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AIBU?

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colleagues mental health

32 replies

alicejames · 03/06/2025 21:17

Hi - I struggle at work a lot ( i work in a primary school). I am blamed for a lot of things that I havent done and been accused of saying and doing all sorts that I havent said and done. I am currently gettng help for mental health/anxiety as a result of all of this and obvioulsy looking for a new job. A new woman started in my office a few weeks ago and we hit it off and I was so pleased. I knew she had mental health issues and we both chatted about our experiences. I must admit, I did tell her how much I was struggling and some of the issues I had experienced at work and she spent many hours telling me about her traumas and issues too, both work related and relationship issues as she struggles with her husband and his behaviour. She went on the sick last week and my manager approached me and told me that I have made my colleagues mental health issues worse by talking to her about my problems and it is my fault that she has gone off on the sick, he was really angry with me. I have been told not to contact her but I am so distressed. the day before she went off, we had been out for an evening meal together and she made no mention that I had upset her, in fact, we had a great night and arranged a meet up at the weekend, I am so upset that I have caused my only ally to have mental health issues made worse. I feel like giving up. I havent heard from her since she went off.

OP posts:
cissyfromchepstow · 03/06/2025 22:11

Gosh your manager was extremely unprofessional saying that!!

MaryTheTurtle · 03/06/2025 22:08

You’re not to blame and I would seek advice form HR as soon as possible abour what’s happening and what’s being said.
Id advise caution going forward on what you say to anyone outside of HR

BethDuttonYeHaw · 03/06/2025 21:59

Your manager is an arsehole

Neolara · 03/06/2025 21:54

Seriously, people who are otherwise fine don't go off sick because a colleague tells them their troubles. She clearly has pretty major issues of her own that are the actual reason she is not at work.

Ereerenownow · 03/06/2025 21:51

alicejames · 03/06/2025 21:26

Thank you so much for this. I feel sick with worry that I have caused distress to someone but part of me also knows that I didnt do this. I feel a bit confused and dont want to go into work tomorrow

I think you are being gaslighted. If you are in a union, please get some advice and best of luck x

alicejames · 03/06/2025 21:26

Thank you so much for this. I feel sick with worry that I have caused distress to someone but part of me also knows that I didnt do this. I feel a bit confused and dont want to go into work tomorrow

OP posts:
Ereerenownow · 03/06/2025 21:24

Hi, I am tortured at work too so you have my sympathies. You are not responsible for your colleagues mental health and it sounds like your manager is trying to blame you to perhaps cover up some other issues? Please keep your chin up and hopefully your friend will be in contact soon.

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