Child’s Friend Calling DH A Racist Name

I can’t believe people are saying terms are not racist simply because they haven’t heard of them. Such an unintelligent thing to say.

I am of Southeast Asian origin. If somebody called me ‘Miss chicken tikka’, I can definitely tell you that I would find it racist. Despite chicken tikka not being a racist term. Is that so hard to grasp?

I wonder if people remember Jane Goody and her Shilpa Poppadom comment. I absolutely did not agree with the witch hunt that ensued but this was a racist phrase.

Some people are beyond education here though.

Sadly op there are quite a few people who wouldn't even view it as racist. Tbh Iv had my eyes opened recently as one dc has two friends who are people of colour (we live in a super white area and ooozing white privilege) The amount of comments they receive in line with their race or skin tone at school is disgusting

Off topic but I had a friend who looks like that Angelica the CBeebies presenter 😂A bunch of kids shouted that at her and she found it funny, because she actually does look like Angelica so they weren’t being racist.

There were other black women in the group but the kids didn’t call them Angelica, so they were actually very observant and discerning to accurately see the resemblance between this specific girl and Angelica 😂

This is of course very different to what’s being described in this thread but the floela references reminded me of that incident.

Oh god i remember my friend shouting Floella at random black women in the 80’s 🫣
we were very young and it wouldn’t have been intended to cause offence but still

Tell the mum that her kid will only be welcomed at your home once the kid stops the racist bullying. She seems nice but that’s no excuse for her kid being nasty to your child. If she’s a good person she’ll parent correctly and stop racist abuse.

Yeah I had a white friend married to a mixed race man - black and (white) French - who had some racial identity issues. He was the type to just hang his head or shrug things off and not challenge things despite his wife wanting to. And it had a terrible effect on his older kids who have now inherited his hang ups.

Conversely I have another friend who is married to a black man and they are both very vocal at addressing things like this and their children have a lot of pride in their heritage.

Exactly it’s like the words banana and monkeys aren’t racist but fans at European football matches throwing bananas at black players or making references to monkey and bananas in regards to black players obviously is. People are being deliberately obtuse here.

In the end, DH is the one in charge of what to do, and he doesn’t want to say anything. His attitude is that “you start talking about these things and draw attention to them, then it makes it become A Thing, you need to ignore them or it makes it worse.

OP, I’m sorry your husband feels this ways and it’s just not true. Keeping your head down won’t make things better, things will likely escalate as time goes on if anything. While you need to respect how he as a man of Vietnamese origin wants to handle things, you must also be mindful of your daughter being affected by unchecked racism so do continue to keep an eye on them.

MN never disappoints. Always bending over backwards to minimise racism. Of course this is a racist term, even if nobody has ever heard of it before. It is stereotyping this man simply because of his racial appearance. I would guess the child has heard this at home and this is how the mum has referred to the OP’s husband.

Because he is quietly accepting racism?

Yes good point and also clearly she is half Viet and this may become something the bullies pick on more as time goes on.

Re school transfer, SURELY children being targeted for racism and bullying should be bumped up the list, have you contacted the powers that be (council?) to explain how bad things are?

5 year olds know it’s hurtful and racist. I was 5 when a boy kept pulling his eyes at me and laughing. @kurotora I wouldn’t invite the racist child over to your house again to protect your daughter. The child has obviously learnt it somewhere and didn’t stop despite knowing it was racist.

hmmm, idk. Is it your DH’s prerogative? I assume your child is biologically his and, even if not, she will eventually clock these kinds of comments and feel upset that her dad/mum just “takes” them.

It was very important for me when I saw my (white) dad take absolutely zero shit from people (even 10 year olds) say racist stuff to my mum.

I remember the first time I noticed Livelovebehappy on a thread.

There was a poster who was was having an extremely difficult time dealing with her mother (who had long-term addiction issues, was not able to care for herself and who had been discharged from hospital into the OP's care).

The OP (who had a spouse and young kids) was finding her mother's presence very challenging and couldn't see a way out (in part, because her mother refused to allow her to take any steps that would enable her to return safely to her flat)

The OP (who posted in Relationships, not AIBU) wasn't posting for advice but just looking for a hand-hold.

Livelovebehappy abused her relentlessly, despite the OP clearly becoming more and more distressed. Eventually, the OP posted that she was going to kill herself. The OP didn't return and Mumsnet deleted the thread.

I don't get why the likes of her are permitted to continue to post.

Gosh it’s shocking you had to explain that 😳

That's a very young child.

Children that age will repeat something they hear from pretty much any source that strikes them as funny, and I can easily imagine that a child would think that a very funny thing to call someone. It hits the humour of that age group perfectly.

The child would have no idea it's offensive. They don't have the context or social maturity to see that on their own.

I'd just ask her not to use it. "Please don't call me that, I don't like it," or "that's a bit of a rude thing to call someone, so please don't do it again."

There's no reason to hold something like that against a small child any more than if they were repeating some swear word or scatological words to get a laugh.

Of course it's fucking racist. It is so incredibly obvious that it's racist that there is no room for debate. I honestly can't believe that people are still going round in circles on this.

@Livelovebehappy, your posts on this thread are an utter disgrace.

As a teacher, mocking East Asians seems to be the last bastion of racism. I am really fed up of hearing kung fu style shrieks and ridiculous comments about eye shapes, foods and Covid, so I can only imagine how East Asians must feel.

I’m very sorry to hear that, but not massively surprised.

You are of course entitled to your opinion, your opinion is just incorrect. Have you even bothered to do a modicum of research into the definition and application of racist behaviour to back up your stance? You write quite eloquently so I’m struggling to think that you are of low intelligence, so my inference from your continued posts minimising racist behaviour is that you are in fact a racist. Either that or you are spectacularly ignorant and intellectually challenged. So which is it? Are you racist or are you stupid?

It is fascinating (and more than a little depressing) the lengths some people will go to in order to discount, defend, or excuse racism. The wide-eyed faux naïf act is just tiresome.

The child’s name calling was obviously racist. I don’t blame her, it’s highly unlikely she understood the implications of her remark. But that doesn’t make it any less racist.

One particular poster has just made me eyeroll so hard at this thread, I CBA. However, OP, I validate you and your husband that the comment was racist.

This thread has made me remember that when I was 5/6, I had some white kid sing to me the whole “my mum’s Chinese, my dad’s Japanese, so look what happened to me!” and then do the eyes pulled in opposite directions thing… the kid wasn’t trying to be a dick. He did it mid conversation (I can remember his full name!), like it was normal chat.

I’m not saying this kid said this to your DH in a similar vein, but what I’m trying to badly convey is how to deal with this with your daughter. As the kid above was singing to me, I was just perplexed. I didn’t know what he meant…and I simultaneously thought “what a prat! Why’s he singing this irrelevant song?”. So, clearly, along the way my parents had conveyed to me that people say stupid shit. Water off a duck’s back. Pity their ignorance. It’s a reflection of them and not you etc.

When I was in my 20s, I had a group of women (strangers) yell at me from across a street, “go home to Japan!” and I was beaming! I very much favour the “scared of the sun” pale look and I was delighted they thought I had a whole Japanese skincare regime down (my East Asian component isn’t Japanese). I’ve never felt “bad” when I’ve heard a racist comment directed at me. Help give DD a thick skin and realise that comments like this are FA to do with her and everything to do with the poor upbringing of the ignoramus.

I'm not asking you to explain to me what stereotyping is (as I suspect you know, but are dodging).

I'll help you out and fill in the blank for you: it is stereotyping based on race.

Or, if you prefer, racial stereotyping.

Stereotyping is racist <head desk>

”All Asians are good at maths” = racist.

I don’t get your motive for maintaining it’s just offensive and not racist. What are you winning? Again, as I said before, if I didn’t find X comment racist or offensive but Person Y did, then Y trumps. Because in situations of [suspected] racism you ALWAYS err on the side of caution.

Night….