My son hates being short.

I’ve two different sides to this, one son’s best friend had a huge growth spurt at 16, on the other side of it another has a friend who was always small, always commenting on it and then ds said the boy just suddenly said he was fed up of worrying and thinking about it when other stuff was going on (school and just life I think). He’s now one of the chattiest lads I know. Tell your son there’s plenty of tall single boys out there, and height honestly doesn’t matter, life, work, study, fun matters.

My suggestions would be

• Go ahead and see the doctor, at least to make him feel better.
• Get him out and socialising as much as possible. Clubs, sports, let him have friends round etc.
• Encourage him/dad/other male relatives to spend as much time together as possible.

Short men often do very well with women, but they rely on personality and charm which you can only build through socialising. Easier to charm the girls if you are meeting them in person too.

@Chickensky
"Please instil confidence into your son! Continue to focus on his good qualities, his humour, his social skills. He will end up the height he is meant to be, and actually ,it is meaningless in the grand scheme of adult life if he is well rounded and confident. I would avoid doctors etc as this would undermine that confidence."
Your advice is spot on and half the time I convince my son it doesn't matter. But then on a day when a kid has pressed down on his head or called him tiny or said nasty things about his height he can't quite hear me. I tell him the greatest quality is kindness. I love him to bits and I remind him . We remind him how clever and funny and kind he is. But it's heartbreaking when it's making him so sad. Will keep working with him on his confidence

I’ll also add that our DS is taller than both of of us, and our DD is the same height as he is.

I know genetics play a role but I thought they can prescribe growth hormones to boost height? Or is that only to bring on puberty. I am asking as mum of 7 year old boy who often comes home crying that he is short. Other kids bully him for it. The teacher doesn't do anything about the bullying and it breaks my heart. Am the short one in the parentage so I feel guilty.. We do tell him there is nothing wrong with being short and talk of role models that are short but it still bothers him when kids take a micky or when he can't go on certain ride based on height. My heart bleeds sometimes

My son is shorter than all his friends and refers to himself as being short. He’s 5ft 6 at 16. The GP told him that boys generally aren’t considered to be considered adult height until 21 these days as research has shown that some boys do keep growing up to this point. It gave him some hope. According to the height calculators online his average adult height is likely to be between 5ft 8in and 5ft 10in. I guess time will tell.

My DH is short - 5’5, give or take. He’s also extremely handsome, strong, masculine, and is a boss of over 1000 people in a male-dominated industry. I was instantly attracted to him - his height meant little to me (I’m about the same height). Other qualities are much more important in a partner.

My brother was also quite short until he was 16, then had a growth spurt and he’s now about 6’2 - so perhaps your DS’ growth is still yet to occur.

"Do you have the red book still with growth measurements from when he was small? Some reasonably accurate predictions for adult height can be made from that if you kept recording his height through his early years, assuming no other health issues and good nutrition"

Your response is confusing to me. I agree op should not be even worried about dating apps for her 14 year old!!

However, who is charting this stuff in terms of the red book at this age!? My DS was prem and I threw the book out! It was the same with his countless milestones he missed but eventually it caught up. He's now a very much above average height (probably genetics as you point out) but REALLY!

@MacmillanDo Please instil confidence into your son! Continue to focus on his good qualities, his humour, his social skills. He will end up the height he is meant to be, and actually ,it is meaningless in the grand scheme of adult life if he is well rounded and confident. I would avoid doctors etc as this would undermine that confidence.

He may well still have a growth spurt, which to be honest society teaches our boys to look forward to as part of puberty. It will happen at some stage but it doesn't mean it will make him as tall as he wants to be.

My above average height child recently "lost out" to a very sparky shorter chap on his girlfriend (None of this was about height, by the way, it was more just normal relationship finding on youngsters, I just don't think most people care on reality). Confidence goes a long way.

Yes short men do their children a disservice by seeking women even shorter than them because this just compounds the problem for the next generation by entrenching those genes, unfortunately

@InsomniacSloth compounds what problem?! It's a completely fabricated issue based on nothing at all. It's not a disability. It's not a disorder. There's no concrete evidence to even suggest height has any bearing on longevity - if anything, there's data to suggest being taller could put you at greater risk of certain illnesses.

advice on how they coped with it?? What? Coped with what? Being a bit less tall??

All these things create an issue for him & then if he 'foolishly' procreates with a diminutive woman he can pass all his insecurities on to his inevitably short son?

My son is short and slight compared to other boys his age, he is also a bit socially awkward (neurodivergent) and pays absolutely no attention to haircuts, fashion etc. He is smart, loyal and funny though, and has a serious girlfriend now at 18.
Tell your son to focus on the things he can control, whether that's feeling good about his body via the gym, working on hobbies, having a good friend circle, achieving his goals whether they are academic, sporty etc.
Certain 'red pilled' men are convinced that women only care about finances and height but as we all know, women like nice guys with a good personality.

Yes short men do their children a disservice by seeking women even shorter than them because this just compounds the problem for the next generation by entrenching those genes, unfortunately.

These heights are significantly lower than average for the OP’s likely age group and that of her husband. The national averages are still skewed by older people who were significantly smaller due to malnutrition etc so the average height has risen significantly over the decades.

The comments re. Filtering on dating sites are a bit silly. I mean, what is the point in people wasting time talking to someone they simply won’t find attractive? Everyone has different preferences in many ways - physical or otherwise - for dating and it’s a waste of time for both people to invest time in talking/ meeting while hiding something that fundamentally may not work for the other one. What would be the point? Dating isn’t something you can try to regulate with some kind of equal opportunities policy! OP’s son no doubt will want to find someone who loves him exactly as he is and doesn’t consider his height a drawback.

OP - he is only 14, so may just be starting his growth spurt to adult height? Perhaps he will be an outlier and become much taller than would be predicted given both of your heights, although perhaps unwise given his low height and your low height for you and your husband to marry each other if having taller children was an important thing to you!

Do you have the red book still with growth measurements from when he was small? Some reasonably accurate predictions for adult height can be made from that if you kept recording his height through his early years, assuming no other health issues and good nutrition.

If his growth has slowed significantly or isn’t following the expected path then seek medical advice. But if he’s just small because both of his parents are under-average height then that may just be the genetics you’ve passed on to him, particularly if your extended families are also generally very small people.

Do you have other small males in your family like your husband who could offer him some advice about how they coped with it, if he doesn’t want to talk to his Dad about it much?

Ultimately some girls will care about it and others won’t, so try to build his confidence and ensure he doesn’t develop “small man syndrome” and become obnoxious and resentful/ defensive about it because that will limit his dating options far more than his height. And discourage him from going for even smaller girls than him because that’ll simply make the genetic situation even worse for his own children!

I couldn't agree more! Who dictates these boxes we should all fit into.

The last part of your post is really sad to me. Don't wish for him to be something he's no control over - can you imagine if he somehow found out you were crossing your fingers he'd grow some more? How he'd feel?

Would you, of daughters, say 'oh I do hope her boobs get bigger'?

Tell him that the best things come in small packages.
Remind him that plenty of lovely women are short.

Get him involved in a team sports and games where height is not a factor - Soccer, Medievil Games, Brass Band, Gymnastics, Equestrian, Kayaking KX-1, Cooking and BBQ, Orienteering and Rogaining, Duke of Edinburgh Award, Surfing, Bouldering..
Help his mind be on things other than his physique, more on forming caring social relationships, survival and outdoor skills and enjoying his own company.

Also, my DS only just had his big growth spurt age 15. He has friends who haven't hit full on puberty yet, who are nearing 16. There's definitely time!

I think he needs reassurance to accept his natural height not to be taken to the doctors.
My ds is 19, 5ft 7 and about 9 stone. He appears to have no difficulties with girls!

What would be the response if a mother was to make a similar post about her daughter's weight? The hypocrisy about male height that is on social media these days comes from a lot of western women and is not called out at all. I come from a continent of shorties - Asia- and our men are smart and gorgeous. Tell your son he has plenty of options and he best avoid the shallow, vapid girls fixated on height.

Tell him that that I'll bet the real link between height and perceived desirability is not height, but height-related lack of confidence.

He needs to just not give a shit and own it. People who take the mick stop it when they see you don't care, most of the time. Confidence will also help girls overlook his height. It won't help with Tinder but that isn't the only way to meet people.

If you can get him in to any activity out of school, with different people and friendship groups, it might also help make him more resilient to any teasing in school.

I sympathise op, I have 2 DS one is around 5’10/11 and the other is 5’7. They are very close in age, the shorter DS is 18 and I have no idea why he hasn’t grown. You just can never tell, I am 5’7 and dad 6 ft but I also have other dd’s who are very short around 5’2 so who knows 🤷🏼‍♀️. At 18, I am hoping that he will grow a bit more as I have heard boys can grow until around 20🤞.

I’m 5’2” and my husband’s 5’7”. Our two adult sons are 5’10” and 6’2”. August born DS2 was always one of the shortest in his year until he was about 17 then he shot up and didn’t stop growing until he was 21. I’m just looking at a photo of his 13 birthday and at that age he only came up to my shoulders so quite a bit shorter than your son is now at 14. There’s every chance that your son might be the same, as DS2 is taller than everyone else in the family dispute having parents of below average height.

There’s time for him to grow. 14 was about the age my son had a huge growth spurt. At 14 he was under 5ft. He now nearly 16 and 5ft 6 and has grown at least 4 shoe sizes in 2 years 😡
Think boys grow well into late teens.

I think its more that he wants a girlfriend, and is finding a reason as to why this is.

Rather than going down the private medical path (his height sounds fine) have a few sessions with a counsellor with and without his parents to help him understand why he feels inferior to other men.

It isn't irrelevant what height he is now. He has a good few years to grow taller.

I come from a tall family, the women have virtually all reached their adult height by 13. The men grow a little later, usually between 14 and 15, and the tallest have a second growth spurt around 17/18. Lots of short boys in my primary class ended up taller than me (5'9") by the time we left school. It's tricky being non-average when you're a teenager.

Imagine how short she’d be if she didn’t swim!