Partners Brother Not Happy.

Even if you only normally do gifts for children most people would make an effort for a big birthday like their brother's 50th. Did he even wish him a happy birthday?

It's a bit odd he seems perplexed that his brothers not been in touch when he himself hasn't made any effort?

no birthday wishes either @Helbel1977?

Neither your DP nor yourself seem to have a close relationship with his family.

It is what it is! (that old chestnut!)

Nothing to be done here, unless you and your partner want to change the dynamic?

The accident was 3 years ago? The birthday was a couple of months ago?

Just trying to get the timeline right. Seems odd that he’s holding a grudge and or this all to come up after so long. Are there other family members stirring the pot or passing messages?

Well it's not your responsibility but from what you've written your husband sounds like he is a pretty uncaring person and crap brother. It would be quite normal to let your sibling know their parent had been in a car accident and to ignore his birthday is quite childish especially after he had been reminded.

@Helbel1977 agree his Mum should have updated, or he could have ensured she (and all others in the car) were ok.

Being on holiday does not really excuse the lack of 50th birthday wishes, does it though?

Unless ofc, you don't do birthdays, at all, whether you're reminded or not?

What are your husband's thoughts @Helbel1977 not really your circus is it? 🙂

eta; Agree with some previous posters

Completely ignore.

Not your circus or your monkey - you do nothing. Why would you need to sort anything with DPs brother?

You might have been driving but it's your husband's responsibility to tell his brother what happened, update him on your MIL's injuries and organise his brother's birthday card/present. Why did your BIL expect a phone call from you? What difference would it have made? Did he expect you to call to apologise to him for having an accident and injuring his Mum???!! The person who needed an apology was your MIL, not your BIL, who wasn't even there!!

Also 2 months afterwards was his 50th birthday and we didn't sent him anying disbite his DP remembering us it was coming up.

bit shitty of his own brother, I don't know the family dynamics but in most families I know, siblings would at the very least acknowledge this. Being away on holiday is a poor excuse. It's up to your partner though, but I would have wished a happy birthday to friends, so I wouldn't have forgotten and kept silence.

The accident? Again, up to his brother - you wouldn't "inform" anyone just because you were the driver. Your partner should have discussed their mum

3 years ago? I’d of definitely got over it by now! Why couldn’t his bro or mum call him about the accident. A card could of been posted before the holiday but again that’s your dps fault

This. And why on earth is it the responsibility of you as the driver to explain your MILs injuries to your BIL? Is she not physically or mentally capable of doing it herself (genuine question), and if not then it's your DHs job to let whomever is her PoA/Guardian know. It sounds like your brother expects a grovelling apology from you over injuries sustained by someone who wasn't him in a situation he wasn't part of, like making you report to the headmaster. Yuck.

Let your DP handle it, his brother, his problem.

If BIL says anything to you, just say, ahh I'll have to pass you to DP to answer that, he's dealing with this situation.

Ignore him. It was your DPs responsibility to send him a birthday card, and phone about his mum.

Not your brother, not your problem. Presumably your DH has a phone and knows BIL's number and his address to send a Birthday card.