Family finances how annoyed would you be

Holidays, meals out and costs associated with the children come out of the shared account. They are family expenses. So you both increase your contribution to cover the estimated annual cost of all of these things. Anything less is financial abuse.

What is he contributing to your marriage? He should shape up or get out. You'd be no worse off, just have 1 less baby to deal with

I would take a friend before I took a twat like that. See how much he "doesn't want to go" once he sees you paying for a friend and not him!

As for the wedding just dig in and pay for not one thing. Not a dress, shoe or gift. He pays for it all or you are not going.

This man is a cunt.

I’m so sick of reading on here about decent women being lumbered with truly shit men.

I don’t get it when people are married and don’t just stick all their money in one account (if they trust each other - I know this isn’t a given…) or at least have an account that pays for everything that is a shared expense.

does he have a gambling problem?
odd there is no money at the end of the month but not contributing equally.

I know you’ve said that you need him for help with the kids and initially I thought, bring someone else like your mum/ a friend-I’d rather pay for them than him.
But my second thought was what kind of relationship is it if you’re even contemplating that.

Honestly, he’s taking you for a mug. If you LTB, at least you’ll receive mandatory maintenance for the stuff you’re currently paying for.

This makes no sense, you both earn the same doesn't it all just go into a joint accounts and then amounts put aside for, mortgage, bills, childcare, car costs, holidays etc that's what we do

What is the actual point of him?

Why haven't you asked him to contribute towards the children's expenses before this? Why isn't he putting more money in the joint account to cover that? Have you tried to discuss this in the past with him?
I suspect you have and he gets angry or you've never tried because you fear his reaction.
Which makes me think this is actually abusive. And/or he's got an addiction to something because where is his money going?

He must have a stash, he's doing something with it.

This is so bizarre. I'd understand.if you were just dating and no kids being like this but your married and have kids. It defies belief that you don't know where his money goes and seem to allow this to continue. Marriage is sharing everything and I get in some cases its done differently but here he's not even attempting to be in a partnership. He is fully out OP financially and maybe in otherwise if he's that much if a awful person and doing nothing. What does he bring to the table - nothing- how does he add anything good to your life? --nothing. Get rid of him or get counseling to see if it's salvageable.

we have separate finances own wages no shared finances. Mine is mine , his is his but
joint mortgage pro rata to salary
joint acc for childcare, utilities,holidays, trips
jointly pay into a shared account for family expenditures a just in case fund
separate finances is achievable and fair but all joint costs need to be shared

This just isn't right. If you earn the same you should go halves on everything that you both benefit from like things for the children and the holidays. Then whatever you each have left, which should be roughly the same, can be for personal use. Its a really unfair arrangement and needs to be nipped in the bud ASAP. It doesn't sound like he is easy to reason with though but you have to stand your ground otherwise it will just manifest in deep resentment and worst case scenario, possibly end of marriage.

I’m guessing you have been together a long time and things have got progressively worse. Yes, seems easy to give the advice of pooling wages and paying all joint expenses, holidays, meals out from this pot but he has got so used to domineering and controlling you that it will never work. He is using you as a free meal ticket and that is not acceptable under any circumstance. What is he doing with his cash!!! Only way forward here is to try some type of mediation but unless you are on a very low monthly wage this can be expensive. He needs to really see things from your point of view and how you are feeling mentally and emotionally as well as physically (knackered and no cash). Do any of your close friends know what is going on, could anyone help you both sit down together and do an honest review of past few months expenditure. Think you really need to know where his cash is going (affair, child from previous relationship, secret stash) as his lack of empathy for you and what is going on is really quite astounding.

Have a saving account for holiday you both put in same every month and if he doesn't put in 50% "because he doesn't have it" then you don't have it the next month...just match his input, if it's not enough for the holiday don't go.
And tell him he needs to pay towards his children too...if he doesn't have it yet you on same salary do what's he doing with his money?

Your problem is your sketchy man. You record conversations because you don’t trust him. He gets away with what you let him, you’ve unwittingly became complicit in his fuckery

what does he bring to the relationship? Is he kind?thoughtful?supportive?
Why is he skint?

I wouldn’t allow this to happen in the first place - how have you? Do you not have a conversation before going on holiday about where you’re going and who’s paying for what? Or is it that he doesn’t want to go so you just book it?

Either way I don’t understand why you’d just fork out each time and continue doing it? Why?

It’s not a fair set up, you’ve raised things with him and he won’t engage as an adult. You can’t reason with someone like this. Whatever you say, he’ll have some nonsense to say in reply. It’s like hitting your head against a wall. Pointless. Both of you paying for kids stuff and sharing household work is a basic bottom line expectation for a partner and father. He can’t manage that nor have conversations that don’t result in him somehow throwing everything back on you. You are questioning your own instinct that his behaviour is completely unreasonable. I’d honestly start considering your options. Best wishes x

tell him he isn’t coming on the holiday.

Leave him.

What are you staying for? He'll not change.

Why?????!!!!!!!

At the very least, I'd tell him he can pay for the wedding by himself because you're not paying a penny for it.

so the issue is that he doesn’t want to go in holidays with you and the kids. You have it.

Honestly, he doesn’t seem to be a prize. But exhaustion can have the best of us. Try and put some boundaries not for the wedding next year, change your budget now.

He's spending his money elsewhere, or squirrelling it away ( other woman , gambling or planning an exit).