WIBU to get pregnant when my husband is unemployed?

Are you sure you’ll be able to relax enough and not stress about the situation during transfer and implantation as that is a major factor in success? If so go for it. 9 months savings would be a hard deadline for your DH to find a job, any job, surely. You may even get some wonderful time together as a family in those first precious weeks.

What does your DH think? Would your pregnancy be the push to accept anything job wise?

If you can afford to, why not.

I think you’d be batshit crazy to do this now.

Especially with a man who doesn’t seem particularly motivated to find employment.

You could have got pregnant then he lost his job. You've got savings and you can go back to work to pay the bills if he doesn't get something. Good luck op - go for it.

We don't employ shelf stackers as such. All staff are employed for different positions but yes shelf stacking is included as part of the overall tasks. I doubt we would consider the ops dh because he wouldn't be expected to stay and we need good staff, we don't struggle with a fast turnover so we employ with a view to long-term.

We can afford to be picky about who we employ and we don't employ people who are looking at us as a stop gap/quick fix.

I don’t agree. My husband has applied for shelf stacking jobs and not got them becausd he is over-qualified. He is currently working as an occasional exam invigilator, but it doesn’t bring in what shelf-stacking would. It’s not easy to get jobs.

At 36 having started IVF I'd get on with it. You're working, the rest is secondary tbh. If he's been a good worker previously then that's a good sign but it would be a help if he could take any job to help tide things over and show willing me

Will he be a stay at home dad? That may be lovely, obviously may not be, as others have mentioned, but it could work out really well.

Can you give it another 6 months? I had a baby at 39 perfectly healthy (I needed some help, not IVF, took 6 months to conceive).

If you were younger I would say wait but to be honest it depends how much you want a baby. It’s important to remember that the first year can be absolutely brutal so if you are also worrying about money it will be a real struggle. It’s better he’s in work before a baby is born tbh, once they are here everyone is knackered. You may find you have to cut your maternity leave short.

It’s up to you but bear in mind having a baby can be rough, pregnancy can sometimes be harder than you anticipated, the first few months can either be ok or awful. I hated my husband for the first year and he was working and doing nighttime feeds with the baby. He was a great support to me and our baby (more than pulled his weight) but due to PND everything he did didn’t feel enough. We have a strong marriage and are financially comfortable but that first year was terrible. Theres a lot that can happen when you decide to have a baby and it doesn’t always go how you anticipated.

What sort of industry is he in?

We’re all different but personally I would find it too stressful having a child to raise and also struggling with money due to unemployment. 6 months is a long time.

I wouldn’t try for a baby in your financial situation. Why has your dh not got a job, any job. A NMW job would have brought in an extra 1200/1300 per month.

Crack on but the only way it will work is if you have very short mat leave

I would go ahead Personally
Hopefully, if you did conceive it would motivate DH to take any regular employment to get money coming in. It doesn't need to be his " Perfect Job"

At 36 you have the time pressure of IVF and your chances of success get lower. How secure is your work? Many places are having recruitment freezes, making redundancies and cutting hours. If I was in any field where there is talk of cutting hours, cutting staffing, not replacing staff leaving or recruitment freezes I would beware. My manager breathed a sigh of relief when I went to my KIT meeting saying I wasn't coming back as she had been told to reduce the team. She told me, had I come back then there would have been a conversation about cutting hours in the team and possibly redundancy. As it was, 18 months later the team went from 8 people to 2 people. If you are in a secure field and are happy to be a breadwinner I would say go for it. How happy are you to go back full time a few months after baby is born and DH be a SAHD? Or would you want to have the full mat leave with the option to go part time?

Nursery fees (even with the funded hours) are expensive, plus any rise in cost of living or indeed something breaking starts eating into the savings. Do not underestimate how quickly you can eat through savings without realising it. Its a discussion to have with your DH, the reality, you have the IVF with its costs, 9 months pregnancy and then everything you need to buy for baby, plus mat leave to pay for. How long can you do that on 1 income? Realistically how long can DH spend job hunting without getting anything before you start ploughing through savings?

Is your DH in a field with a recruitment freeze or niche area? If so he might have to settle for something else. 6 months and counting is getting to be a long time without a job - especially in some fields.

Go for it. Life is always a bit uncertain and you don’t have to justify trying for one much wanted child. Best of luck. I have three IVF babies and things haven’t always been easy but I wouldn’t change a thing.

Can you afford to pay for the IVF as. Well as maternity leave or is it funded?

If you want to be a mother then I don’t think you have time to spare. It sounds like you have a decent career so you can provide for yourself and the baby if it comes to it.

If your husband was that bothered about having a family, surely he’d have found any old job to tide him over by now? I’d be prepared that he won’t be around for long, but if you want a baby then do it now because you may well miss the chance otherwise.

I wouldn't be telling anyone to go for it with only one income coming in whilst the other person doesn't seem interested in working with only a little bit spare after living expenses.

I don't think I would, it's added pressure.

But if you're happy for him to be a stay at home dad and you being the bread winner, then yes, do it.

He's been unemployed for 6 months already.

Wouldn't having a baby on the way just add to the job hunting pressure?

I did this exact thing. IVF at 36 with unemployed husband. I got pregnant and he got a job sharpish! Although at a later date, I went back to work and he was a SAHD. Good luck - get on with it!

There’s never a good time to have a child! I’d just go for it, otherwise you’ll always find a reason not to.

If he hasn't worked for 6 months then it's only going to get harder and harder to find something as the unemployment gap grows. Personally I wouldn't get pregnant now personally but I wanted to be a SAHM and it wouldn't have worked for me. Would you/he be fine with him being a SAHD? If not then he needs to get a job before you get pregnant IMO.

Go for it OP and the very best of luck 🙏 🤞

If OP were single, or if she were the unemployed one, I bet many highlighting the DH's unemployment would be telling her to go for it. She can afford it: We have enough savings to cover me to have 9+ months of work (with an emergency fund put by) then my wage does cover our living expenses with a little bit of spare.

It's depressing, this attitude that only the man's income counts in a marriage.