Child’s Friend Calling DH A Racist Name

Tell her you don't talk like that, take her home immediately and you really need to talk to her mom and I strongly disagree with being light about it. This is serious. You need to treat it seriously Her kid's picking up racist speech somewhere. You can't let this slide and you can't have her back to your house until you know this won't happen again.

I think you need to talk to the school too.

It's a karate reference.

Unfortunately as op explained her husband has been houded with being called all things under the sun related to karate/ kung fu and martial arts because of the way he looks.

Some people will even just make karate noises and grunts because they think they are being funny.

Because it stereotypes an Asian person. Stereotypes are always bad because they treat other people as one or two dimensional and not fully human beings with multiple dimensions just like you.

It's like calling an English person 'soccer hooligan'.

What does that term even mean? I don't mean to be funny but I have never ever heard that term. I would tell the mum not the school I'm sure the girls mother will be horrified OP.

It's very obviously racist. Posters shouldn't try to gaslight the OP by claiming that it isn't.

I would definitely raise it with the school, OP. And I would also say something to the mum. Most decent parents would absolutely want to know if their dc were using racist names for people. I'm sure you can phrase it in s way that makes it clear that the child probably didn't intend to be offensive.

If it happens again, I would also be having a firm conversation with the child myself to explain why that kind of language isn't appropriate.

Exactly. As well as comments about slitty eyes OR pulling their eyes at the corner in mockery. The yellow peril. Etc etc.

Raise it with the mum when she picks up. Do it in a light hearted ooh just incase ddsfriend mentions anything about this later, I was a little stern with her as I'd asked her 3 times to nat call DH said name as it's not appropriate and it's upset DD.

Speak to the parent and school. As a pp said you can politely but firmly tell the child that those words are not acceptable in your home.

My DC is in y5 and all of a sudden in the last few months he is telling me about the racist language being used at school. I’m appalled at some of the things the kids have been saying, and in these instances it is a particular Asian ethnic group making comments to other non-white children. I presume they are picking it up at home, and then off each other. DS says children report the ones saying these things and they are sent to the Head immediately. It’s horrific.

I was thinking this. Kinda rude - like Brits are the only people able to racist (also seriously not true). Aside from this, op if your child is being bullied aged 5 and her only friend is using racist terms, move her out of that school. She’s only going to end up hating school if she stays there any longer. And if she stays longer than that, and the bullying continues, she’ll end up hating herself. Especially if there are target comments regarding race etc.I know it can feel hard to not do the done thing and just keep them plugging away at school, but she’s FIVE. Literally just don’t send her in tomorrow if you can. She’s way too young to hate the majority of her days.

edited to add, at least go visit other schools asap.

I would mention it to the school and ask them to give the kids a chat about it.

I would not mention it to the mum.

This isn’t something to put in the book. Talk to the teacher directly. If it hasn’t come from this child’s parent then it’s come from another child’s parent.

The level of ignorant racism on this thread is astounding!
op I would have a word with the mum and school.
if it happens again, ask for the child to be collected immediately and explain why

Can you spell out why it is racist please

There actually is a cartoon episode called Karate Chops. As recently as 2021.

DS used a racist expression when he was 7. I was shocked. We had a really serious conversation and I reported to the school as it definitely came from there and I wanted to be sure that they were aware that children were using these words.
I'm his case they had been learning about racism but he didn't really understand why something was bad and to be honest when I spoke to him he didn't even understand what he was saying. He just thought it was a rude word.
School were great and took it really seriously. They did some more sessions with the class about inclusion and differences. Hopefully it would have helped to protect a child who might have been being bullied.

You can be not British, have a partner and be racist.

I would talk to the mum and school separately. While the 4 year old may not know that she was rude, she needs her mum to explain that it’s not ok.

The person who said it’s not racist is very wrong. There are worse terms out there but it doesn’t mean that it wasn’t wrong. You might have missed it but the child said it three times so the chance of mishearing is basically zero.

Racism like that isn't accidental. I mean, it is from the child, but the adult using it within earshot of the child would be using it intentionally.

Racism has to be confronted head on. Not excused otherwise it won't be stamped out.

This school sounds horrible - is there an option to move her?

I'd mention it to the mum. You can't prove she picked up the phrase from someone at school though, could be a racist relative. I'd want to know if my child was saying this to people.

People be racist when they aren’t British you know.

This

As it happened outside of school though I would speak to the mum first.

If she dismisses it or doesn't immediately apologise I wouldn't have the child round again.

Of course it’s racist!

You don’t get to state whether something is or isn’t racist because “you’ve never heard it”!

Good grief.