Family finances how annoyed would you be

Jesus OP grow some balls!

That’s why DH and I have one account. I couldn’t be doing with all this crap!

There seems to be a lot of men out there who really do not like their wives and kids at all. I think they like the aesthetic of having a family, because it makes them look like totally normal people, but the actual reality they hate. This man sounds like a very nasty piece of work. OP your life will be so much easier if you get rid of the overgrown child.

Why does he have no money left at the end of the month? Is he sticking it all in his pension (at your expense)?

i guess if you get child benefit he thinks that will be paying for clothes and bits.talk to him.

@VivIsBlonde do you have the same amount of savings? Is there a reason you only pay towards the children? I always feel that perpetuates the myth that everything to do with children, including parenting, is the woman’s role

Do what we do!
He pays every single bill and I pay for everything for the children and we pay half each for our holidays!
What ever is left goes into our own individual savings accounts!

Also, I have no idea why so many men on these threads do not do childcare or share the household chores. Why is there such a low bar?

I agree. It's very strange to me because if you're married, it's a joint endeavour in every sense, especially if you have children. We had a joint account from the get go. It's one pot. That's it. It has worked perfectly well for over 30 years.

Men who used to pay for their children's and wives' clothes and outings historically (I can feel how much you miss the fifties here) did not do all the cleaning, cooking, etc. etc.

Girls and boys trips are out of the question if you are in a relationship, otherwise stay single? More fifties nostalgia here. ..Time travel, anyone?

I'm sorry OP, you should be investing your money on therapy. Why do you pay for all the children's clothes, outing, etc, plus HIS holidays, and you do everything around the house? Is he a Brad Pitt with a giant d*?? Your problem is low self-esteem. If you don't stop this now, it's your own fault, I'm afraid.

Never book another holiday for him. Give him an invoice for half his children's clothes, outings, etc. Stop washing his clothes, etc. If you don't change, he won't. The question is: why are you allowing this?

I honestly don’t understand this approach to finances when you live together and have children. Everything should just go in one pot.

Which men (for millenia) have been tolerating a woman paying for half the bills but nothing towards the kids expenses, while he pays for half the bills, plus all of the kids expenses, plus he has to do all of the cooking, cleaning and washing etc? 🤔🤔🤔

You said household costs are 50/50.
They are your children are part of the household. The children's expenses need to be included.

I could not be married to a man like this. Hes tight, selfish, a bad husband and father and content to freeload off you. Why are you still with him??

Take a relative or a friend on holiday with you @worriedmum8686

This is not OK. Can you start writing down all the extras that you pay for that he hasn’t contributed to and show him? He goes on holidays with his mates and leaves you with the children, can you do the same with your friends, even if it’s for a weekend? I think you need to have a serious conversation with him and if he kicks off let him know in no uncertain terms how unreasonable he’s being.

If he “bites your head off” when you bring it up he’s a bully and trying to control you so you stop bringing up things he doesn’t want to discuss so he can continue to get away with it.

Absolutely. When I just lived with him, we had separate finances at first, but it gets awkward sorting out holidays, kid stuff etc, and so many people end up in situations like OP describes. I know some people have a joint account and then separate ones for each person's "fun" money, but again, that can be unfair, if one person's taken time out of work/reduced hours or refused promotions to do more with the kids. We just talk about any extra unusual expenses, like holidays, things the kids want and non-essential clothes for us before we buy (like most of us, sadly we don't have the disposable income to buy all we want, but at least this way it's fair because it's not always one person feeling put-upon.

It seems that his money is his, and if you want the pleasure of his company on holidays, you have to pay for him.

Are you sure he's worth it?

Yes, I get that. That doesn’t go against what I said though - your children weren’t a shared expense.

You need to know where his earnings are going and work on a family budget that includes everything. Is he paying for the cars to be serviced/new tyres, that type of thing?

our friends separated last year but haven’t done property settlement. One of them recently said to me they had enough of the other one because that person was using their petrol when mowing the lawns… 🤷‍♀️

I'm a very old person with outdated views apparently but I don't understand a marriage where there is a concept of 'my money' and 'their money'. Even if you aren't religious don't the concepts of sickness, health and worldly goods apply ?

All money needs to be allocated each month, somewhere and once bill's and all extra funds for holidays are covered then he can have his personal spends

I’d end the relationship and make him pay.
Id rather pay to take someone else on holiday for help than him.