My son hates being short.

i’m 5’9 and had a boyfriend who I guess was 5 2 or 3 (It never occurred to me to ask, because it is irrelevant). I completely adored him because he is an amazing person! We aren’t together any more but he is still my friend.

Your son can choose to be sullen and resentful over his height, or he can realise that nobody worth knowing cares how tall he is. In a way, it will be good because he will quickly separate the wheat from the chaff.
Even if we accept his height is ‘an issue’, and obviously I don’t, he has to either rise to the challenge or crumple up and waste his life moaning about something irrelevant.

People can not want to date people for all sorts of reasons. I am a very tall woman and have only had very tall partners because I never ever felt "girly" enough as a young woman and heard a lot of negative comments about my height growing up which impacted my self-esteem. I'm not sure that seems me unworthy of respect!

OP it can be difficult growing up for those who are on the edges of normal - both sides! However, it's absolutely at its worst at your son's age. You care so much less as you get older and have other things to worry about.

I am a teacher and have definitely noticed some boys get lots taller in their final school years. I also know lots of short young men who always have a girlfriend on their arm. It's definitely more about confidence than height.

I don’t think you ought to be worrying. Given that you’re both short, he’s likely to be short too.

My DH was barely 5’ tall when he turned 14, so 2.5 inches shorter than your son. His father is 5’10’’ and his mother’s 5’8’’ (poor childhood diets, too), so I have to imagine that this was relatively more concerning. He was also unusually thin. I have to say that they did a really good job of never mentioning it, not medicalising it, and not encouraging any particular sports or exercise practices.

He’s now 6’1’’, so it’s only ever something that his old school friends remember. Your son probably won’t be that tall, but he might surprise you. You could reassure him that he has many years of growing left to do! I teach first-year university students and was musing yesterday on how much some of them have grown since last autumn.

Two of the most loving, caring and funny men I have ever met are extremely short. One is my DP, the other is one of my best friends. Neither were short of GFs in their youths, and both are in really happy and stable relationships now.

I also knew one very short man in his early twenties who wasn't especially pleasant, and had a huge chip on his shoulder because of his height. The two very short men I love don't have chips on their shoulders at all It all boils down to personality once you get past school, I think.

I hope your DS comes to terms with his height, regardless of what it ends up being. He's doing everything he can in terms of exercise to help with body image, which is great. Keep an eye on his nutrition, and try and convince him that personality is just as, if not more important than his height.

Thank you for giving his height, it is really helpful. If you could tell us the centile it would be even more helpful.

Because depending on whether he has just turned 14 or is nearly 15, he is between 25th centile and 9th centile.

So while he is at the shorter end of things he not short at all!!
between 1 in 4 and 1 in 10 people his age are shorter than him!

Why are they picking on him? It’s like picking on the size 12 girl for not being a size 6, when there are still loads of size 14 and 16 girls. It doesn’t make sense.

Is this really happening or is he being hyper-sensitive for some reason?

I would be having a really really close look at what he is consuming on social media and find out which friends are obsessing about this.

because this (including going to the GP) is a big overreaction to a complete non-problem .
This is self-confidence issue, not a height issue.

My 17 year old is still small. I think he’s about 5’4. We did go privately for an asssessment and were referred back into the NHS. My sons predicted final height is about 5’8.

if it’s worrying him I would get him checked out. My son had delayed puberty.

Otherwise just keep taking to him. Point out you and his dad are smaller and found each other. 14 is too young for a girlfriend imho anyway!!

My adult son is 5'5. At that age he felt so low about it because he was sure he'd end up without a girlfriend, and he did get a horrible rejection at a party and spent a year or two watching all his friends start dating.

I spent a lot of time chatting to him about it. I made a list of all the celebrities who were his height and successful with beautiful women, or who had long, happy marriages. I explained that while a lot of women go for height, some find a skinny boyish rockstar look attractive, and some find a short stocky muscly man attractive.

I told him a lot of women find confidence and talent the sexiest things. A not very tall, average looking friend of his who had a lot of success with girls kept saying the same thing. We worked on his confidence, on clothes that looked really good on him. And I pointed out he was a really good musician and should join a band.

When he joined OLD he mentioned his height up front and he was amazed he got a lot of interest. Some women love that boyish look and some are sick of macho men. Once he got over his shyness, he honestly hasn't had any problems. He's currently dating a girl who is much taller than him and in the past dated women a bit taller. He just decided it didn't matter and so do they. He is a musician and so tends to move in a slightly alternative, arty crowd where the women don't go for conventional macho men.

I undergrew by over an inch based on that predictor. Given that I'm only 5 ft 2", I feel tragically cheated. 💔

@MacmillanDo six months ago my grandson was smaller than me and I am 5 feet tall. he was just 15 in april and is now 6 inches taller so is still growing. I keep saying he is sleeping in a grobag!

Exactly this. You can’t go to the GP because your son is short. It’s his genetics - he has two shorter than average parents.

As others have said, find out what he’s looking at online.

I'd say that's well within ordinary height given his parents heights. If he seems to have stopped growing/doesn't grow for 6 months for example wirth getting a wee check at GP that growth hormones etc are ok. I wouldn't worry at that height personally about anything health related. I'm 5 foot 4 and have been since I was 11. My family the girls seem to grow fast, early and then just stop. So I was one of the tallest until I was 13 or so then everyone overtook me. My brother on the other hand didn't have a real growth spurt I told he was 16 so he was shorter than me u til then.

If your child, male or female is below the height range for their age, then the talk about nutrition and medical advice is appropriate. If your child is being bullied for something that completely out of their control, the issue is with the bullying, not the characteristeristic that led to the bullying. Attraction and dating preferences are one thing but anyone who fixates on just one issue - height- using it as a filter is pretty shallow and I stand by that comment.

You ask whether you should see a consultant, his height is relevant to that. If he's 5 foot 2 he's probably ok, if he's 4 foot 6 you may want to get him checked over for health.

The 'hes going to the gym and doing what he can' aspect is weird to me. Surely what's important is who he is? That's how people find boyfriends and girlfriends. My brother is 5 foot 7 as an adult, he had girlfriends all through school despite being the shortest of his group of pals. It's the person you are that attracts people. Why are you buying into this idea with him that his appearance is the issue?

Unwillingnes to share his height is so strange if you're this child's mum, because it has, or should have, no bearing on what people think of you or him. Makes me wonder ae you actually the teenager, hoping for some backup from women that women see height as this big, important factor?

To be fair I thought it was about how your son hates being short. Well that's what the title said anyway. I might have misunderstood.

Some women posting on this issue are themselves giant red flags, showing an attitude to male height that is totally cringe. They really seem to think short male height is a disadadvantage or even a disability and play to the worst stereotypes. Toxic social attitudes are not built by just the blowhard criminal Tates of this world. These mothers including OP who display so much anxiety about their sons' height are themselves contributing to their sons' diminishment.

there are observations that exercise (especially impact exercise), diet, overall health can affect growth.
make sure he eats well and gets enough protein.
encourage impact exercise. consider giving vit d3 and iron supplement. multi vit ifhis veg/fruit intake isn't good. let him sleep in at weekends.

but yes, some people are shorter than others. nothing wrong with that.

Show him videos of Rob Burrow when he was playing rugby. That man was a rocket!! 5 foot 5 and my god he used it to his advantage

I hear you and sounds like you are doing a great job. Some pp have said good things come in small packages..and that is true! You don't have to be kind to someone who is upsetting you through a personal insult and so it's ok to not be kind and stand up for yourself. It sounds like you've got this and doing a great job.

My friends son had similar concerns and around 16yo (I think, might have been earlier) his doctor agreed to do a scan and see if the growth plates are fused. Unfortunately his had fused and he didn’t get any taller; guess you can check for that?

Thanks for the info. Am not thinking of growth hormones at the moment. Partly because I think/hope he will he ok. Partly because I read somewhere potentially adverse effects. I am sure/hope he will be shorter than average if his height will be, as predicted between mine and DH's. We just have to cross bridges as they come while giving him the support.

Yes we definitely say to him something is wrong (After all for now, as far as we know its not. Its just people come in different packages as we tell him when he brings it up). I just wish kids were kinder. And that more parents worked more with their kids to be kind, to not bully. Interestingly his best friend is the tallest in the class and that boy is wonderful and kid. He is over 140cm (may be more) I think at 7 years

I’m not sure that instilling the idea that the girls and women women that aren’t/ won’t be attracted to him due to his height are ‘shallow, vapid females’ is going to encourage a healthy attitude towards women tbh. I‘m sure there are and will physical attributes in girls/women that he doesn’t and won’t find attractive, and that’s fine too. Wanting to find a potential partner physically attractive is hardly outrageous.

There will be girls and women that will be attracted to him, and others that won’t be. Equally, there will be girls and women and he won’t find attractive, and others that he will. That’s life. Is he likely to encounter rejection? Absolutely, and that’s true for everyone. What matters is how he handles it, and hopefully it will be without self hatred, and without demonizing the girls/women rejecting him.

Thanks. I meant I tell him people that bully dont have the best qualities because the best quality is kindness. Not that he should be kind to bullies. Some of the bullies are his "friends" so we have talked about finding new friends. That if someone intentionally hurts him or takes pleasure in making him sad then they are not friends but he doesnt have to be like them (long story short)

They prescribe growth hormone if there is something called a SHOX deletion, which you find out via a blood test. It’s only recently been approved on the NHS I think. You’d need to be referred to the relevant person to get that done though. The primary concern of the GP for us was if puberty was starting ok, but they were very reasonable about referring on as one of my DC is small for family height, although there is quite a range between us all.
DC asked to see their GP, so of course I made an appointment. We would never, ever think or say there was anything wrong with DCs height but it would be unfair to ignore them saying they were finding it difficult.
Editing to add that at age 7 I don’t think anyone will feel you need to have any medical concerns unless he really is tiny!

I hear what you are saying and kids can be cruel. It comes in all sorts of shapes and sizes. But you son does not have to be kind about kids that are treating him badly. Can he speak up for himself and is it only about his height? If so then he needs some very quick comebacks for that event at the very least.

And well done for boosting your son and being a great mum from what you've said you do with him.

If it's any consolation to him OP, one of my best friends is 5'2. He struggled with girls when he was younger. He's ginger and wears glasses, and is a bit of a nerd, so had a horrible time in school/uni.

In his mid 20s he married another friend of mine who is so attractive that frankly it should be illegal, or at least taxed in some way.

Joking aside, if you raise your lad to believe that superficial things don't matter, then they won't matter. School might be tough but the rest of his life will be what he makes it.

Does he enjoy sports? He could be a great scrum-half in rugby as a shorter kid. Otherwise get him to an MMA, boxing or Brazilian Jiu Jitsu class. They'll do wonders for his fitness and confidence.

With MMA and BJJ in particular, there are a shortage of training partners for adult women, so having shorter teenage lads in the gym to train with can be a godsend. The lads benefit too as they're training with people of a much higher level so they pick techniques things up quicker.