Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fecking sports day

240 replies

HippyKayYay · 03/06/2025 15:11

DD is in yr 7 and I've just found out they still have sports day - in secondary. DD is unsporty, uncoordinated and uncompetitive. She hates it. I hated it. I still hate it. It's miserable for her. She tries her best and is very supportive of her mates. But it still makes her feel shit about herself and has done every year that she's had to do it. Despite all our positive reinforcement and conversations about taking part, blah di blah di blah... And I thought we were finally done with it (for her) when she left primary last year. But no...

She is active, gets movement and exercise in ways she enjoys, btw. So it's not about that. But it really hacks me off. No one is making kids do maths or art or science competitively and in public. So why is it ok to make them do this for sport?

Btw - I have a younger DC who is super sporty and fast. But they also hate sports day (finds it really stressful and gets very nervous).

Why do schools do this? Why is it ok to do this for sport but not other subjects? It's just bloody mean to unsporty/ uncoordinated kids...

OP posts:
Original poster
HippyKayYay · 03/06/2025 15:33

CatHairEveryWhereNow · 03/06/2025 15:30

Well my old secondary and DC school it was a house meeting and option sign up - it really depends how your DC school does it.

It could be worth sending an e-mail to form tutor/head of year explain she worried and asking if she can opt out or do a fun group thing like tug of war - very least get a better idea of how it's set up.

A PP said something about parents being there - whole school being out is common but clearly not universal from some posts but parents at secondary I've not heard of - it may happen but not at schools my family have gone to.

parents are invited to DD's... Not sure how many will go though.

OP posts:
CatHairEveryWhereNow · 03/06/2025 15:30

Well my old secondary and DC school it was a house meeting and option sign up - it really depends how your DC school does it.

It could be worth sending an e-mail to form tutor/head of year explain she worried and asking if she can opt out or do a fun group thing like tug of war - very least get a better idea of how it's set up.

A PP said something about parents being there - whole school being out is common but clearly not universal from some posts but parents at secondary I've not heard of - it may happen but not at schools my family have gone to.

Original poster
HippyKayYay · 03/06/2025 15:26

NancyJoan · 03/06/2025 15:20

Just keep her home. My DS stayed home for every one from Year 7 onwards. He’d have gone in happily for the competitive maths, history, French and German stage competitions in front of an audience of parents that they never had.

I would happily do this, but she really doesn't want to be excused from it (which I know is illogical - but she's autistic and ADHD, so sometimes can be very contrary!)

OP posts:
Original poster
HippyKayYay · 03/06/2025 15:25

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 03/06/2025 15:20

Are you sure she needs to compete?

Normally at secondary the students can choose to compete Or not.

My DCs school used to get the sports captain from each year group/house to choose who was doing what but only if students wanted to join in. The others just cheered on from the sidelines

I'm pretty sure they do. Although not in all categories/ events

OP posts:
Original poster
HippyKayYay · 03/06/2025 15:25

CatHairEveryWhereNow · 03/06/2025 15:19

My kids aren't sporty and didn't like primary sports day - but didn't mind secondary one. They either sat out with their mates talking - or picked up some more usual sports to have a go at with minimal expectations.

I hated my secondary one (later found out had dsypraixa and asthma ) so was prepared for them to be ill that day but some years they actually seemed to enjoy it - the tug of war one year being a high light.

Generally though their school PE department has been much better at having fun and encouaging a wide range of activities rather than destroying confidence of 90% of pupils like my 90 secondary did.

She'd be up for tug of war!

I think she's dyspraxic too. She is autistic and ADHD, and dyspraxia fits with the challenges she's had with anything balance related (learning to scoot, ride a bike, climb things, get on and off escalators, etc).

She would absolutely hate to be let off it for this reason though. She doesn't want to be 'different'

OP posts:
Notyourfaultbutmine · 03/06/2025 15:24

My DC's secondary school makes them sign up for minimum 1 event, then they spend the rest of the day spectating if not taking part. I asked him to try the first one and he hated it so he's been "unwell" on each one since. Such a waste of a day forthose not into sports, he'd rather be in a classroom.

Original poster
HippyKayYay · 03/06/2025 15:22

Koalafan · 03/06/2025 15:12

Could she be not feeling very well on the day?

😉🫣😬

Cue all the 'we all have to do things we don't like' martyrs.

Edited

She is funnily very resistant to this. They had a fucking compulsory sponsored run a few months ago that she was so stressed about having to do and not wanting to come last. I told her she could stay home that day, but she didn't want to. There was so much stress and tears in the run up though. It's so hard too at this age, when they care so much about what their peers think of them.

OP posts:
AFingerofFudge · 03/06/2025 15:20

I had 2 DCs that were very sporty at school. They loved Sports Day, I thought it was great and I don’t think I “got” that some people hated it.
Then I had DS3 who wasn’t remotely sporty, suffered with anxiety anyway and absolutely dreaded the thought. Over the years I gradually realised that I was just putting him through something that made him really unhappy, didn’t help his “resilience” that I mistakenly thought it might build and so he stopped attending.
A few months ago he told me (he’s now 16) that he was so happy when I finally let go of it and rescued him from them!

NancyJoan · 03/06/2025 15:20

Just keep her home. My DS stayed home for every one from Year 7 onwards. He’d have gone in happily for the competitive maths, history, French and German stage competitions in front of an audience of parents that they never had.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 03/06/2025 15:20

Are you sure she needs to compete?

Normally at secondary the students can choose to compete Or not.

My DCs school used to get the sports captain from each year group/house to choose who was doing what but only if students wanted to join in. The others just cheered on from the sidelines

CatHairEveryWhereNow · 03/06/2025 15:19

My kids aren't sporty and didn't like primary sports day - but didn't mind secondary one. They either sat out with their mates talking - or picked up some more usual sports to have a go at with minimal expectations.

I hated my secondary one (later found out had dsypraixa and asthma ) so was prepared for them to be ill that day but some years they actually seemed to enjoy it - the tug of war one year being a high light.

Generally though their school PE department has been much better at having fun and encouaging a wide range of activities rather than destroying confidence of 90% of pupils like my 90 secondary did.

ClassySassyBonnieLassie · 03/06/2025 15:17

My son is in secondary and they have to sign up to take part in events on sports day and those that don’t want to, just do a normal school day.

Tiswa · 03/06/2025 15:17

How is it done in the school? DD is a slow but fairly competent runner who can run 1500m she needs to do one event and that is what she does and usually finishes 7-12 out of 16 because though slow she has stamina

she does the one event and that is it for the day!

aredcar · 03/06/2025 15:17

i really think sports day should be optional in high school- is it definitely not? I’d not, maybe she might be poorly on that day and unable to attend…

Koalafan · 03/06/2025 15:12

Could she be not feeling very well on the day?

😉🫣😬

Cue all the 'we all have to do things we don't like' martyrs.