Fecking sports day

I was speaking to a friend about this at the weekend; we were at secondary school together and agree that sports day humiliation (and the associated bullying) had a profound and negative effect on our self esteem that has followed us into adulthood. We’re both very active now: he cycles to and from work every day, has run marathons and goes to the gym; I go horse riding twice a week, do Pilates/spin/weights at the gym and regularly hike 10-15 miles.
It so short-sighted for schools to do this, not to mention potentially ableist.
I’d be very interested to hear the rationale behind it!

I was really, really crap at athletics but we were made to participate at sports day all the way to the end of high school, in at least three events each. It’s fine, it didn’t scar me for life though I probably moaned about it at the time and I’m sure my parents told me to suck it up, it being the 80s and 90s. Someone has to come last, there will be other things she’s good at. I do think kids need to learn resilience which includes doing things that you don’t like without parents jumping to the rescue and encouraging them to find a way to get out of it. I don’t think the ‘public’ element makes any difference tbh, you can be sure everyone at school knows who is good at maths, spelling or whatever and also who is bottom of the class.

No one is making kids do maths or art or science competitively and in public

They kind of are though. Every day in secondary school, through tests, questioning in class etc it is blatantly obvious who is good and bad at all the school subjects. Lots of lessons involve competitive activities, because they are motivating and kids generally like them. I wasn't a sporty person at school either, but I don't really see why the sporty kids shouldn't have the opportunity to shine once a year, when the academic kids get to shine every day.

I'm not sure I agree that there are not equivalent maths/art/ etc days. School lessons are all very public - teachers call on students, students work in groups, students swap tests to be marked sometimes, classes are divided up into sets according to ability, children take "higher" or "lower" versions of GCSEs. A class of kids gets to know very quickly their peers' strengths and weaknesses. As long as there is a positive and supportive environment I think this is fine.

I also agree with a PP that in fact most of school is about academic performance, and that it is nice to give kids who are not academic a time to shine in other areas including sports. Put it this way - I think school is harder for the kids who love sports day but struggle in lessons, than for those who enjoy their lessons and struggle on sports day.

To the OP I totally get your protectiveness but is it possible that by referring to it all as "soul-destroying" etc you are buying into a bit of catastrophising?

Everyone had to take part in our schools up to 16
Ours had javelin and shotput ( spelling? ) and things like the long jump. It isn’t outing either as you’re not all doing it together.

Can your dc do those
If the school don’t do those in the long run why not suggest it.

simply this.

I was the same as your DD. I think I did one or two and then was off ‘sick’ for all other years.

There was secondary sports day when I was at school and my dc. My non sporty one used to sign up for the jokey races like three legged or persuade a teacher to let her do scoring(she has asd so they usually let her do whatever she was comfortable with)

Well at that point it's up to her. There isn't some magical third option whereby the school suddenly decide to cancel it just because of your dd. They will have had multiple kids every year that hate sports day, they obviously know not everyone loves it, but for whatever reason they think it's worth doing.

It sounds like you're giving it more headspace than she is and making it a bigger deal than it needs to be. Just say to her "yes it's rubbish but there will be lots of things in life that you don't want to do and dont see the point in. I'm happy to write you a note if you don't go in but it's up to you."

My group of friends used to compete to see who could be last in any race. So much more fun 😃

How are they doing it?
Ours -year 7- was on an opt in basis per event. Everyone had to opt into 2 that ranged from serious races to fun stuff. Burgers and hotdogs for lunch plus ice lollies. It was actually fun ;)

Compulsory engagmeent and open to parents as well - honestly it sounds like hell.

Either you talk her into being ill that day or try for less popular sports - shot put was another of my kids favorite - or talk to someone else at the school and see if they are better than previous PE teacher and have any helpful suggestions.

I get this. does she get to choose her competition? I recommend long jump. It's extremely short, no one pays much attention, it's done one at a time so any huge differences between individuals is less noticeable and she's done.

ie help her to select the least painful and upsetting option.

DS is super sporty, loves sports day, wins the trophies etc.

DD is the exact opposite, hates any form of physical exercise and doesn't see the point of it. She embraces it 😁. She knows she's going to come last, tells her friends someone has to so she's doing them a favour, she routinely gets the biggest cheer and tonnes of encouragement from her friends who lap her 😂 with the biggest smile on her face and lots of "well done!"s. She's participating and that's enough for her. She's being a good sport.

TBH, her sports days are a lot more fun than DS's!