Is it normal school asking us to pay for additional support?

My son was at independant nusery attached to a private school.they identified him as SEN and had an adhd referral, the private school he was at said they would not support him at all through the school and I ended up removing him.
He went to another private school and we did have to pay for a one on one support teacher. He ended up at state primary and had amazing support there.
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He interviewed at a private secondary and they sajd they would not support him. Another told us it would cost an arm and a leg.
State schools have to provide support, private do not have to and don't really want to either. They don't want children with difficulties and additional needs causing other parents to complain.
This has been our experience.
State primary and secondary have been amazing for my sen child and we would not have got the same support through private, even though we were willing to pay if it meant better support.
You need to ask if through the school they would provide support, if he did have a diognosis ehat would they do. How would they support him
State schools have specialist departments, whole teams dedicated, training for all teaxhers on SEN. Private schools do not have thism you have to buy your son any support he needs. Eventually they might decide he is not suited to their learning style and request you remove him anyway.
State schools legally have to support your child and are trained to do this.
Private schools in our experience just want your money and good children who learn quietly.
There are very few private schools that offer alternative learning styles but they are out there. Bit most are focussed on gettimg top grades so they can charge more, children that don't fit their moulds are a issue for them.

I think it will have to be normal to pay extra, otherwise the cost would be absorbed by the other parents in their fees too which feels unfair.

do you think this may be the start of them trying to manage him out? It might not be the best environment for him?

It is normal for parents self funding independent school to have to pay for additional support.

Support in school and diagnosis are separate. You don’t need a diagnosis for support to be put in place. Although, if a diagnosis is suspected a referral is a good idea.

Can you ask more questions about the therapist? What type of therapist are they? Can you meet them first?

You can request an EHCNA yourself if you want. On their website, IPSEA has a model letter you can use. If the LA issues an EHCP, independent schools can be named in EHCPs. You would need to prove the LA’s proposed school(s) can’t meet needs &/or it isn’t unreasonable public expenditure. You would also need the school to agree to being named. And many have to appeal. If the independent school is named the EHCP, the LA would be responsible for the fees and the special educational provision. When the LA doesn’t believe the above test is met, some LAs will sometimes come to an arrangement whereby parents pay the fees and the LA pays the special educational provision, but they don’t have to and don’t always.

Of course you have to pay for additional support if it's needed. Other parents shouldn't be subsiding it through their fees

In the private sector very normal. Ask if the therapist visits others and whether you can meet them before they observe your child. How tolerant of SEND is the school, might they manage your dc out longer term?

We paid for extra support for an SEN child at an independent school. This is normal. You can apply for an EHCP and if that states that these extra interventions are necessary then the state pays the school if the cost of meeting the extra needs is greater than a threshold amount (I think it's £6000 per year) but the process of getting that statement of needs takes at least 2 years. If behaviour issues start to make a child too disruptive in a classroom of otherwise well-behaved children, some independent schools would be asking a child to leave long before that process concludes. Tbh it doesn't sound like your child needs support at that kind of level though - if you aren't comfortable with being funnelled to the specific therapist that has been recommended, find a different one. Better to get help sooner rather than later if it's needed.

What sort of specialist/therapy are they suggesting? You could look for recommendations and take him outside school hours if you want to have more control/involvement.
Have they mentioned ADHD? Reduced impulse control could be part of this, or he could just be developing at a different pace to his peers. Is he younger in the year group?

I had a child in state school and had to pay for private therapy. He had 6 sessions funded originally, and he seemed to benefit from it. The only way he could have any more via the school was for him to be re-referred, long waiting list, no guarantee he would get any more anyway. So we bit the bullet and paid for it.

Edited to say the benefit of paying for private therapy is that it isn't dictated by waiting lists, or other children taking precedent, or school term times. You are paying, it can be when you want it. My DS saw the same counsellor from about 6 years onwards, and occasionally sees her now (he is 22). He would see her for a few months at a time, on and off, and if something happened then we could just pick up the phone and get something booked. She got to know him well over the years, and it was good for him to know there was someone in the wings he could ask to see - which he did from time to time. This level of input wouldn't have been available via the school.

This is a normal approach in private school.

You can apply for an EHCP - if successful then the state would pay for the additional support (ie you’d pay for the private school fees, but the state would cover the extra support).

However the reality is the vast majority of applications are rejected, it will cost you thousands to go through tribunals to challenge the refusal, any support you get will be absolute bare minimum of what your child needs, and the school may decide that a child with severe enough needs to get an EHCP is going to be too difficult for them to manage and ask you to leave. At which point you may struggle to get another private school place, and you’re then totally reliant on state.

We have two SEN kids in private school and spend a lot on the additional support.

My daughter is at an independent school and we don't pay for her extra support. She does have an EHCP though so probably comes out of those funds

The other teacher is deferring to the SENCO.

Ask to be put in touch with the therapist and about their initial assessments. Ask to meet them etc. Ask what type of things your son will work on.

by all means ask to meet with the head but they are likely to meet with the SENCo or ask the SENCo to join the meeting. You’d be unlikely to get more information from them.

if you want to work with the school I’d suggest accepting the therapy. It is normal to pay for therapy in private. If you also want to speak to the GP about issues raised then do, but you’ll get much better support when it’s privately organised.

We are in the independent school and pay for additional support/tutoring. We also had learning psychology assessment done through school (£600). Nothing major came up but because of the diagnosis he has, now he gets extra time and support at the exams

I think part of what you pay for I no an independent school is a less distracting environment for your child to learn. Whether that’s by parents of children who need more paying for additional support or them being politely asked to find an alternative.

Posdibly your child will settle down and be fine, possibly he’d benefit from early intervention. The bar for help is set much higher at state schools so no help from that avenue.

A bit of info here that may help

https://www.ipsea.org.uk/faqs/my-child-attends-and-independent-school-and-we-pay-the-fees-are-children-at-independent-settings-entitled-to-support

Very normal to have to pay extra for additional SEN support at independent school - whether that is 1:1 tutoring / support, or external therapies coming in. Even if your DS had a diagnosis, it is very likely you'd still have to pay for this while at independent school.

My children were at independent school.

it’s normal for parents to pay the extra cost of support if needed.
my son had speech therapy from a therapist who came into school and worked with him. 60 quid an hour.

depending on what support they think your child needs, in a state school it would either
a) not exist
b) you’d see the speech therapist or other person outside school on the nhs and they might contact school to ask them to do exercises etc in school tome
c) they’d never see a professional and a TA would offer group support