What should I respond to ex loves wife?

Definitely no need to go into what it was like at the time. You don;t owe her that. Bland and breezy is the way to go. Hope it all goes well at hen do and wedding.

Well he sounds like a prize knob. Firstly for the way he treated you, and now for manipulating historical events for whatever fucked-up reason he's doing it.

He sounds like a dick...poor women!

You'll probs end up drunk and telling her the whole story anyway!

Have you replied?

What a arse to tell his wife that! He is obviously trying to keep her on edge.

You should reply "what do you mean was?" just to lean into the awkwardness. Jk jk.

God what a weird thing to text. I agree with PP - laugh it off and stress it's all blast from the past high school stuff.

I honestly am so grateful to hear that other people have had similar experiences as I’m def the only one from my very settled uni crowd who has anything like this kind of situation and if I ever mentioned it people would as you say be like ‘oh! It’s a you and him eh?’ NO! It’s a HIM thing!

I am finding this thread so therapeutic!

my guess is that he didn't feel that way and he knows it. He's rewriting his past for some reason....

That’s way too negative and dramatic!

Lordy I have a similar ex and speaking to mutual friends he has rewritten our relationship over 25 years. To hear his version (and worse some of his mates endorse it) we were star crossed lovers that distance and jobs kept apart including a proposal which never happened! But his wife hates me with a passion that I can sort of understand given she’s only heard that version - however it is really annoying at mutual friends’ celebrations.

So not knowing what he’s told her - or indeed what other friends have told her - fair play to her for clearing the air before the hen. Bright breezy and ‘gosh we were all so young’ is the way to go.

Actually this is even better!

Last night Exs wife messaged me privately. Said she “knew who I was” and “what I meant to Ex” and wanted it put out there so there was no weirdness.

I wonder if he really said that or if she was fishing for your take on it?

Best brushed off as you have done I agree!

“Oh my goodness, that was a lifetime ago! Glad that X is happy” is the best response IMO.

It should shut down any more fishing.

I would say oh wow news to me! It was a long time ago and we were so young.

Sounds like he has tried to make her feel insecure so you are doing her a favour letting her know it wasn’t exactly as he makes out.

“Haha the rear view mirror is often rather rose tinted isn’t it?!”

also be prepared to keep him at arms length at the wedding, especially if he has had a drink

I'd just say 'Wow, that was such a long time ago. We were honestly just kids back then - I guess teenagers are always a bit intense about everything, but it wasn't relationship that would ever have had a future! Appreciate you letting me know though and see you at the hen do!'

Exactly what I was thinking too. Negging his current wife.
Also to gain a bit of sympathy... Poor Me...Lost love kind of thing
And to illustrate that he's capable of finer meaningful feelings and is therefore a catch.. but slightly unavailable.
And possibly because he's twigged there's a new connection through mutual friends.. he wants to make the new wife jel.
or Maybe trying to suss out via friend's gossip if you've said anything about him?

My best friend had a BF just like that until she came to her senses.

If someone does bring it up OP you could always say

"Is'nt it funny how nostalgia makes some people look back with rose-tinted glasses." Tinkely laugh and change subject

As someone who is in touch with a boyfriend from a million years ago their recollection of it can be very different to yours. From your point of view he picked you up and dropped you all the time, from his point of view he might only remember the good times because that is usually how people prefer to look back on their past.

Your relationship was 20 years ago which is a long time, not 5 years which might be the case for some people. I think she is just looking to tell you she knows who you are and that he remembers you fondly. She is looking for you to say happily married thanks.

I imagine he never thought you would be back in the same social circles so perhaps was a little too open about his feelings for you to his girlfriend who became his wife.

I like this.

Hints to her that her BF is playing games without actually saying it.

I don’t think she means any harm, she’s just getting it out the way - I would probably laugh it off - water under the bridge. Something like ‘hahaha, childhood romance!! Looking forward to the hen, my husband is looking after my kids; will be nice to let my hair down” and you’ve then let her know you’re happily married with kids and it’s not a big deal/weird.

I agree that nice and flippant is the way to go too. Platitudes are good.

Maybe 'Ah yes, it was all so long ago, and there's been so much water under the bridge since then - my job, my lovely husband and children, busy, busy... Amazing where life takes you, eh?'

I agree with a pp that she's sussing out the current state of play. Also agree the man is playing off current GF against the OP - sniveling little tosser...

Perfect!

But did he actually say to her ‘the one that got away’? I’d be furious if my dh described a past relationship in this way to me, because it implies that that person would be with him instead of me had she not ‘got away’. I can’t imagine anyone saying that to their current partner. It would be very crass….,

Honestly, if you (like me, very sadly) had a penchant for the kind of head-fucking player fuckboy who pretended relentlessly to be ‘deep’, ‘troubled’, and ‘soulful’ to disguise a simple ambition to fuck as many people as possible AND have as many of the people they’ve fucked sitting about crying going ‘but he said he’d never felt like this before / will never feel like this again’ then you know would know that yes they really do! It’s just another arrow in the quiver of lurvebombing/tormenting!

It all stems from deep insecurity and wanting to be Important to Someone, Anyone, and for my sake be glad I found a great therapist who turned angst into eye rolling exasperation!

Now with the very sensible and straightforward love of my life.

"Did he actually say that!? Blimey!? Bit of a dick move. We were literally teenagers. No need for any awkwardness on my part! Looking forward to meeting you and having fun at the hen do x"