Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family finances how annoyed would you be

392 replies

worriedmum8686 · 03/06/2025 23:06

myself and DH have three primary school aged kids. both work full time and earn the same salary. The mortgage and household bills are split 50:50

everything else I pay for
childrens activities
clothes for the children
days out for the children
if we go out for food he looks at me to pay

but what has really annoyed me me this year is that he hasn't paid anything towards our family holiday. It has cost £6000 for 11 days at peak time and he has honestly given me nothing towards it. I paid for the flights, accommodation, car hire and all the kids clothes for going on holiday. He however went on a boys trip in April for four days that cost £1500 had no issue finding the money for that. As I've been paying off the holiday when I ask him what he plans to give towards it he bites my head off so I have just stopped. I also brought the five of us to Disneyland in September as I had came into some money that just about covered it again he didn't even give towards the spending money.

when we are talking with family or friends he doesn't I'll say about how much we have spent on these things. Or jobs aren't great either just your average income

OP posts:
Mama2many73 · 03/06/2025 23:21

Personally couldn't live like this, as a pp said all money goes central and everything comes from that.

However if you do have Separate money everything should be shared equally and ghat includes a FAMILY holiday.
He is an arsehole but you are enabling him by agreeing to it!!

Vaxtable · 03/06/2025 23:21

You are letting him get away with it
time for a conversation and you tell
him he is now paying half for his kids work out roughly how much you spend each month and he pays half

likewise when you book holidays you get his half up front or you don’t go. And if the kids say anything you just say speak to your dad

Time for him to step up

Original poster
worriedmum8686 · 03/06/2025 23:20

No I do the school run because his commute is longer

I do all the cooking, cleaning, washing I am really feeling burnt out. He tells me that he has no money left at end of the month.

OP posts:
babyproblems · 03/06/2025 23:18

You’re married so this is madness. Design a new budget and tell him this is what’s happening. If he doesn’t like it, he has. I respect for you and doesn’t see you as his equal. In which case I’d be filing for a divorce!

LittleGreenDragons · 03/06/2025 23:18

Things for the children, especially clothing, falls under Bills. Stop paying for it all, they are half his children too.

Gcsunnyside23 · 03/06/2025 23:16

He's shit but you're letting him away with it. Sit down and make a full list of the family expenditures including what should be saved toward holidays, presents, saved etc and then Split it. Everything else you keep. Finances can't get hidden as it breeds resentment when it's not fair and it most definitely isn't fair. Why are you paying more?? Does he participate in chores and life admin etc? All you I'd bet not

Aoppley · 03/06/2025 23:15

Do you earn a lot more than him?

If not, tell him he owes you £3000 for the holiday and either he pays or he doesn't get to come. He also needs to pay 50% towards the kids' things. Why don't you open a shared account where you put X amount of money into every month, depending on how much you earn (eg. If you earn 50k and he learns 25k, you'd put in twice as much), and use that to pay for everything for the family? Then your personal accounts you'd just use for yourselves.

OneFootInTheDave · 03/06/2025 23:14

FGS stop paying for him!

Why on earth are you accepting this!?

Original poster
worriedmum8686 · 03/06/2025 23:14

I need his help with the kids on holiday or I wouldn't book him on. There is a big family wedding for his side next year and I've told him he can book it all I'm refusing

OP posts:
MigGril · 03/06/2025 23:14

Don't take him on holiday next time, if he asks why he isn't coming tell him you can't afford to pay for him as well as everyone else.

notacooldad · 03/06/2025 23:11

It would annoy me if I had to pay for certain things and dh had to pay for certain things.
We are in a partnership so everything goes into a pot and pays the bills, goes into savings and everything else thar needs financing.
Over the years this has worked because it's a constant. Some years I have earned more others years he has . Money in one pot and the dividing prevented squabbles about who should pay more, who needs to put more in the pot etc.

AuntMarch · 03/06/2025 23:11

I'm all for having separate money. But I'd have a joint account too for children's expenses and holidays - why have you been footing the bill for it all?!

verycloakanddaggers · 03/06/2025 23:10

I don't understand why you go along with these financial arrangements.

You don't have to include him in the holidays.

Supersimkin7 · 03/06/2025 23:09

Nip this one in the bud.

CF at work. No holidays for him till
he pays his way, and his children’s.

IamSmarticus · 03/06/2025 23:09

YABU for putting up with it! I wouldn't be booking any more holidays, well not for him anyway.

2024onwardsandup · 03/06/2025 23:08

Why would you put up with this? Bet you do all the laundry and cleaning too.

he’s a shit but you are complicit in the arrangement

BobbleHatsRule · 03/06/2025 23:08

Why are you allowing this?

Swipe left for the next trending thread