Fecking sports day

Secondary school sports day might not be how you're imagining it OP. Parents don't usually go (state sector) Don't know about private. Mine found it pretty low key compared to primary, unless you were sporty. Mine weren't.
The PE teachers in their school were fine with the non sporty ones too.
If your dd won't skip it there's not a lot you can do I'd have thought.

Very much so. My birthday is this month and its also on Fathers Day. The first one without him.

My dad was called into school because he was told i hadnt done my homework. During the discussion the teacher realised SHE had misplaced it. MY dads rocket went up HER arse!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh and as for running away. I managed to lose ten stone through diet and excersise in my late twenties. I didnt walk away because it was hard either. Maybe some of us do better when bullying isnt happening. My parents came to watch me get my slimming award and my dad took us to a restaurant afterwards.

Your dad sound wonderful. I'm sure you must miss him.

Yep, thats happened to me too. Fighting over who would take the Tessa.

Difference is i wouldnt think of walking out on anything because i was uncomfortable then and NOW in later life. For one, my dad would have bounced me straight back into school with a rocket up my arse. For two i never backed down from a challenge. Challenges come in many forms, academical, working and physical. Its telling that some turn around and walk away.

My son was unfortunate to be ill on each one of his sports days 😅

Ditto Im half Italian

As i explained in my post above it wasnt just being chosen last. It was the "you can have Jennifer. We had her last time. Its your turn"

PE teacher just stood there and did fuck all. So one lesson i walked off back into changing room, got changed and walked out of school.
Where was that PE teachers accountability. Why do they get a free pass for being too damn lazy to sort out bullying and taking the easy option of pretending it isnt happening.

Let's say a child is super academic so always gets top marks when tests are given back in the class. Everyone in the form knows who gets which mark how are the high fliers. Another child is really good at dance so wins any dance auditions and competitions or comes up top / does well. Or another child is amazing at drama and always chosen for key roles in the school drama production. Another one can draw the most amazing portraits and gets commended for that or wins competitions. And at sports day they take part and come last. What's so bad about that? I don't get it. Are we all meant to feel like winners all of the time?

Keep her off sick on the day. I don't usually approve of this but what is the point of putting a child through a day of torture for no reason.

She is autistic and ADHD, and dyspraxia fits with the challenges she's had with anything balance related

OP says this about her DD - yet posters are saying what wrong with feeling occaionally crap about something - as if life won't be handing daily challenges out to this girl.

My dad painted all the scenery for the musical that i was in and made the giant green round glasses that we wore for being Oz residents (The Wizard of Oz) the time he spent and the support he gave was lovely. Took up all his free time. I lost him to prostate cancer last October and the support and encouragement he gave me is something i will always treasure

Oh and look at all the hate and bile you are spouting in comparison to the positive message i am giving. It speaks volumes.

And dont try to minimize my struggles. I had an entire class target me in a PE lesson once due to my place of birth. I know how it feels to be victimised.

The biggest lesson i got from it was that just because i wasnt naturally good at something didnt mean i couldnt get better with practice and effort. It stuck with me in later life too

I was finding those lessons out in normal lessons - turns out I had dyslexia and dsypraxia - I kept plodding along and got better with practise and much more work.

I could not practise my way out of dyspraxia with sports - or the undiagonsed asthma when running. Excerise often triggered what was later diagnosed as asthma and I was told gasping for breath I was just unfit - DD1 PE teachers were first to recongise it in her and suggest GP.

It sound like OP DD has a lot to cope with already - frankly I'm surpsied the school is so unaccomodating - I was really pleasantly surpised by DC secondary and PE - it really had moved on.

What are you going on about?

I wasn't placating bullies. I wasn't doing what they wanted. Everything i did was for me, for my enjoyment. What the hell was i doing that the bullies wanted me to do? They weren't even bullies, they were young kids choosing their friends and trying to put the best team they could together. The same way if there was a quiz team or a spelling team or a chess team, some would be last to be chosen.

Coming from a parent whose child struggles academically it's ridiculous to say that there is no competition in maths, arts, science etc. Sets, exam results etc its all ways for them to compare themselves. There are some kids that shine in sports and for mine it's a massive confidence boost to be good at one thing. Competition is a big part of life, I don't see the point of letting them duck out just because they don't think they can do well.

I always used to sign up for the shot put, it's perfect. It's far away from where anyone can see, chuck a ball three times and the rest of the time sat on the grass in the sunshine. The art teacher used to supervise the shot put at my school, he was a right laugh. Fond memories of an afternoon well dossed once a year.

You were luckier than perhaps you know to have such a supportive father. I wonder how much of your self esteem and positive approach is down to the support of your father, rather than the activities themselves?

Ours insisted everyone got involved, but this didn't need to be running etc, it could be holding the finish rope, scoring, setting up events etc. Is this an option?

What so bad with feeling a bit crap about yourself occasionally? Is it not rather very human? Let's not wrap kids in cotton wool it doesn't do them any favours.

It's about being able to withstand that feeling and do the best with any given challenge. It's about learning to tackle tasks and expectations that may feel uncomfortable but that may still end up being a good learning experience. It's the same with public speaking not many people love it's often expected to give presentations at school, uni and work. Of course it makes people more resilient if they don't hide away at home when they are expected to take part in perfectly safe and normal activities. Op's dd sound like she has a good attitude, she is not keen but wants to attend anyway, that shows strength of character,

Sometimes you have to wonder if it's the grown ups who don't want their dc to embarrass them in front of all the other parents.

Fair enough. Just as i did

She was pleasing herself. How can you not see that.

Thank fuck we didnt have that in the 80s

So the way to placate bullies is to do as they want. Wonder how that advice would go down on the Relationships board.
I wasnt interested in pleasing them. I hated them. And i had other things to do during the summer hoidays like look after my younger brother while my parents were working. If people dont like me for me fuck em. Im not bending over backwards to fit in. My intesrest was music I was in the school musical. Which involved rehearsals. Why the fuck should i have ditched that to do something i wasnt interested in to please fuckers who were only interested in me for what i could do for them. Like i said. My self respect was more important

I understand your feelings, but it is just not true that children get to hide their academic abilities. Streaming/Sets/Prize Day are all about rewarding excellence in academics and those who are not academic have to suck it up every lesson, every day.

Try to get it into perspective. Yes, it can be demoralizing etc. for girls like your daughter, but if she can ‘style it out’ with good grace and good humour then it will stand her in good stead throughout her life.

There will also be sporty kids who will be disappointed with their performance on the day (trust me.). The majority of them will get told by their parents and coaches alike - “if you want to win, then you have to run faster, see you early at training?”. There will be close to zero sympathy, and a gentle “come on, now” if there was any unrealistic expectations.