Bank of Mum and Dad and disrespect - request they finance their own.

You have done nothing wrong. You’ve supported your DD to the best of your ability, it’s time to withdraw. Her issues are not your fault but you will always be blamed for them, that’s the lot of a parent I’m afraid. She may come around in time, the situation isn’t without hope.

From a practical point of view you have to disengage financially, even if it means writing debt off. They need to move off your land into something more permanent of their own.

You will feel so much lighter when this is resolved.

You can also advise your work and manager that you are getting professional help for your dd, that she isn’t well and you would be grateful for her understanding if she contacts them again. Preempt any further back lash.

You need to start treating her like the enemy from within, and not your beloved dd, as she is slowly decimating your life op, and it needs to stop. You woefully lack boundaries.

Change the locks on your house. Stop the access. Tell her clearly you have had enough. You have done everything possible to support her to now, and it stops immediately. If the payments are not settled in 14 days it will default she will lose her home and stick to it, no more lending money or buying her things, or bailing her out. You have spoilt her, and she is turned into a monster. Best you deal with it now. Better late than never.

I put YABU because that’s what you’ve been this entire time. Worrying about blocking her emails and socials is the least of your concerns. This woman (she is not a child anymore) has shown she will ruin your reputation, impact your job, and ruin you financially. You should have cut the financial entanglement long time ago, it’s time to do that now. Kick her out, sell the mobile home and try get your finances in order before you retire. If you don’t have a relationship with her when all is said and done you need to accept that. It’s not just kids who can go no contact with parents, it is also a good idea the other way round in cases like this.

I'd take the mobile home and sell it. To clear some debt. Them work hard to pay it off. Do the same with the car too. Get them off your land. I'm afraid you have spoiled her.

It sounds like really it is you that owns the home she is living in and could evict her rather than trying to get her to pay what she had agreed to pay?

It does read like she has a personality disorder? She is alienating the people in her life from each other and causing mayhem in their places of work ect. It may be hard to accept because she is your daughter and you obviously have done everything to help her but you may be too close to see that this is more than bad behaviour and there may be a more serious underlying problem at play. You should get some professional advice.

Op, you have made a grave mistake trying to help her. Stop helping her, she is becoming worse because she doesn’t respect you whatsoever.

Do one thing at a time. Start with the car, it’s the easiest one. Take the car back, sell the car and settle the loan.

Secondly if you are close to retirement can you just default on the house loan and they can repossess it? It would be easier than trying to evict her I am sorry to say. Yes you would take the hit on your credit rating but that’s better than the alternative. You can give them two weeks notice to pay in full or it defaults. Ditto the utilities to service their house. She has decided you will pay for the house op, and her car, she feels entitled to your money.

Look up narcissistic disorder - it sounds like this is her issue.

Wow. All this and you gave her the money to build a house on your land.

You've enabled her all the way to this point so there's no incentive for her to even try to change - which would likely be an uphill task at this point.

Do you have other children?

She sounds wild. What do you think her side of the story would sound like? Start there and see if there is any common ground between you.

You have made her into an entitled brat. You allowed her to have a car she stopped paying on and live rent free, all the whilst abusing you.
if you want this to stop you have to throw them out, take back the home and the car. You have to be the parent here, not the enabler.

Your daughter is toxic, you and your DH have enabled her because you’re too frightened to say no! She escalates her horrific behaviour, tries to ruin your reputation, tries to get you sacked from work and threatens to walk away from you. You knew full well she wouldn’t pay up, she has done it many times in the past!
All this guilt, fear you feel to provide her with everything she demands, only goes one way. She wouldn’t piss on you both if you were on fire, she’d be too busy planning how to spend her inheritance.
You can’t change her but you can stop your behaviour. Kick her out and either rent out or sell the mobile property you have bought. Let her manage her own life, so when she needs a car or homeless, she has to sort it out herself, instead of you running about to pay for everything! You need to cut the apron strings instead of being Disney parents, if she tries to ruin your reputation, let her! Anyone else who steps in to help her out will soon see her for what she is.
You need to see a solicitor, I take it she hasn’t signed anything about repayments or have a rental agreement from you? Kick her out and off your property. If she causes damage or starts being threatening, call the police.
You have to start tough love, she is never going to be a loving person, will always be toxic, so you have H have to put boundaries down. You both are enabling her to be a not starter, who doesn’t learn to face consequences or to manage her own problems.

I despair of threads like this. From her teen years she has behaved really badly, yet you continued to shower her with two cars, a house, pay her debts, you take loans to give money to her, and you compromise your mortgage and retirement for her.
she interferes in your job, her partner's job, she writes vile messages to you, she trashes you in your village, she contacts your boss and tries to fuck up your work, she and her partner calls you both disgusting names ... and yet you ask if you should cut her off?

Why keep enabling her ?

I would send her an email detailing All you have done for her, the cars, the loans, the house, the reduced bills, and set out the vile stuff she has done to you....
Tell her she will always be your daughter but you will not accept this anymore, and that the door is open if she and her partner refrains from the vile behaviour shown before but she is on her own

Unfortunately, I agree that it sounds like your daughter has some kind of undiagnosed personality disorder and I don’t think your gentle parenting with zero consequences has helped, especially on the financial front. Your daughter has learnt she can get away without paying back what she owes and unless you put your foot down, this is only going to get worse. Please make a stand and good luck!

Just want to say that you sound like a lovely, caring and supportive mum.
Unfortunately your daughter isn't able to appreciate that.
You are right to want to put and end to the way she treats you.
I agree you may need a solicitors help here.
And maybe get some emotional support for yourself too.

You have the perfect excuse to stop this awful behaviour from your daughter. She wants no relationship with you - so you ask her when the debt will be cleared, when the mobile home is being moved and inform her that the utilities will be switched on on X date. Stop being a doormat. She can't complain about any of that - she wants no relationship doesn't she??

I’m so sorry OP. You sound lovely and this must be heartbreaking.
Can you cut off electricity and internet? You can tell her first (she won’t see it if she’s blocked you but a note through the door).

Sounds like she has some sort of personality disorder. How old is she? She needs to grow the fuck up and start being an adult. Don’t pander to any more of her shit! I would cut her off before she run me into the ground. She sounds toxic!

Take the mobile home back to clear the debt. You shouldnt of done it after the car but you live and learn. Dont give her any drama just take it back and say clearly its because theyve not paid. You must stop pandering - youve created a monster unfortunately.

She sounds really difficult to deal with...I'm surprised you decided on this set up with the loan and living situation. It's really fairly serious harassment isn't it. I would seek legal mediation.

This is so sad. You have gone above and beyond but it sounds like she has some kind of personality disorder.

She treats you terrible and it seems like she does a lot of projecting, telling others they’re toxic and that it’s all about money with you when she is utterly toxic and it’s all about money with her.

You need to pursue getting your money back and I think find a way for them to leave. The partner sounds like a victim of emotional abuse.

Do they legally own the home? Is there anything actually legally binding regarding paying back/ defaulting? Because if not again you’ll be paying for it and she want. If you’re being consistently verbally and financially abused, why not go no contact and evict?

Speak to her husband. Say enough is enough. Talk to his parents. Say you are worried about him and explain the situation with the loan. Say you intend to get it back and give a heads up that it may mean they have to move. Get legal advice. Put boundaries in place and maintain them.

HRTFT but this screamed out from the OP... My only surprise is you continued to go out to bat for her. The only consistency she showed was of having no respect for you.
I'd go as far as to believe she isnt completely responsible for her actions because she was never taught actions have consequences when she was growing up.
Don't they say... Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

What was her childhood like? Did she suffer any kind of trauma - or there may be trauma that you don’t know about?

Well ,you only have yourselves to blame,you have let her walk all over you ,you have continually made your own finances difficult to to make hers easier.
You took loans out ,which she hasn't paid back on cars and a house .
Go to a solicitor and take her to a small claims court for your money to be rapid or the house sold to give you your money back
Get her of your land and out of your house she is in ,which if you had any sense is in your name
The more you give ,the more people take ,sounds like you realised this very late in life
I'm sorry to tell you ,but your DD is not a nice person,she is never going to be the DD you want her to be .
Time to get tough and get your money back

Echoing what others say your going to have to kick her out

also a difficult one but what about her husband sounds like she makes his life hell