Bank of Mum and Dad and disrespect - request they finance their own.

There is no future relationship. I’d kick them out of the mobile home and thus off your land and just ignore them.

I feel for her partner as he’s been manipulated but not much you can do now.

She sounds awful.

That sounds truly horrendous for you! You've had some good advice here, definitely time to get your daughter off your land as she isn't going to change.

You're being abused, and no doubt her boyfriend is too. You mention that he is a lovely fellow - is there a way you could talk to him away from her and try to get him to leave her, so that's at least one less person being subjected to abuse? (Caveat - I don't know enough about abusive relationships to know whether this would end badly for him...perhaps you could talk to his parents?).

Either way, you need to evict her and not have her back...as a parent I know that must be hard, but imagine how she'll be treating you in 20 years time when you're older and less able to push back, if you don't do it now?

You're being too soft. There's love and there's allowing someone to just walk all over you. Speak to a lawyer, get her off your land

I echo the ‘tough love’ sentiment above, wholeheartedly. It’s well overdue in my opinion, what you have enabled, accepted is quite astonishing. Cease engaging/communicating with your daughter and her partner. Approach a solicitor and ask advice for the best way forward.

You are going to have to harden up where daughter and P are concerned, after your years of leniency this will go against your nature, but from what I read it’s the only way. This young couple need a sharp lesson and no mistake.

Do you own their home or did you give them the money to buy it?

You have explained the nature of the problem very well OP and you sound like such loving and caring parents.

Sadly, it sounds as if your DD really does have a personality disorder of the type where she is very unlikely to correct or help herself and likely to continue lambasting you until you are completely broken financially and emotionally.
You can’t let that happen.
This must be crushing for you to realise. I’m so sorry.

It means the only recourse is to save yourself financially by any means you can and to protect yourself from any further contact with her for now, until you have managed to evict her from your land and they are both working full time to pay their own way. You need legal advice to guide you through that.

If, by cutting her off financially and emotionally, you can manage to get her working full time to support herself, then you will have done her a great service even if it’s at the expense of your relationship with her.

At that point, much further down the line, when you are financially secure and separate from her, you could reconsider your relationship with her again. But for now, you must save yourselves as a priority. Please get legal help as soon as you can. You can’t deal with this without professional guidance.

This is hard to accept, but she will never change.

I am related to someone like this and she would quite happily see her parents living on the street if she got what she wanted out of them (her lifestyle fully funded by them, no need to work, her every whim met with approval no matter how bonkers it is). I was angry at her parents for accepting this treatment but they are being abused and don't feel they can do anything about it. She is nasty and spreads stories about them claiming she is a victim. It gets worse every year.

Honestly, all you can do is cut her off, weather the storm and save yourself, your partner and any other kids you might have.

You have 3 distinct issues you need to make some decisions about. They are related, but each is important on its own.
You don’t need to answer these for us, I’m just suggesting you think about these things.

1. what happens to you financially if she never pays you back anything else and these debts become solely your problem? How bad of an issue is will that be? Do you have any legal recourse to force her to pay the debt or is your only method to mitigate your losses by repossessing whatever property is legally in your name?
2. what responsibility do you still feel at this point to trying to reach her to be a better person and more fiscally responsible? Do you recognize that by loaning her money you are actually sabotaging her in a way?
3. do you personally need to prioritize keeping relationship at any cost or are you ready to deal with the fallout of putting your foot down? This is the tough love moment where the parent hopes the child will learn their lesson, grow up, and recognize that the choices were made for a reason. It doesn’t always work out though.

Is the movable house and / or the car in your name ?

You 💯 need to start reclaiming / reselling them now if possible.

You’re not going to get your money back now but unfortunately I think that’s the price you pay for believing that someone who has never been financially responsible would suddenly become financially responsible. You can however find peace and have much less stress in your life by removing her from your land. Serve her an eviction notice and if she’s not made arrangements to move then follow through with whatever legal steps are necessary to get her off. You might feel that’s harsh but you’d be doing her a favour if there’s any chance of her finally growing up and taking responsibility. While she’s allowed to do as she pleases and have you pick up the pieces she has no motivation to change.

The auto-numbering went wrong in my previous post, sorry!

Tough love that’s what you do

evict from the mobile home then sell it and repay what you can in the loans.

do not give them any more money. Be prepared to get lawyers involved if she trashes you on social media

she sounds narcissistic and won’t change

Do see a solicitor to check whether you can gain possession of it. I have a horrible feeling that it's in her name, but I'm wondering whether you have enough proof that she's supposed to be paying you back.

If the loan on the home is not in the daughter's name then couldn't the OP just stop paying it? I mean it's going to jack up their credit of course, but the bank will eventually take it back.

It sounds as though the residence is one of those portable granny flats that some people have installed in their garden? Something like an iHus?

Do see a solicitor to check whether you can gain possession of it. I have a horrible feeling that it's in her name, but I'm wondering whether you have enough proof that she's supposed to be paying you back.

If it's worst case scenario and you can't establish ownership, I'd be telling her to move the residence - at least that way you wouldn't be subsidising her utilities.

This sounds like a long-standing pattern of emotional, financial, and psychological abuse, not a communication issue to be solved with scripts or mediation. When abuse is this entrenched, clarity and detachment — not compromise — become essential.

Consult a solicitor immediately. Meanwhile, send this letter to your daughter. She will escalate once you send it. Document and save everything. Only respond through your solicitor.

To:
[Your Daughter’s Full Name]
[Her Partner’s Full Name]
[Address – or simply “Currently residing on our property”]

Subject: Formal Notice – Financial Liability, Property Occupation, and Conduct

Dear [Daughter’s Name] and [Partner’s Name],
This letter serves as formal notice regarding three matters of pressing concern: (1) the financial liability you currently owe, (2) your continued occupation of our land, and (3) the nature of your communications with us. All three require immediate resolution.

1. Mortgage and Outstanding Financial Agreement

We are no longer in a position to absorb the consequences of your defaults. We therefore require that you seek independent finance in your own names to clear the balance in full. If this is not possible, we expect a formal repayment plan to be proposed in writing. Please confirm how you intend to proceed by [insert deadline – e.g. 14 June 2025]. If no confirmation is received, we will begin the process of recovering the debt through appropriate channels.

1. Occupation of Our Land and Use of Utilities

We require one of the following by [insert date, e.g. 4 July 2025]:

• A signed written agreement setting out financial contributions, occupancy terms, and a fixed end date;
• or
• Confirmation of your intention to vacate and remove the property.

1. Ongoing Conduct and Communications

Going forward, all communication must be in writing and strictly limited to matters relating to finances and property.

We have acted in good faith over many years. Unfortunately, your continued pattern of entitlement, manipulation, and aggression has left us with no choice but to protect our home, our finances, and our peace of mind. This letter establishes our position clearly and in writing. You are advised to treat it with the seriousness it warrants.

Yours sincerely,
[Your Full Name]
[Spouse’s Full Name]

You need legal advice to see if you can enforce the payments or sell their home. I’d no longer trust to have a relationship with her and would want her to leave - she’s going to keep on messing up and you can’t save her and need to think of yourselves.

You may be able to rent out the property in future which should hopefully ease the financial strain.

She sounds like she has a personality disorder, and you need to protect yourself from her, to the best of your abilities. Not only financially, but emotionally and even physically. As you've admitted, you haven't handled her well in the past, so I'd seek outside, perhaps professional assistance going forward.

I'm sorry, but I can't see her ever changing for the better, not at this point in her life.

@Mumofadultkid

Frankly, she's abusing you and your DH. You're absolutely entitled to 'make yourselves safe' in any way you need to in order to have peaceful lives.

She has said she wants 'no relationship' with you. Fine. Give her exactly what she wants. Block her and get her off your property. The Bank of Mum & Dad is now closed, permanently.

I assume this 'home' on your property is solely in your names since you got the mortgage? If so, I'd begin eviction proceedings immediately. If her name is on it, you need to see a solicitor to see what you can do about possibly having it
removed from your property.

At a minimum, she doesn't get to stay on your property. That's asinine. I don't even know how she thinks that would work.

It seems like she doesn't really get along with anyone which makes me wonder if she's ever had any type of professional mental health assistance.

I would speak to a solicitor and get advice on evicting them in a completely by-the-book way as a starting point. Don't cut corners or give her any room to argue you're doing things unfairly/improperly re eviction.

You may have had good intentions when you made the deal with her but given her behavioural history, it's actually harmed her. She needs to learn independence, and that abusive behaviour carries consequences.

Don't be swayed by any late apologies or promises to make payments again. The only hope of her changing her ways is total independence and learning the value of money.

So essentially they're living in a home that you own? Do you have any written agreement for them paying you back the mortgage or any kind of tenancy agreement?
You need legal advice and you need to evict them. I doubt they'll go quietly so you may even need to inform the police when you serve eviction.
Your relationship with your daughter is beyond saving at this point. She seems to have complex mental health issues.
It's really about limiting the damage to your lives now.

Visit an accountant together.
Have her hear the cold hard facts from a professional.

Is it a static caravan type thing they live in on your land? How does that work in terms of ownership? Can you actually evict them? Or legally do they own it but you are on the finance agreement for it?

I think given everything you've done for her and just all the hurt coming back... If it were me I'd look for a paradigm shift and make clear an intent to step back support and arrange some distance in living arrangements.