Child’s Friend Calling DH A Racist Name

We’ve previously used the word ‘chops’ meaning face in the place I grew up, so something would be said miserable chops if someone looked sad or happy chops for happy, so I went straight to thinking because your husband is Asian, they are using karate chops, due to his looks and yes my thoughts were that it’s a very racist thing to say x

If you've already asked your daughter's friend to stop being a racist prick after telling them not to say "karate chop" — don't have that child in your house. It's that simple.

My God. It IS racist. As a fucking British-East Asian, it is racist.

Denying it makes you the problem.

ETA: and because you like to bang on that it’s not racist and merely offensive, I’ll tell you this: if someone said the phrase to me, I would deem it racist and not offensive. Stick that in your pipe. Your whole ignorant thesis out the window.

amazing the array of people here saying it’s not racist because the child may think the OP’s husband looks like a specific imaginary cartoon character who goes to another school.

Do you mean he may look like them as in - has similar bright green glasses? A distinctive white streak in his beard? Has a cute dimple when he smiles? Or just HE LOOKS ASIAN. Because I suspect it’s the latter and if so then that is not good enough is it? If I went up to every random black woman when I was a child shouting “Floella!!!” after the lady off playschool I hope someone would have asked me to stop and explained why, and that’s not as bad as this is because at least it’s someone’s name.

You had no idea that giving someone a nickname, seemingly based on their race, was racist?

Really?

Do you think the other kid's home language is English or the mum's language?

I’ve also never heard it

I wouldn’t automatically blame the child, this may have been learned from an older child or a parent.

i must be old (30) i had no idea karate chops was racist. I know when I was at school we learned about martial arts at one point and there were optional classes to take (I did not) - is it possible this name comes from a playground game/craze or a book/tv/video character your husband looks like?

reception age kids do not understand racism. There’s no point trying to have it out with the kid about how he’s being racist as he won’t know what it means.

I’d speak to the mum first.

About the general bullying, some schools will tend to brush things under the carpet if they can. If it’s not documented it didn’t happen. You need to make sure things are properly recorded. Put things in email so that you have a record. Specifically state that you want it entered on CPOMS or whatever system they use for safeguarding. If they can ignore it they will, you have to be pushy I’m afraid.

Thank you , for your eloquent and clear explanation.

The mum has DEFINITELY said it in front of the child. No doubt about it

My DH is British Chinese and he says the same thing. He was brought up to ignore it. Having said that, he has changed his view slightly since DS1 heard someone point a racist verbal attack towards him. The racist was not white so absolutely yes, racism can come from all races.

Makes sense to me, what are you struggling with?

I was going to say this same thing, there is a level of racism, overtly and entitled to be, from new immigration from my experiences at work.

I work with some East Africans in our client group and they are often scathing and offensive about West Africans, we have to teach them this.
Easter europeans that Ive worked with (clients) also tend to have very offensive views about black people but also disabled.

You’re not making sense, no.

I’m shocked that there are people defending stuff like that. Would they go up to an East Asian person and call them Karate Chops? I can’t believe someone claimed that they Googled it and didn’t know that calling someone a racial stereotype is not ok and if their child does this then they need to be told to stop. 🙄

The school need to know too. It will be a teaching moment at some point in a lesson. Telling the school isn't about targeting a child specifically. Although if the school know and it comes up in school at some point, then the school will be aware of the bigger picture.

Why are some people so insistent that this sort of name calling isn't racist, can't possibly be racist, must be something other than racist? 🙄

That's a rhetorical question. I know exactly why.

@kurotoraI understand your DH's perspective, but if I were you I'd definitely mention it to the child's mother. Since her English proficiency isn't particularly strong, she may have no idea what the phrase means and I can't imagine she would be the source. But it's worth letting her know IMO.

I'm actually really shocked by a lot of comments on this thread! It's been an eye opener as to the level of ignorance there is around. Education is a wonderful thing and I hope this thread has made people really think what is/could be construed as racism or at least hurtful would be a start..how are we parenting the next generations?

How fucking stupid do you have to be to not see the racism? Hard to know whether to laugh or cry at the mind-blowing ignorance.

Even if you wanted to quibble the boundaries of when stereotyping based on nationality crosses the racism Rubicon (and I think that conferring a nickname based on a stereotype will quickly take you to that point), the OP's DH is Vietnamese British and karate is a Japanese martial art (so the implication is "all East Asians are the same").

This is ridiculous...Just because a cartoon episode is called this..because let me guess..it's actually an episode about Karate?? And the martial arts move? Rather than calling someone 'Karate Chop'? Make it make sense.