never see again. If I had a close group of mates like NCT or something with kids all the same age I probably would have felt differently though!

Oh good point, I was thinking of my local soft play, where it most likely would be too late!

It's definitely not too late to organise one, it takes 10 mins to book your nearest soft play and you could get the invites out next day! I wouldn't go as far as saying it's mean not to though, it's up to you. Having said that, they have so few. Mine is 7 now and those types of big parties are pretty much over.

If you have friends with children the same age, you could invite them to the bbq so she's got a few little friends to play with. We did this when our kids were small before school age, get the paddling pool out and sandpit, they'll keep themselves occupied!

Echo this, we make the birthday tea at home into a "party". Just get balloons and decorations etc, make a little fuss.

I feel you OP. We've went low key so far (DS is 4) but it's hard when all his nursery friends have soft play parties every year! I've just kept repeating parties are for big birthdays but don't think I'll get away with it when school starts!!

My 3 year old didn't have a party (we had a nice day out instead), because we don't know enough other children that age and even if we did, I'm an introvert and want to delay parties as long as possible! At the proper venues e.g soft play the prices are extortionate too, I'm honestly not sure we'll ever be able to afford it as well as presents.

I'd say having a family bbq is a kind of party anyway!

I didn't bother with a nursery party for my 3yo's 3rd birthday and she didn't seem to mind. I didn't bother as she was just in that nursery for ages 2-3 and she'd stop seeing them once she moved up to a school nursery in a few months.
I knew she'd be moving up to a school nursery by the time of her 4th birthday and that felt like a more worthwhile investment, as we'd be establishing long term friendships throughout primary school.

They're really not the done thing everywhere for everyone.

No need to start all the keeping up with the Joneses thing so early on.

If it was a big deal to her you would know. The birthdays you've done so far are just fine and will continue to be just fine for at least another year if not two unless she begins to want more.

If I were in your shoes I would have your usual party this year and wait and see what happens next year.

It is too late to organise one, and it's not mean! At 3, they can enjoy going to parties but they don't necessarily have that many actual friends because they're only just growing out of parallel play and into cooperative play with specific groups of friends. So even if your DD seems a little disappointed you can just big up the party she's having with family instead and she'll probably like it just as much - because it's more about 'having a party' than it is about spending it with specific friends.

In my experience birthday parties don't seem to start until the 5th birthday when the kids have started school. We did a family bbq when DS turned 3 and he loved it. When we bought out the paddling pool it was like all his birthdays had come at once! At that age we didn't ask him either, just planned something fun. Enjoy these years where a full-on party isn't needed.

Depends on the child. Lots of 3 year olds don’t have parties like that as they find them overwhelming. But many love them. Does your child like going to other kids’ parties? That would be my test. If so, then I’m all honesty I think it’s a bit mean not to have a proper children’s party with some special child activity like soft play for him. Of course you have a family celebration as well, but having family round for a BBQ, even with some balloons and cake etc and if you give him presents, won’t feel like a real party to him.

if your child doesn’t enjoy the other children’s parties, though, that’s entirely different.

OP, I have a 3.5 year old and they’ve been going on about their 4th birthday for a month (it’s not til winter!!!).

Do enjoy this last year party-free because soon it’ll be bouncy castles and balloons and mascot visits and Elsie from nursery who’s gluten free so can’t eat the buffet and party themes changing every 2 minutes and the trying to find someone you know with a Costco card so you can get a big cake and worry that nobody comes.